never_again_isabel Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 I am 26 and married for 5 years to a wonderful man.and one day in Nov. 2005 ,I met this man on my morning bus ride to work,and I daringly made "friends" with him.he lives justa few apartments in the same street where i live.he is 33,single,hockey player and sous chef is his day job.for the whole half a yearI 've known him,he tried so many times to get rid of me,because he wanted to be alone and left alone.and thinks of the whole thing is wrong.(which i admit)the first time we did it was in december,andafter that he did'nt want to see me again.he told me its wrong and he wants to settle down with someone right one day when he finds the right one.in february,i found out i was pregnant,and in march I was thinking it could be his,so i cameover talked to him about it,and he cooperates and in fact wanted the baby as long as i make him a part of it.he asked me many things like what i am going to do if it is his?and am i goingto tell my husband.?a few days later i had a miscarriage and I phoned him,and he was so upset andhe told me he doesnt want to talkto me ever again.I wrote him a letter three weeks after that i was devasted with the miscarriage and him not wanting to do with me but i have moved on,and that I was moving far away,and that I was clarifying my thoughts when i told him" I hated everything about him" which is not true and that the fact it is "I have loved him the whole time".and that i wanted to see him for oldtime'ssake.and i called him,and he called me back right away,and we met a few days later and planned a date which happened tonight ,my last night in this State/Province,and a few minutes later i was there in his apartment he was kicking me out and he told me he didnt want to see me again"so I begged to stay and asked for a kiss.and he said he will never change his mind.he said no.and he gave me last 10 minutesto say what i want tosay and if i dont leave his house he will carry me out the door.so I said,i justwant to kiss you and "all that stuff" (another word phrase i like to do to him that is sexual?)sohe was silent for a short while ,the he replied,"okay ,let's go ".so the wholetimei have known him,and i have noticed his way of devastation when something unpleasant happens to him,like hope of being a father or someone like me going away apparently I said " I'm going away because of him"....is it just my delusion if I think that he is actually sad that I am leaving far away?the fact that he mentioned it in a soft voice tonight that"so you 're leaving at 3 am?that sucks."I can write a very beautiful forbidden lovestory about this based on all the facts.for now please tell me what you think about this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Well, I'm not quite sure what to say. You're a MW who won't leave this single man alone and you've put him through all sorts of unhappiness? Is that right? Or am I missing something? Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 I am a MW to...I have felt insane over my obsession with my MM and have acted on it by tracking him down in a panic..but that was about the extent of it. perhaps being pregnant changed your hormones and top that with unrequited love and I am sure it can be a recipe for disaster. the only helpful advice I can give you is for you to see a doctor for perhaps anti-depressants and also seek counseling to get this off your chest. you have to face that this affair is over,and no amount of pleading to this man is going to change that. all you are doing is inviting more pain into your life with every unreturned phone call..or any imagined words of encouragement..your grasping at straws here and the only person who is going to lose is you. best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 It sounds like he didn't want this from the beginning and he told you so. But you persisted. He told you he wants a normal life. He sounds very hurt and confused. And he is making the right decision. You offered yourself up one more time for another roll in the hay and he went for it. (Few guys are going to say no to that). You have to accept the fact that he hurts very badly and you cannot do anything to change that except to stay out of his life so HE can move on. Your mission should be to work on your happiness and your M. You haven't mentioned your feelings for your H either and the state of your M. That should be your focus now. He has to take care of his own happiness as well. Link to post Share on other sites
beachrosie Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Well, I'm not quite sure what to say. You're a MW who won't leave this single man alone and you've put him through all sorts of unhappiness? Is that right? Or am I missing something? This to me is a very sad story, and well something you wrote Sami said something to me. Why would any married person want to bother a content single person and make them unhappy, and put all their unhappiness and disfunction upon them? Is it because they want to rob that person of their contentment in their own lives? Is it that they want to live through their victim? Is it because they really don't care at all about the other person, other than being obsessived and totally trying to dominate them? I ended my own relationship yesterday, even though he did seperate. I realized I don't want all the disfunction or for me to become the next "unhappy" wife. Some people just don't care about the damage they do to innocent bystanders, whom have no idea of other's ulterior motives. I really believe I was hunted down and tracked for a while and made to believe he was my best friend so he could bring me into his world of horror. I'm sorry...I feel terrible for this man and someone find it very close to my own situation...and I am over it and people that don't care about anyone else but themselves. It's funny that people say the "other people" are always to blame...but it is not... It is the disfunctional husband and wife that pull in all these victims into their houses of dispare..and please...I can't even go into what it does to the children. If you have a bad relationship, keep it to yourself, and leave the rest of us alone...please. If you want sympathy, go talk to another abuser like yourself. Poor guy, poor us. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Yes, you are very, very sick. you seriously need to see a therapist. It is not OK to obsess over this single guy when you are already married. Have you considered what you are doing to his emotional health? Get a grip of yourself and stop being so selfish! Link to post Share on other sites
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