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Reflecting after final NC


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 31st January 2018, 2:39 AM   #1
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Unhappy Reflecting after final NC

I haven't posted in years, so I'll give a brief background. I'm a MW in only an EA for almost 9 years. We never actually met in person (long distance between us, but same country).


As I write this, I think how crazy that is that I've never actually even met him. It almost makes me question even writing this (as if it couldn't be 'real' to feel for someone I've never seen or touched).


I met him on a certain website where we both posted questions and answers. He had a link to his blog, and I used to read it. I messaged him and asked him to write me. I enjoyed reading his blog, not to mention he was super-handsome (still is). Now, I've never verified this in person, but we traded many pics. There were intimate phone calls, and thousands (literally) of emails, messages, etc. between us for nearly 9 years.


Personally, I think he gave up on me a couple years ago (there was a 5 month NC). Since I broke NC, it was mostly me trying to pull him back in and him mostly being angered by this.


I have a lot of realizations since this last NC (around Thanksgiving). Before he blocked me (after telling me NC would be soon), he told me I hadn't had him to lose for a long time and that he knew I was just using him.
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Old 31st January 2018, 6:47 PM   #2
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Uhm, itís hard to imagine this was ever a real relationship.....what do you miss about your phantom acquaintance; the mystery and intrigue, the hopefulness of maybe one day meeting in person?
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Old 1st February 2018, 6:51 AM   #3
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Online relationships can be very real emotionally. It's not weird to have feelings, or to be hurt when that contact ends.

Long-distance-only relationships can involve a lot more than just a "phantom" impression, many people get quite involved. Shared projects, shared purchases, sexting, etc. It is a relationship. However, of course, it's a lot easier for such a relationship to hide lies if they want to (even catfishing), or to compartmentalise their lives and keep you as a fun little sideline, like a book or a game or porn would be.
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Old 1st February 2018, 7:17 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sadwithouthim View Post
I haven't posted in years, so I'll give a brief background. I'm a MW in only an EA for almost 9 years. We never actually met in person (long distance between us, but same country).


As I write this, I think how crazy that is that I've never actually even met him. It almost makes me question even writing this (as if it couldn't be 'real' to feel for someone I've never seen or touched).


I met him on a certain website where we both posted questions and answers. He had a link to his blog, and I used to read it. I messaged him and asked him to write me. I enjoyed reading his blog, not to mention he was super-handsome (still is). Now, I've never verified this in person, but we traded many pics. There were intimate phone calls, and thousands (literally) of emails, messages, etc. between us for nearly 9 years.


Personally, I think he gave up on me a couple years ago (there was a 5 month NC). Since I broke NC, it was mostly me trying to pull him back in and him mostly being angered by this.


I have a lot of realizations since this last NC (around Thanksgiving). Before he blocked me (after telling me NC would be soon), he told me I hadn't had him to lose for a long time and that he knew I was just using him.
Online relationships are fantasy based. You meet in a "pretend" world and continue to chat in that realm. How did you keep this going without your husband finding out?

Also, the relationship wasn't just emotional if there was sexual talk.
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Old 1st February 2018, 5:03 PM   #5
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Don't underestimate how powerful the emotions can be with online relationships.

Feelings are real and emotions are genuine.

You only have to watch catfish and see how real it is for some.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 4:44 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Practicallyperfect View Post
Uhm, itís hard to imagine this was ever a real relationship.....what do you miss about your phantom acquaintance; the mystery and intrigue, the hopefulness of maybe one day meeting in person?




It felt very real. Yes, I think your suggestions were part of it, but we were also like best friends. We told each other everything.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 4:48 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by somanymistakes View Post
Online relationships can be very real emotionally. It's not weird to have feelings, or to be hurt when that contact ends.

Long-distance-only relationships can involve a lot more than just a "phantom" impression, many people get quite involved. Shared projects, shared purchases, sexting, etc. It is a relationship. However, of course, it's a lot easier for such a relationship to hide lies if they want to (even catfishing), or to compartmentalise their lives and keep you as a fun little sideline, like a book or a game or porn would be.

As good looking as he is (by pictures), probably everyone here would say definitely catfish..lol


He tired of being a secret, and it was anything but fun for a good while now. It was hurtful that it could go nowhere.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 4:52 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Summer08 View Post
Online relationships are fantasy based. You meet in a "pretend" world and continue to chat in that realm. How did you keep this going without your husband finding out?

Also, the relationship wasn't just emotional if there was sexual talk.
For a long time nearing NC, he had called it make believe (sometimes angrily)


My husband did know. I told him 6 months in. At the time, the marriage was horrible. My husband is a very difficult person at times. He had hurt me so much in the past that it didn't phase me to volunteer that information. The other part though was that I had reason to think he was spying on my computer, so thought he might already know or soon find out.


If OM and I were not recently NC, it would have been 9 years almost.


Yeah, I guess it wasn't only emotional, but was never actually in person physical. We talked about it a lot, but never actually met. Part of the reason I wanted to hold on was that it felt so undone because we never met.

Last edited by sadwithouthim; 2nd February 2018 at 4:56 AM..
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Old 2nd February 2018, 5:00 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by sandylee1 View Post
Don't underestimate how powerful the emotions can be with online relationships.

Feelings are real and emotions are genuine.

You only have to watch catfish and see how real it is for some.

I would've never imagined the emotional depth it would reach. Neither of us even intended for it to. Maybe I did subconsciously though. My marriage was ugly, and I craved a connection.


OM is a very good guy and didn't feel good about himself being an OM.


Interesting that both OM and husband know this account...lol. Yes, I am an open book, even when I shouldn't be.
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