Jump to content

Legally separated man cheating on me


Recommended Posts

survivinglove

I have been dating a separated man for a little over 2 months. We started out way too fast, and I should have known better, I'll admit that right now. But he said all the right things, and I was in a vulnerable place. Besides, we had a connection from the get go. We had similar interests and things we want in a relationship. We spent so much time together in the first 6 weeks we were already talking marriage once his divorce is final.

 

About 3 weeks ago things started to shift. He became more distant and we began spending less time together. Part of the shift, I thought, was a change in my daughter's schedule. She goes to year-round school and is normally with me on the week and her dad on weekends. That offered lots of time for my guy and I to spend together. But three weeks before Thanksgiving she went "off track" and I had her on weekends and not during the week. When the schedule first changed, my guy was excited that we'd have most evenings to spend together. We spent the first few nights together and then he said he couldn't do that anymore because he wasn't getting enough sleep. I understood. We both have demanding jobs.

 

We had plans to spend Thanksgiving together - he was going to go with me to my family's home in a different city. A few days before we were to go, he said he wanted to stay home and spend some time with one of his daughters (she is 21, by the way). I said that was a good idea, and I hardly heard from him the entire weekend. I figured it was because he wanted that time alone with her. When I got home on Sunday night he told me he didn't think we should have sex anymore. This entire past week he was distant, not returning calls, and even was a "no show" for dinner plans we had. He apologized profusely later and just said he was having a really difficult time with the divorce and his hurt. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

 

Last week he told me his other daughter, who had been in basic training in the military, was getting medically discharged and would be home sometime this past Friday (Dec. 2.). He said he wanted to spend the weekend with her. I was more than willing to give him that time with her. We spent our lunch break together on Friday and he said he was excited to spend the weekend with his daughter. I asked him to let me know when she was in town, so I wouldn't bother them. Later in the evening I called to see if she'd arrived, and he said he hadn't heard from her, and he was going to spend some time with his other daughter while they waited to hear from the younger (who was supposed to be arriving on a bus, but they didn't know what time). I had plans with friends and got home about 1 a.m. Saturday morning. I had a strange feeling that my guy had been lying to me, so I drove to his house. He wasn't home. I drove by his ex-wife's house, where his daughter's live, and his car wasn't there either. I knew he was with someone else, just knew it. I didn't hear from him until this afternoon, and he called to tell me that his daughter had called to say she wouldn't be in town until Wednesday of this next week, so he packed up early Saturday morning to head to the mountains for some snowshoeing. I never accused him of anything, just told him I was glad he had a good weekend to himiself. He doesn't know I knew he wasn't home Friday night. He doesn't know I know he's been perusing dating sites. My gut tells me he met someone in a different town, and they met in between to spend the weekend together. That's sort of his modus operandi.

 

So tonight I told him I don't like what our relationship is doing to me. I'm too emotionally attached and can't handle the up-and-down of his emotions. He gives so much thens pulls away. I am falling in love with this man, and I thought he was falling in love with me. In fact he told me he was. I may have lost him forever, and if I did, I guess that was meant to be. But I'm hoping by pulling out emotionally, I'll give him the space he needs to heal, to get through his divorce, to spend with his daughters and to quench his curiosity about other women (he was married to one woman for 22 years). And I'm hoping that by doing this, he will eventually realize his feelings for me and we can begin building a relationship together again.

 

Am I doing the right thing?

Link to post
Share on other sites
travellingman

Am I doing the right thing?

 

No. He already said you two should stop having sex. No straight man says that to a woman unless he's trying to cut down on how much guilt he feels. He's grown tired of you for whatever reason, and the same might happen with his new catch in two months as well.

 

What could very well happen here is he starts to miss you, and calls out of the blue just when you're about to give up hope. If I were you, I'd move on, painful as that might be.

Link to post
Share on other sites

He's letting you down easily. Sorry to say this, but it's more or less over. Bit by bit he's detached himself from you, giving you family reasons why. Then the no sex talk. Seems he isn't ready to get into another relationship, needs to be on his own for a while.

 

The best thing now you can do for yourself is call him and you be the one to completely break it off. No contact...No talking, no emailing, no friendship. His kids are number one, his work is important, but somehow he isn't making that extra effort with you.

 

Sorry, and keep posting.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...