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A shock


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I am writing this here, because there is nobody to tell.

 

This morning I was having coffee in my local shopping centre, looked up and xMM's identical look alike was walking towards me. For one moment, I was sure it was him.

 

Same tall thin build, white hair. The gentleman must have thought I was very odd because all I could do was stare at him.

 

It had a suprisingly profound physical and emotional effect. I immediately wanted to throw up and had to hold back tears. I drove home crying and still feel very upset. It was a huge shock to see somebody who could have been him.

 

NO, I have no desire to contact him. Just want to regain my equilibrium.

 

Poppy.

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lookingforclosure

I had a similar incident last night...similar car and similar build

I started shaking and almost had a full blown panic attack

Isn't funny how our body reacts, knowing how toxic these people are to us

 

Hugs Poppy :)

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I had a similar incident last night...similar car and similar build

I started shaking and almost had a full blown panic attack

Isn't funny how our body reacts, knowing how toxic these people are to us

 

Hugs Poppy :)

 

Thanks,

 

I felt trapped. What would I have done if it had been him for real???

Perhaps I would have thrown up on his shoes... oh well! Hopefully we will never know.

 

POppy.

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I had something similar happen recently. But it really was him. I do my best to avoid chance encounters at work but sometimes it is unavoidable. Passed him in the hallway. We looked at each other for a long instant, neither of us knowing what to do, and finally he nodded and I mumbled hello. I don't know how to interpret how he was looking at me - a mixture of confusion and hurt and anger, maybe. I know he doesn't get why I can't be around him. He just thinks I'm being mean to him.

 

But this encounter threw me off and my whole body was buzzing like I'd had an electric shock. I had to go sit at my desk and just breathe for a few minutes.

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Southwardbound
I am writing this here, because there is nobody to tell.

 

This morning I was having coffee in my local shopping centre, looked up and xMM's identical look alike was walking towards me. For one moment, I was sure it was him.

 

Same tall thin build, white hair. The gentleman must have thought I was very odd because all I could do was stare at him.

 

It had a suprisingly profound physical and emotional effect. I immediately wanted to throw up and had to hold back tears. I drove home crying and still feel very upset. It was a huge shock to see somebody who could have been him.

 

NO, I have no desire to contact him. Just want to regain my equilibrium.

 

Poppy.

 

`I get it, it's like your body, though is on auto pilot & you are for a moment not at the helm.

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Oh wow, Poppy, you were caught completely off guard.

Although you might've looked "weird" to the stranger, I am glad this person was not your ex. The experience has given you something to think about though, right? Maybe you can think about what you would do if it were to happen... he walks in and you are confronted by his presence... Hopefully, it won't ever happen... but stranger things have happened :(

 

Recently, I dreamed that I saw an older version of xMM. He had been involved in an accident and was talking with the police as I passed by in my car. He was still quite beautiful but had a more pronounced beard. Anyway, I kept driving and that was that... some portion of my soul was sad for a moment, the way that he looked in my direction without seeing me. The way I saw him but didn't react or get his attention. People who used to know each other, one of whom loved the other, passing by now without a word.

 

Hugs to you, Poppy. You will ride out this wave and you will regain your equilibrium, all without contacting this person who has nothing new or different to say... a person who doesn't fit with your wonderful new life.

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Perhaps I would have thrown up on his shoes...

 

Haha well that's one way to break the spell!

 

I can definitely relate. Every once in awhile I see someone that from a distance looks like my nemesis - uh, xMM. My stomach turns over and I hold my breath. When I realize it's not him, I breathe a HUGE sigh of relief. Feel like I've dodged a bullet. Almost like a near-death experience.

 

Can't believe I'm still reacting this way. I mean, it's been YEARS since I've seen him or talked to him or even heard about him at all.

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MidnightBlue1980

I had that for a while. I would feel intense anxiety if I saw anyone who looked remotely like him. I eventually went on antianxiety drugs, off now. This of it as a PTSD, you went through a terrible event. I'm sure I'd feel it if I saw him.

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I had that for a while. I would feel intense anxiety if I saw anyone who looked remotely like him. I eventually went on antianxiety drugs, off now. This of it as a PTSD, you went through a terrible event. I'm sure I'd feel it if I saw him.

 

Well this man this morning could have been his identical twin... I kid you not.

 

Still unsettled and it was 8 hours ago. I can't wait for tomorrow and a new day.

Poppy.

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Oh Poppy :/,I dont know why this happens really. Stay strong Poppy.

 

As much as I never want to connect to xMM nor see nor talk. I would shake too, if he called me or messaged me. I would freeze too if he actually physically came in front of me (well, I only saw him at school never during EA , it was only my messaging and very few calls from him, funney hey). Its normal for you to get upset. I think it will pass slowly but surely. Hang in there :).

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FoundMyStrength

Hi Poppy -- I know how you feel and my thing was not as long nor as involved as yours. I honestly think these things are such traumatic experiences, it's almost a form of PTSD. (And as someone who works in mental health, I don't say that lightly). These chance encounters trigger such emotional and physiological responses and bring you right back to those awful days.

