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How long do affairs normally last


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Old 4th April 2006, 12:30 PM   #1
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How long do affairs normally last

Any thought on this? I"m also curious. If they go on for a long time, 5 years or more, do you think they guy would ever leave his wife? or just keep doing the same thing until he gets caught?
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Old 5th April 2006, 11:23 PM   #2
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i have been in a relationship with my mm for over 3 years now.... first started as friends and then turned emotional and then finally psycial. i think alot of them will do it untill they get caught and then once the dust settles they will start back again......... maybe not with the same person but they will find someone
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Old 5th April 2006, 11:51 PM   #3
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I have been with my MM for just over 3 years.........he has the best of two worlds.........he isn't going to sacrifice either relationship.
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Old 6th April 2006, 1:11 AM   #4
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I believe the affair will last as long as either 1) the MM get caught 2) the OW makes NC or 3) the OW wants the MM to get a divorce and the MM starts to recoil.

I believe the can go on for years and years and years...my MM and I have known each other about a year and half...we kept inching closer and closer now it's pretty much out of hand and I know if I don't end it,it won't stop.
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Old 6th April 2006, 2:08 AM   #5
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I "met" him online 6 years ago. Met him in person after knowing him 8 months..slept with him 2 months after that. THE REST IS HISTORY. A long, complicated history.

That 's the short version. Somehow the novella I wrote describing it all was lost in cyberspace and probably this is just as well anyhow.
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Old 6th April 2006, 2:33 AM   #6
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They last forever...

or until one of the people having the affair decides to end it. Most of the time, affairs don't end even after the MM/MW has been caught. Exposer simply makes the affair more difficult.

My grandfather had an affair that lasted for 50 years. It began before he and my grandmother got married and had 9 children. And it lasted until the OW died at the age of 72. My grandmother knew about the affair. Everyone knew. But no one talked about it. My grandmother chose to accept the affair because she didn't want to divorce my grandfather. And he never left her.

I don't know what the OW's life was like. I met her a few times while she was alive. She had 4 children (not my grandfather's). But she wasn't married. I guess she was happy with being the OW. Despite the affair, my grandfather was an attractive, generous, and well respected man.

I wonder, if I ever find a man like him, would I be like my grandmother by accepting the affair. Or would I be like I've been so far, losing men I love because of OW?
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Old 6th April 2006, 4:28 AM   #7
 
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I'm taking a page from my mom, it lasted till the OW had a child. She divorced his sorry butt.

As the mother of his first male child, in a chinese male dominated society, guess who had power in the relationship.
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Old 6th April 2006, 6:31 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ratstail
Any thought on this? I"m also curious. If they go on for a long time, 5 years or more, do you think they guy would ever leave his wife? or just keep doing the same thing until he gets caught?
I think this has already been answered... they go on as long as they do, until a D-day, or the OW gets tired of it. Why else would they stop? (but as someone has already said, many times the affair just continues, more carefully, even after discovery).

Whether a MM will leave his wife or not is another story. I've just written in another thread about how MM are ones for taking the easy route. And divorce cannot be considered an easy route by anyone.

There is some stuff written about how 'if he hasn't left after 6 months then he's never going to leave'. But there was a survey on another site recently, one in which OW post, which asked about how long it was before their MM filed for divorce. The results were that most divorces happened 2-3 years into the affair. There was another survey on the same site asking about the 2-year itch that OW get... certainly I know this has happened to me (I've lost patience completely with the waiting, and I've turned into a miserable witch about it... it's now or never as far as I'm concerned). I think there's probably something more than coincidence in these timings... i.e. OW gets really fed up after 2 years... and then either ends it, or MM leaves his M.

So, I would think that there are a number of periods when his leaving is more likely than others. One is early in the affair, before it gets settled into long-term. I would think this would be true if the MM was already thinking of getting out, and his finding someone outside the M was a catalyst to that. The second would be around the 2-3 year mark, when the OW started stamping her feet or getting depressed or walking away. A MM who had fallen in love and wanted a future with his OW might leave then. Then the other time might be much later in an affair which had lasted many years, perhaps when any children of the M had grown and left home. I'm surmising about this last one, however, because I've not read reports from OW that this actually happened to them. I'm going on the prevalence for divorce in couples who have children going to college... but maybe it's the wife who files then. I don't know.

Anyway, there's another ramble over.
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Old 6th April 2006, 9:21 AM   #9
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I agree with other posters as well. Till they get caught or there is a child that comes from the affair . If it is going on this long why would they stop it when they are getting away with it? It will continue if it has gone on this long. Does the OP know?
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Old 6th April 2006, 9:25 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cupcake

My grandfather had an affair that lasted for 50 years. It began before he and my grandmother got married and had 9 children. And it lasted until the OW died at the age of 72.
Wow, for 50 years, huh. That astonishes me for some reason. I'm not sure if its because I can't imagine it lasting taht long or if I can't imagine being in this same situation for that amount of time
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Old 6th April 2006, 9:43 AM   #11
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Wow!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blind Illusion
Wow, for 50 years, huh. That astonishes me for some reason. I'm not sure if its because I can't imagine it lasting taht long or if I can't imagine being in this same situation for that amount of time
Blind Illusion,

That is amazing. My instant thought was that it sounds like your grandfather met the love of his life that maybe he couldnt have for one reason or another. Then met your grandmother who he just adored as well. That is facinating. (The subject deserves its own thread.)
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Old 6th April 2006, 11:04 AM   #12
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That wasn't me CeeJay, but Cupcake but I was in such awe of this, too, that I had to post on it. I agree, it is worthy of a thread all of its own.
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Old 6th April 2006, 11:07 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CeeJayXX
Blind Illusion,

That is amazing. My instant thought was that it sounds like your grandfather met the love of his life that maybe he couldnt have for one reason or another. Then met your grandmother who he just adored as well. That is facinating. (The subject deserves its own thread.)
wow this story is kinda like the royal family stuff. but it's so sad! how could anyone be in this kinda situation for so long? it's mind blowing
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Old 6th April 2006, 11:23 AM   #14
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Wow my take on Cupcake's grandparents is so different from this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by CeeJayXX
Blind Illusion,

That is amazing. My instant thought was that it sounds like your grandfather met the love of his life that maybe he couldnt have for one reason or another. Then met your grandmother who he just adored as well. That is facinating. (The subject deserves its own thread.)
No need to romanticize it. It's a classic example of patriarchal power. At that time men had power and wives often had no choice but to accept a mistress.

This forum might be an example that men haven't lost very much power, it's just shifted from direct and overt into other kinds of avenues. Women are no longer pissed off but unable to change their marital arrangments... they just re-frame what is basically polygamy into "romance," "soulmates" and "the love that could never be."

Last edited by grateful; 6th April 2006 at 11:28 AM..
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Old 6th April 2006, 11:39 AM   #15
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So my question is this...

What if your MM told you that his wife is pregnant with another child (they already have children)? Would that seal the deal for you? Or would you still stay around?
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