Bi female in love with female supervisor. Feelings mutual?

[loveherfromadistance]

Ok. This may take a while to read and fully understand, but please read and reply if you can help in anyway.

 

I have been working at the same place for 4 years now. Right out of high school.

I am Bisexual (closeted) have a boyfriend(if that is what you want to call him) for 4 and a half years. We don't get along anymore. I am no longer in love with him. I love him but I'm not IN love with him. He nor anyone else is aware of my feelings for certain girls. I consider myself more straight than Bi, because it takes alot for me to see another girl in that way.

 

I work in a warehouse. I got interviewed for my job 4 years ago. The supervisor who ended up hiring me and still is my supervisor today. I immeditly noticed her. Not like other girls. She is very feminine, but I got the impression that she was Bi also. I don't know for sure but my gaydar is pretty good. She also made a point to tell me she has no probs with gays. She is quite a few years older than me but she looks and acts like she is 25. I am 23. Age really means nothing to me or her. She is dating a guy my age who also works at the same place but in a different department under a different supervisor. She has been seeing him for about a year.

 

I always got this feeling that she had feelings for me. She always looks at me and does little flirty things that she doesn't do to anyone else. She calls me her favorite and calls me "her" little (my name). She always gets close to me whenever she can. If I sit on the table she scootches up right next to me. These little things she does all the time. Where I work it is dusty and dirty. The other day she says to me "Hey your boobie is dirty." I replied, "Thanks for noticing." She got all flustered and said, " How could I not notice" and it left us both smiling. It was a very small speck of dirt. But I always watch her eyes as I walk past her and she checks me out. She was on the phone in her office with this guy in the main office who I have never met before as the main office is in a different state. When I walked in she said hold on (my name) I'll be right with you. I guess the guy asked her who I was and she told him. Then I hear her say "Yeah, she's hot!" and she turned around and smiled at me. She was trying her damnedest to get me to take a job in the office. I would be in there with her and this other old lady. When she told me to think about it, she said, "I just want you in there with me all day." She left me smiling again. The job was difficult so I didn't take it. It became available again and She offered it to me again. I turned it down and told her it was nothing against her, But I would help her out until she found someone to do the job. So I went in and helped her. One day, she had a few things for me to put into the computer. When I was done, I got up to leave and asked her if there was anything else I could do for her. She said that was it. When I turned to leave the room, She said, "Fine, Leave me then..." and smiled. I replied, "You said that was all.." she laughed and said, " Yeah you can go."

The biggest thing and best thing was last year at our company picnic. It was on a saturday. The day before, she was telling our male lead at work how at her old job when they had a picnic, this girl got drunk and confessed her love to their male boss. I was standing there as she was telling this.

 

So, the party and what a party it was. I got there w/my boyfriend. She was there with hers. Not drunk yet. They didn't start serving the beer yet as they were having trouble with the keg. She came over, I introduced her to my boyfriend. She tells him, "Nice to meet you. You know... me and (my name) are really close..... So close we are almost lesbian lovers." She starts smiling, looks back to see my expression which I laughed and said,"Don't tell him that, he would like that too much." My boyfriend isn't fond of lesbians, But because she is my boss he smiled and shook his head. I few minutes later, with one beer in her, she says "(my name) Your my favorite, I love her so much" grabs me and plants a big kiss on my cheek. That was number one of the night. The rest of the night where the party was, she bought me all my drinks, I swear she wanted me drunk. She was hugging me, putting her arm around me, kissed me a total of five times only on the cheek though. She did this in front of her boyfriend and mine and also everyone else we work with. After the party a few of us went to her boyfriends house. (she ignored her boyfriend all day) She told me I had to come as again she planted another one on me. I said I would. She told my boyfriend that she loved me and that he better watch out for her. She was really drunk so I don't think he thought anything of it. We got really close a few times at her boyfriends, when everyone else was outside. we were forehead to forehead as she was saying something. I can't remember what she said,she made me two really potent drinks. 95% alcohol. We didn't kiss on the lips or anything like that, I don't remember leaving. The next time I seen her was at work. I was excited to go so I can see her. I wanted to talk to her the next day but We never exchanged phone numbers, still haven't. I guess I was acting a little weird, but I really wanted her to start any and all conversations. She is the braver one of us two. She ended up breaking the ice with, "man what a party, My boyfriend said no more." She said all her friends were jealous because she was giving me all the attention. She said they can go "F" off. I reminded her what she said about us being lesbian lovers. She said she remembers and just laughed. She told me how she told my boyfriend he better watch out for her. I thought she was too drunk to remember, I guess not. We both laughed, then sighed, and left it all alone. Never mentioned it again. Until about two months ago. I lost a few pounds, I was getting a little heavy. She told me I look great and asked me what my boyfriend thought of the weight loss. I said he didn't care. She told me he better be treating me good or else she will have to step in. whatever that means. I talked to her more about my boyfriend and I and how I really want to get rid of him. She told me to do it, so I can find someone else and be happy.

I am so much in love with her. Since day one. I want to know if anyone else think she feels the same way. I focused mainly on the things she does to me, but I also do things to her. But I don't let too much out. I watch her as she walks through the room and she sees me watching me. I smile at her. It is like we have this mental relationship going on. I think we even have fights mentally. It's weird. I even made a email account left out my name and details just to send her little email cards and leave the anoyomous. So she knows she has a secret admirer.

I want to know if she feels the same. I think she does but I also think we are both waiting for each other to make the first move. I can't. What if i'm wrong? Maybe she is thinking the same. Maybe she wonders like I do. I know people are going to say don't mix work and love. But i don't care anymore. You can't control who you fall in love with or tell your heart to stop loving them. Does it sound like she's into me? any advice will help. thanks.

[whichwayisup]

If you want to explore this with her, you both must end the relationships you're in now... You've already said you love your bf but aren't inlove with him. Don't stay with somebody you don't love. Never settle because (not saying you are...) you don't want to be alone.

 

I don't know about the work situation, I'm not one to talk as I met my husband while working at the same place and almost 13 years later we're still together! (Mind you in the past 2 years I've not worked there anymore.) SO I'm not the best person to say don't mix work and dating! Never say never...

 

Anyway, you need to decide WHO you want to be with before you do anything.

 

Hope this helps.

[loveherfromadistance]

thanks for your reply. I was thinking that maybe if I do leave my current boyfriend maybe then she might come clean and confess. There are plenty of reasons I have for wanting to leave him, not only because of this. He is just plain horrible to me.

It's only a matter of time before I go through with it. Probably sooner than later. But from what I have told you about her. Do you think she has feelings for me? If someone did these things to you, what would you think?

[Neptune]

Any time you have a situation where you are working with someone it is a little more difficult to make a move. When you add to that situation the person is your boss then it becomes futher complicated. Not only for you but your boss. Because she always has to consider if you turn on her and then claim so sort of harassment. No doubt, I think your assessment is correct. Regardless of where you go from here, cut your current boyfriend loose. It is time for that.