LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > The Other Man / Woman

do all MM pull away when..


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

Like Tree34Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 27th January 2018, 7:12 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 188
do all MM pull away when..

Do they all pull away when they are having difficult times in their marriage? Mine used to say he needed to take a step back from me whenever he was experiencing difficult times with his kids or wife. He would say something like he needed to focus on his family because his kid or wife was going through a tough time at school or work or whatever.

Anyone else have this with their MM and how did it make you feel?
Savannah2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th January 2018, 7:31 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Antipodes
Posts: 8,332
When it comes to human reactions, there is no ALL when considering individual responses.

But I would imagine it's not uncommon for them to put their focus on the primary relationship and responsibilities when required. It's no different to how our hobbies get put to one side when we're busy with more important things.
basil67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th January 2018, 7:54 PM   #3
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 21
My MM pulls away whenever anything is bothering him. He doesn't always tell me what's going on at home though. I just try to be patient when he gets that way. In fact, he was super sweet and close lately and today he's very distant . Responding with one word texts. I used to get very insecure wondering why he is like this, now im learning just let him be. I try to give him space whe. He needs it. Seems to work wonders with him. It does hurt my feelings and make me feel insecure when he gets like this though.

Last edited by Lehcar1012; 27th January 2018 at 7:58 PM..
Lehcar1012 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th January 2018, 8:04 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 188
It was always very eye opening to me when he would do this. I always felt like I was his “reward” for lack of better terms. Like when things were going well st home, he rewarded himself with me and didn’t feel as guilty because all his primary relationships with wife and kids were good so he deserved something on the side. What a terrible place to be in..,
Savannah2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2018, 2:47 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 395
Is this even a relationship? I only see one person here and it is MM. He is the only one that matters,all focus is on him. Where are you in all of this?
To answer your question, my affair was only a few months but my AP never pulled away or went dark on me(even at times when he should have).
Maybe he wanted to pull away sometimes but I think he knew that if he did, I wouldn't be there next time he reached out.
I think you should try to shift your focus from him back to yourself. Why are you tolerating being treated as someone who is nice to have but not appreciated or important? Even if you're not important to him, you matter 100%. He doesn't get to define your worth.
Start by wanting more for yourself.
imsosad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2018, 3:02 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Antipodes
Posts: 8,332
Quote:
Originally Posted by Savannah2 View Post
What a terrible place to be in..,
You have the power here. Be brave and use it.
basil67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2018, 6:59 AM   #7
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 7
My exMM used to go mia from time to time. I’ve since learned this happened when he was threatened by W to stop seeing me or when there was a wedding or other family function the OW would never be asked to attend
Practicallyperfect is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2018, 11:00 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Adoraxx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 466
My xMM went cold on me OFTEN. Sometimes I wondered if it was because of guilt, at other times I think he just had 'enough' of me as if I was no longer interesting enough. (That is: until he became horny again) I always thought this behavior was very insulting. He hurt me a LOT with it
Adoraxx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2018, 11:08 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,346
Quote:
Originally Posted by Savannah2 View Post
Do they all pull away when they are having difficult times in their marriage? Mine used to say he needed to take a step back from me whenever he was experiencing difficult times with his kids or wife. He would say something like he needed to focus on his family because his kid or wife was going through a tough time at school or work or whatever.

Anyone else have this with their MM and how did it make you feel?
In case you haven't figured it out their wife and family are first priority.
Marc878 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2018, 11:10 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 395
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adoraxx View Post
My xMM went cold on me OFTEN. Sometimes I wondered if it was because of guilt, at other times I think he just had 'enough' of me as if I was no longer interesting enough. (That is: until he became horny again) I always thought this behavior was very insulting. He hurt me a LOT with it
So sorry you went through this.
What I don't get is making excuses for the MM. He's feeling guilty and that's an ok reason to treat you like crap? But then, when he wants sex, his guilt just evaporates?
I don't buy it.
I think they behave this way because they can, because being in an affair lowers your standards and sets the bar so low that any behavior will do.
I felt very guilty during my affair but it never turned in to nasty/hurtful behavior towards my AP because I really cared for him.
These MM behave this way because they can and they don't care enough to do better.
I really hope each and every woman who replied that she is also being treated this way will live herself enough to not tolerate this degrading behavior. Nothing to do with guilt, everything to do with not treating the OW as a person.
imsosad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2018, 11:28 AM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 188
I started to call his bluff Towards the end of the affair when I was pretty disconnected from him .. probably from years of push pull. When he would say he needed to step away instead of fighting him and begging him not to, I would just say ok and not seem bothered. Doing this always seemed to have the opposite effect and he would actually show more effort towards me the more disconnected and unbothered I became...


What a s$&it show
Savannah2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2018, 11:46 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 78
MM did that to me on several occasions. He told me once that when he had too much confusion he just needed to withdraw, from everyone, BW as well as me. I think he knew what he was doing was wrong and that he was hurting both of us, but he was too weak to stop, he wanted his BW and their life together but also wanted me (or whoever else was giving him the extra attention, affection & ego boost at the moment). During these times I believe he drank more and self medicated with other substances to escape reality when it all got too much for him to handle. Deep down he was/is a good guy, but he is damaged and does destructive and hurtful things. That was my experience.

If the affair lasts more than a brief period of time it's probably common to most, but as we can see from the posts here, not necessarily for the same reasons.
Finding my way is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2018, 12:15 PM   #13
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 21
For those feeling insecure, isn't the premise of the whole relationship built on deception, non-trust, and, ultimately, lack of transparency, which breed insecurity?
justanotheroneofyou is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2018, 1:03 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 395
Quote:
Originally Posted by justanotheroneofyou View Post
For those feeling insecure, isn't the premise of the whole relationship built on deception, non-trust, and, ultimately, lack of transparency, which breed insecurity?
Yes. By definition it is unpredictable, unstable, secretive, sneaky, peculiar, anxious, painful.
I think for some it us precisely the point-an exciting supplement to a boring routine.
However, for so many it was a blow to our self esteem, s3lf respect, peace of mind and integrity. Mostly, it's just very unfulfilling and leaves you bouncing of the walls.
imsosad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2018, 7:35 PM   #15
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by imsosad View Post
Is this even a relationship? I only see one person here and it is MM. He is the only one that matters,all focus is on him. Where are you in all of this?
To answer your question, my affair was only a few months but my AP never pulled away or went dark on me(even at times when he should have).
Maybe he wanted to pull away sometimes but I think he knew that if he did, I wouldn't be there next time he reached out.
I think you should try to shift your focus from him back to yourself. Why are you tolerating being treated as someone who is nice to have but not appreciated or important? Even if you're not important to him, you matter 100%. He doesn't get to define your worth.
Start by wanting more for yourself.


I have the same question here. Why is it just about him? What about you and your feelings and where you stand in this relationship? There are many answers we can give you as to why your MM would be distant, but you need to also focus and care about YOU. What are you getting out of this? Are you a priority? Are you getting what you deserve? Take it from an OW - put YOUR feelings first. You are who you should be worried about. This life is yours, not his.
OceanBlues132017 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
700 lb pull up King Bowls Physical Fitness, Health & Weight Management 28 20th February 2016 9:42 PM
Why Do Men Pull Away UltimatePanacea Dating 20 17th January 2016 12:00 AM
How can I pull on the bus? My lover In Search Of... 3 10th May 2015 8:29 PM
Can you do pull ups? cerridwen Physical Fitness, Health & Weight Management 60 18th July 2011 11:51 AM
What is she trying to pull?! sza Breaks and Breaking Up 1 15th November 2010 6:59 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 3:53 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.