Louis7 Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 ive been the other woman for a year now, but my best friend just started chatting to him on a dating site( they never met) i know his engaged has been for 4 years but im in shock what i just found out he told who my best friend that he sort of seeing one that they live together but its not a major relationship and told her the name and gave his fiance name how can she not be a major relationship but thing thats confusing me when she asked anyone else your seeing and what you looking for on here one he never mentioned me and saying hes not seeing anyone else part from person he lives with 2 he said he looking for open to suggestions and asked her meet up for regular sex she not told him who she is yet he was texting me yesterday saying works been busy and hope you ok etc questions i like to know is 1 yes im not going text him no more dont no if even notice ive not contacted him as i usually initiate them, do you think he notice 2 why say about his fiance but hide hes sleeping with me Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 I'm sorry Louis7, what a hurtful thing to happen. I'm happy you are not going to text him anymore. He'll probably notice a lack of texts from you, but whether he does anything about it or not is another thing, especially if he's filling up his time finding other women on dating sites. After a year seeing you he may think it's best to cool things off with you to avoid having to deal with you wanting more from him and maybe exposing him to his fiance. His admitting the existence of the fiance, even though he's lying about the real nature of their relationship, is because if another woman does even the slightest "research" it could reveal he lives with a woman. He doesn't have to admit you because you probably keep your relationship hidden. Most women aren't interested in getting to know a guy involved with other women so he's making himself appear available. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louis7 Posted January 14, 2018 Author Share Posted January 14, 2018 thankyou everytime i try leave him he made excuses up like busy or illness but he has not drifted from his communication with me, but soon as i say i wont do this anymore hope u have good future hes there babe this and babe that like he dont really want me but dont want me going either hes confusing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 It isn't confusing. A universal rule for married OM is that it is easier to keep the current A going than it is to find, groom and seduce a new AP. Which doesn't mean he's not looking for new opportunities. You know For certain that he is. Which he is IMHO able to completely compartmentalize. Ghost him. Don't talk or text or have any face to face with him. Don't let him fill spaces in your head. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 I'm not sure why you're surprised....a cheater is lining up another other woman to cheat with. Block him and find a single man. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 It's because he really doesn't see you as part of his life. He thinks of you as another one of his FWBs. He is obviously bored and looking for someone else to play with on the side while still being engaged to his girl. This has heartbreak written all over it for you and if you're smart you will end it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louis7 Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 i have tried to end it as that's what i thought to maybe his bored with me but he starts making excuses if i try to leave him and move on saying works busy or hes ill or his kids been in hospital Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 He isn't stopping you from moving on from this affair, you are. Find your strength and end it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 He’s probably married not engaged. But little does he know that that won’t make a difference. Some women will still drink the koolaid. Or maybe he thinks that when he’s ready to stop cheating he can just tell all his side women that he’s gotten married now so this needs to stop goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louis7 Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 He isn't stopping you from moving on from this affair, you are. Find your strength and end it. ok so why does he start texting when i try to end it. making excuses up that he sorry hes just been busy and loves me etc Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 ok so why does he start texting when i try to end it. making excuses up that he sorry hes just been busy and loves me etc I will tell you the same thing I have told other ow on here. If you want to know what kind of behavior he is capable of, forget about his words to you and try taking an objective look at how he treats his wife/fiance/whatever she is to him. More than likely, she is just an average person, same as you. She's going about her life thinking she can trust him, he loves her, he wouldn't cheat on her. Does she deserve to be cheated on, to have him go behind her back, to treat her like crap without her even knowing it? Of course not...ad yet he does it anyway. He treats her like crap, goes behind her back and cheats on her. If he will do it to her, what on god's green earth makes you think he won't do it to you too? His words are worthless. All this being said, you know who and what he is. At some point, you being with him becomes a choice you are making. All the excuses don't change that. Ask yourself this. If he was being physically cruel to you, would you stay and keep asking him to hit you again, again and again or would you pluck up your strength and tell him to shove it? If you won't put up with being physically hurt, why do you endure the emotional hurt? Aren't you worth more than this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louis7 Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 yes i understand what your saying i was in a dv relationship for yrs before he came along but just wanted figure out why if looking for others now and if bored with me why will he not let me go as i thought i give him easier option by saying its over as maybe that's what he wanted but he starts texting making excuses to me that's what i'm not understanding and i have not contacted him for few days now and don't plan too as he has not text me either which i'm used to as i one been initiates the texts my friends tell me he will make contact when he realises i've not done so Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Get familiar with the terms serial cheater and cake eater. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivir Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 (edited) My take on it is that a potential OW would be far less inclined to accept the position of OW #2 if she knows he already has a primary partner and an OW #1 (or even a primary partner and a friend-with-so-called-benefits). If he can sell potential OW's on the fact that his primary relationship is terrible, that his primary partner "doesn't love him" or that their relationship is "just about over" then she might be much more willing to take up the helm of being the OW... but if he mentions OW #1, the potential OW will know he is simply a lying cake-eater. Thus, he didn't mention you, Louis7, because mentioning you doesn't fit his poor and helpless married man narrative. That's my take. Edited January 15, 2018 by Vivir 4 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 He likes variety..so that includes you and several others if he chooses. While you and the rest of his harem are okay with the role you play...he'll take that and lap it up. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 yes i understand what your saying i was in a dv relationship for yrs before he came along but just wanted figure out why if looking for others now and if bored with me why will he not let me go as i thought i give him easier option by saying its over as maybe that's what he wanted but he starts texting making excuses to me that's what i'm not understanding and i have not contacted him for few days now and don't plan too as he has not text me either which i'm used to as i one been initiates the texts my friends tell me he will make contact when he realises i've not done so You ask why he won't let you go yet you admit to initiating texts to him and waiting around for his response. Why don't you take control of your life and stop contacting him then block him from contacting you. You are not some animal on a leash. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 He is engaged and lives with a woman, and sees you on the side, and is also on a dating site? Sounds like he does not respect women at all and feels entitled to treat all of you however he wishes. I agree with above posters who suggest that you stop worrying about what he's doing/why he's doing it. Better to spend your energy figuring out why you allow yourself to be treated in this horrible way. End it with him, as simply as going no contact (he doesn't deserve an explanation) and then blocking him. This relationship is not good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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