 

I've had similar reactions. Once, when I had another MM (and boss) try to start something while I worked at a job very similar to the one where I met xMM. It was such a helpless, nauseating feeling every single day.

 

And now I hear from friends that xMM is on a trip to the US away from the country he relocated to. Even that leaves me unsettled. He is not thousands of miles away but hundreds. As odd as it sounds, even that is unsettling.

 

I wish you well Poppy and hope a good night's sleep has helped.

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(((Poppy)))

 

That is unsettling, for sure. I would have reacted he same way. I still struggle a lot with anxiety when it comes to xAP. It's happened where I see him driving, or I know I might run into him because of our kids. You're not alone. Hang in there! I hope you have a good rest and like you say, tomorrow is a new day. You'll get through this!

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The reaction was normal. You really did love him so the unexpected encounter is a form of PTSD due to a trigger.

 

Hope it gets better and you just keep posting like you have so far.

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Dreamwalker17

Those of you who really didn't have to see theirs xmm's, you all are so incredibly lucky.

I had to work with mine very closely, it was like dying thousands deaths every day.

 

Poppy, you will bounce back quickly, it just took you by surprise because you've reconciled with the thought that you will never see him again, so you were completely unprepared.

 

It always help to create little scenarios in your mind what to do if you have accidental run in - how to bow out quickly and gracefully if you are face to face with them, or how to avoid being seen and leave the scene quickly to avoid the situation altogether.

 

You've come so far, you'll be back on your feet in no time.

 

Best wishes, D.

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Thanks Everyone for your replies.

 

I am almost back to normal now. Still feeling a little upset, but no doubt tomorrow will be better.

 

He is not likely to cross my path again as he lives a long way from me. He would have no reason to be in my suburb. He will stay well away as he fears I will tell his wife if he annoys me.

 

POppy.

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Oh Poppy, that must have been such a shock to you.

The other day I had a similar experience: For about 1/2 a second I thought I saw xMM walking near the train station where I live! I realized very quickly that it wasn't him but it was something about the way the man walked (he didn't look alike or anything).

 

I also don't think he'll really come to see me now that I've moved but I suppose you never know........ Ugh it's hard isn't it!!! I hope you're feeling so much better by now

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I am glad to hear that you are feeling better, Poppy, grrrr how frustrating an experience it must have been!

 

How comforting it must be to know, that he is very far away and therefore not able to be in your presence.

 

I remember 1 year ago, when EXMM just broke up with me, I used to see him EVERYWHERE - I felt absolutely mad.

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I know this exact feeling. Some time ago, xMM actually did show up in a parking lot, waiting for me to come to my car. I thought my heart would pound out of my chest and my stomach would fall out. There have been other near misses and we live in quite a large area.

 

Maybe this was a good nudge to get you to prepare yourself in case you ever did see him...to have your reaction planned, so you don’t say or do anything you end up regretting.

 

I wish I had done that myself, because I was so not prepared when he showed up that day.

 

Isn’t it weird how our body’s react? What in the world has happened to us??

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  • 4 weeks later...
inappfriendly

Late to this thread but this still happens to me...5 years later...more often than I would like to admit. It’s like my brain (heart?!) searches for xMM. That sounds pretty obnoxious and ridiculous but it is the only way I can describe it. It is obviously not my preference because, like you, my physiological reaction is just as uncomfortable as my cheesy description of the phenomenon! Considering becoming a shut-in to avoid such non-encounters in the future. ;)

Edited by inappfriendly
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It is comforting to hear that somebody else experiences this.

 

I look at crowds of people and see his head, his tshirt, his body. It causes me a sharp pain each time I see a hint of him. I am complete NC but the memories of him are burnt indelibly into my brain.

 

I wish it weren't so but hoping it will go away eventually.

 

Poppy.

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well poppy, since i see mine** almost everyday, i hear ya. i shake. now days when i'm alone with him before everyone arrives, i wear headphones, take off my glasses(blind as a bat without them) and as much as i can, ignore him. which is not possible since our work stations face each other. he treats me like **** and any mistake i make on work that goes to him, he announces, in a loud voice full of contempt. which i don't understand since it's been over for years???

 

 

 

all i can add is a line from a very old book..."nothing is worse than to pass your dead lover in the street and know he's still breathing."

 

 

**no, neither one of us is married or were married during the affair.

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  • 2 weeks later...

omg, he got fired!!

 

not sure how i feel. as an employee, i'm going to miss how good he was at his job. as an ex lover....

 

five years we were lovers, five years ago. ten years.

 

ten years and it's o.v.e.r.

 

 

amen, the end.

 

p.s. i have been driving myself crazy trying to think of what to say in a text that i'm going to send him..

 

 

wtf?? he's treated me like crap since i called it off. and i mean, crap, in front of everyone and i'm trying to think of a way to start talking to him again???

 

after five years??s

 

thanks for listening poppy. i know you understand.

 

e.n.

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