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Is It Creepy If I.....


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 2nd February 2018, 12:29 AM   #1
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Is It Creepy If I.....

I'm new to this forum. I was imprisoned early October last year, and just got out of jail. I was at this women's correctional center. I'm not a drinker, smoker, or drug user. While I was in jail I was fairly quiet, and had few people I would talk to.

There are male prison guards that work there. There was this one that is very good looking. When he was sent to escort me to a medical appointment I started checking him out. He caught me, and locked eyes with me for about 10 seconds, he then walked away.

I saw him come back when I went into the doctor, I think he looked at me again. During the following weeks he was glancing at me a few times. Here and there. Sometimes I wold catch him looking at me. Somebody told me he's married. Around this time I started to get very attracted to him.

I would think about him all the time, and look out my cell door just to look at him. The jail range had an upper level, and lower. In the morning when I would come out from my cell on the upper I would see him looking at me from the desk on the lower.

Before I left jail he looked me in my eyes, and then I left a few days after. My question is what does it means when he locked eyes with me? I really want to
text him or hang out with him. I have not stopped thinking about him. I thought about mailing a card with my number to him, or going there, and waiting in my car to see what he drives, and leave a note with my digits in it on his car windshield.

Would that be creepy? And the locking of eyes I'm confused about.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 2:15 AM   #2
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Yeah that sounds creepy. What do you want from this guard? He's married so it's unlikely anything would come from you hooking up with him other than a lot of hurt for at least a couple of people. You served your time now it's a new phase in your life, a time of new beginnings and better choices. Deciding to chase a married prison guard is a really poor choice.
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Old 5th February 2018, 9:07 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by BratzDoll View Post
I'm new to this forum My question is what does it means when he locked eyes with me? I really want to
text him or hang out with him. I have not stopped thinking about him. I thought about mailing a card with my number to him, or going there, and waiting in my car to see what he drives, and leave a note with my digits in it on his car windshield.

Would that be creepy? And the locking of eyes I'm confused about.
I know you may feel lonely and unsettled right now, but if I were just out of jail, I think I would want as uncomplicated a life as possible.
As for the locked eyes, who knows? Curiosity? Attraction? Maybe.
I probably wouldn't act on the strength of that little bit of evidence. But that's just me.
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Old 5th February 2018, 9:49 PM   #4
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As MollieMcWench wrote, I would imagine that being incarcerated and isolated from the "outside" world for even a few months is probably very unsettling and puts you in a vulnerable place emotionally.

Start paying attention to men you come across now that you are out and you might find that you will "lock eyes" with some of them. I would strongly suggest leaving your former prison guard in the past with your jail time and focus on a fresh start in all areas of your life, including potential romantic/sexual interests.
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Old 6th February 2018, 5:10 AM   #5
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it's good that you're used to killing time. keep on with this and you will be "doing time" all over again.

waiting for calls and texts, waiting around for him to show up for illicit trysts. waiting for him to poast pics of his family vacay with the wife on FB.

waiting for him to slip away from his wife and job to come by and throw you a little on the side.

waiting for his wife to find out, waiting to see if she will throw him out or punch you in the face.

why not use the time to figure out why you're so comfy in a cage with a jailer. it's almost like you can't wait to have someone run your life for you.

you're out of the cage, stay that way.
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Old 6th February 2018, 5:26 AM   #6
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I have to agree with the others. It's probably a good time to stop making bad choices.
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Old 9th February 2018, 2:49 PM   #7
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But what I don't get is why he was looking at me all the time. I only wanted a fling that's all. He looks like my long distance boyfriend.
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Old 9th February 2018, 7:28 PM   #8
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But what I don't get is why he was looking at me all the time. I only wanted a fling that's all. He looks like my long distance boyfriend.
Yes, it would be creepy to contact him in any way.

He may have been looking at you all the time because he'd seen you checking him out and it was an ego boost for him.

Maybe like, "I could probably have her if I wanted to." Like you'd look at a cookie or piece of cake you wanted but knew you shouldn't have.

Or maybe you caught his attention when you were checking him out and he thought you looked like someone he knows. Maybe like a sister, cousin or friend.

Or maybe he was looking at you because he thought you looked pretty. Or weird. Or attractive. Or smart, or crazy. Or who knows what? Could be a million things.

The thing that strikes me the most about this is that he's never made a move toward you for anything at all. And yet you're thinking about him so much you've posted on a forum about him.

Have you developed a habit of fantasizing so that you can escape reality?

If that's so, why not make choices now that will begin to build a reality for yourself that's fulfilling enough that you don't have to fantasize to supplement it?

Last edited by LivingWaterPlease; 9th February 2018 at 7:30 PM..
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Old 11th February 2018, 4:10 PM   #9
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Prisons & jails contain a social dynamic that is based on power and control. He may have been looking in your eyes as a way of asserting his power and letting you know that he is in charge, which he should be, as a prison guard.

I can understand developing a crush while inside to help you pass the time and occupy your mind. But now you are out in the world again. The best thing you can do for yourself is to move forward and leave this in the past.

One other thought....if you are on parole or probation, the behavior you suggest could be considered a violation of the terms of your release. Why take a chance?
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