crush from HS

[lovephreakout]

thanks to the internet i found a boy that i used to crush on in highschool. its been about 10 years and during those years he was always on my mind. now that we have reconnected i know there are feelings there and its killing me. i am in a steady relationship with the man i call the love of my life, we talk about getting married one day and having children. i KNOW he is the one for me. at least i think i know that.

 

i dont know what i am doing with this guy from HS. we chatted a little bit online, he asked about my bf. and i told him a little bit about him.

 

it has been so long since i have heard from this guy, and call me selfish but i really miss him and want to talk to him more. just catch up with eachother. i dont want to push him away, but i also cant hurt my BF.

 

has anyone ever been in this kinda situation? what should i do? the bad side of me wants to rendevous, the good side is telling me to keep my relationship with my man pure...

[newbby]

why cant you just be friends with the high school boy??

[bluechocolate]

now that we have reconnected i know there are feelings there and its killing me.

 

You may think there are feelings there but they are for a boy from high school - 10 years ago - not the man you've just recently reconnected with.

 

what should i do?

 

You already know what you shouldn't do - and that's to tempt temptation.

[Neptune]

Your current relationship may be more rational rather than emotional. What I mean is that he passes all the catagories in your mind of the suitable partner but there may still be something lacking emotionally.

 

I find it hard to believe you would be backtracking into your past if you had found your soulmate. It may be good to follow your heart and meet your classmate.

 

There is a saying....sometimes you just gotta satisfy your mind. Better do it now rather than marry some guy and say if only:confused:

[lindya]

Logically, it wouldn't seem to make much sense to meet him, but the emotional dilemma inherent in your problem is probably impossible to solve with logic....so to address that part of things, why not toss a coin?

 

Heads you meet him, tails you don't. If it comes up heads and the feeling of dread outweighs the feeling of excitement, that should help you gauge your feelings about this. Likewise, if it comes up tails and the feeling of disappointment outweighs the feeling of relief then that might be a sign that you've got a bit of adventuring to do before you settle down.

 

You can't decide all your problems with the toss of a coin, obviously - but it can certainly help you measure your feelings and decide what you really want.

[whichwayisup]

Remember, so much time has gone by. He stirred up some feelings in you that you may not have felt so intensely in a while...Don't make a bigger deal of it than it should be. Keep it in perspective. He is a past love, and ofcourse it's natural to think what could have been...Just remember what is infront of you, your life now as you know it. Friends and family in your life, your routine and life with your boyfriend...DO you want to give all that up because of a past flame has brought out some feelings? Really think about it. You don't know this man anymore, you know "of" him and the past. You don't know about who he is and what sort of person he is now.

[basscatcher]

I had a High School sweetheart that I carried a torch for. I carried it for 11 years.

I even had to see a councelor for it because I was obsessed with someday reconnecting with him. I carried this desire through a 11 1/2 year relationship with my XH.

I discoverd that I held onto his memory and clinged to a desire to be with him because he was the one man who genuinely cared about me and tried to help me mature and make good decisions and I didn't listen.

He was always there for me until it got to the point I exhausted him and tapped his focus and energy. I depended on him to always be there.

I blew up a unhealthy image of who he really is. I distorted him humaness and made him like my saviour (my God). I thought being with him would fix everything in my life. That I would finally be fully happy and alive. That this man would complete me.

I was dating other men all the while obsessing over my HS love.

 

I hated my life and myself so much and the more I lived the worse my life got and the bigger I made him out to be perfect for me..

 

I had to get help for myself to let go of the fantasy.. The Cinderella Complex. I thought of him as being the perfect one...

 

When reality came down on me and I woke up and realized there is not just one person made for me or perfect for me I started to realize I had to fix myself and be happy with ME.. This man I obsessed over was just a man with flaws and wasn't perfect and couldn't make my life perfect and whole..

 

I may have gone deeper then you are with your feelings for this man but maybe you do obsess over him.

 

I even got pg on this mans birthday fantasing I was making love to him and not my husband. My son was born 3 days early 9 months later... I carry the knowledge that my son was concieved during a fantasy of my HS sweetheart while I was having sex with my husband.

 

Even the night before my wedding day I dreamed my HS sweetheart would come crashing through the doors of the church when the priest said "speak now or forever hold your peace." and he would stop the wedding because he knew I was still in love with him..

 

Be careful about what you think and what is real.. Please..

[EMJ]

Are you the same person you were 10 years ago? Maybe you should just have lunch with him and find out how you feel?

 

I have two female friends who had the experience of going back to see the men they either dated or had feelings for when they were in High School. They also had about 10 or so years of distance from the person. One flew across the country to see the guy and the other one was in a nearby town so he came to visit her. They also had some nice e-mails before they saw the person again.

 

Both were totally and completely disappointed. One guy had gained A LOT of weight and became a cranky & bitter person. That was the cross country guy which really made her angry since it cost her so much to travel out there. He invited her out to visit but wouldn't even pay for a meal (he became a selfish cheap guy too)!

 

The other one ONLY wanted to talk about High School. He was living in the past and apprarently those were his Glory Days. She found he was working a mediocre job that he hated, but had no ambition to change things and move ahead anywhere in his life.

 

Maybe yours will be different, but I think you owe it to yourself to find out. Maybe he has grown up to be an even better person? Or maybe you'll find out like my firends that you can't go backwards. It certainly got those men out of their systems and thats a good thing too. Good luck.