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Death of a Parent


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Hi, I just posted something in another forum, and thought I'd ask it in this one:

 

The death (within the last 5 years roughly) of a parent is (apparantly) often the instigator for the feelings that accommodate an affair to happen. The buffer zone between you being 'young' and 'old' (and 'next in line to go') is often defined by your parents' being alive or not, and makes you think of time like it's running out, in some ways. It's like a mid-life reckoning, and period that instigates reflection, too, and can sometimes make you ask yourself if you want to die like they did - unhappy (and then you identify with that) or happy (and then you look at your own marriage and believe it's not).

 

Where I read this doesn't say how common it is as a catalyst to make changes in one's life in general, let alone how common it is to wayward spouses.

 

So, just a survey I guess - anyone here relate to this in the MM/MW?

 

I can with my ex-MM, hence asking.

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My Dad died 5 years ago next month. I left one R 5 months after it, started another one almost immediately. Ended it months later. 2 years after that my Mum died (I'd been single in the meantime). 2 months after that I met MM.

 

I don't know if any of that has any great relevance, exactly. I've been in and out of Rs before my parents did their dying thing. Proably had some vague influence on things, but not much.

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Hi all

 

My dad died 10 years ago, and my mom just passed from Lung Cancer it was horrible, we found out in November around that time I started having a relationship with a MM , but it was leading up to that so I am not sure if it had anything to do with it.

 

I think maybe it has to do with comfort or possibly loosing someone you love and filling that void or needing some closeness or excitement in your life.

 

But I have to say that losing my mother has definately made me think of what is to come for me. She ended up hating men and blamed them for her demise ( she was abused by my grandfather) luckily I was not abused in that manner. But I want to make sure that when I go I am loved and will be missed, that is all. I have come to appreciate people more than in the past and everyone has something so special about them.

 

My mother because of what she had gone through in her life had such a

sour view of allot of men. I don't want to be like that at all.

 

My MM did not give me that much comfort when it came to that, although he did remind me to go see her as she was in a different state, I do appreciate him mentioning to me to go see her and asking me about it made me see her sooner than I would have, and I am glad that I did as she slipped into a semi coma a few weeks later.

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Blind Illusion

Three things happened when I was 33 and I kind of make that a defining year although my affair started 2 years later.

  1. My great aunt that lived upstairs with my Mom died. Not only was she like a grandparent to me as she never married & had kids of her own, but she was the last of that generation. Now there was only one generation remaining between me.
  2. My husband went with his father to California for a funeral. I never realized how calming his absence was. It made me realize how I amde such a drastic faux pas marrying him. Even this morning, Mothers day, he made me cry with his nasty ways.
  3. A close friend of mine got cancer. Luckily she is ok today but for awhile there, we weren't sure. It made me realize also how short life is.



None of these things caused me to find myself in an affair but they clearly set the stage.. I look back at that year though, as the start of me mentally leaving my marriage. Many times, I think that's what happens. You mentally leave the bad union BEFORE an affair takes place. An affair is not WHY one mentally leaves the union. I won't speak for everyone though....that's what happened with me, anyhow.



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Hi, I just posted something in another forum, and thought I'd ask it in this one:

 

The death (within the last 5 years roughly) of a parent is (apparantly) often the instigator for the feelings that accommodate an affair to happen. The buffer zone between you being 'young' and 'old' (and 'next in line to go') is often defined by your parents' being alive or not, and makes you think of time like it's running out, in some ways. It's like a mid-life reckoning, and period that instigates reflection, too, and can sometimes make you ask yourself if you want to die like they did - unhappy (and then you identify with that) or happy (and then you look at your own marriage and believe it's not).

 

Where I read this doesn't say how common it is as a catalyst to make changes in one's life in general, let alone how common it is to wayward spouses.

 

So, just a survey I guess - anyone here relate to this in the MM/MW?

 

I can with my ex-MM, hence asking.

 

 

OzGirl,

 

My Dad is still alive, but my Mum was in hospital and effectively dying when I met MM. She died when we had been seeing each other for approximately 6 weeks. I don't think that her illness or death had anything to do with MM, but of course I could be wrong. MM was great, though. Very supportive and understanding. Both his parents are still alive in what I understand to be a happy marriage.

 

Not sure this is of any use to you... :o

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