ls7878 Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 He is my co-worker in different department. Because of work, sometimes I need to have lots of communication with him...since this summer, he began to flirt with me...at the beginning, I did not really pay attention..since we always have contact because of work, I began to feel i like him...but I always just talked about work and then left...but we began to look at each other into each other's eyes for really long time. He began to wait for me to be off from work with him and I refused him few times....and I do not know because I refused to go out with him or he feel jealousy to see I work with another man closely...he got mad few times with me right now....last time he just told me he had enough for the year and do not show up in the work...if I email him, he will reply me. Then we began to be ok again...this time after I refuse him and he saw I talked with that guy again (but it is only about work, nothing else), he just does not come for almost a week...I emailed him but he reply after two days...I ask him how is him he does not reply and showed up two days after...but not willing to talk to me...when I came to see him, he left already....I thought I will not see him before Christmas, but he showed up yesterday... Since last time he got angry with me, I began to see him flirt with another young girl in my office...yesterday he also make her pay attention to him... I think he might just want to have sex with girls...but I just cannot do it before I am sure it is not a game...before i am sure this guy is really worth for me to do it...also my boss wants to make me as one of his lady to have sex regularly with him...I refused... he has a girl already...my boss give him lots of pressure as well...my boss feel I refused him because of this guy...so he look up problem with him and tell him he can work from home if he'd like to...my boss is the top boss for both mine and his department. Anyway, I know the people in my workplace are sick...but I want to say...for many years, the first time I want to keep a guy in my life...he is so special for me... when I saw he flirt with other girl, I feel he want just have sex with a girl...but the other side I also feel, without sex, how we could continue our relationship. ..we cannot really talk much because of my boss and if I also do not go out with him...what is this....but I also afraid I will experience lots of pain if he is a wrong person....he might mess up with other women too...I do not really know what kind of guy he is....yesterday I met him in the hallway(I think he made it happen, he want me see him), we said hi...but no more words, I did not ask him how is he... I want to go out with him in my heart thousand times....but I did not go to see him..we are half day yesterday...and he did not come to see me too...I guess part of reason is because my boss is here...or he just want me leave him alone and he can continue with his other young girl....I do not know . I guess chasing her will be lots of easier than me... I also feel it is hard to continue... but I keep thinking about him...afraid I will lose him even I know there is no future for us....I have a beautiful family...he has wife without child... But for years, since I become a mom, I just do not have feeling for man any more...he is the one like waking me up...for many years, the first time I want to keep him, stay here i am just afraid of losing him...even I know he probably with mess up with the other girl as well and I get hurt..or even worse that my husband found out and I destroyed my family on my own.... But in my heart there is still a place to wish I could keep him for myself.... Please help me. Save me...give me some advice...I am sitting here with my child but keep thinking about him...worry about if I will lose him when I see him in Jan.... Link to post Share on other sites
Steve51 Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 File for a separate/divorce and then you are free to do as you wish. Cheating will only make things worse and maybe violent. 50% of marriage end in divorce so you are not unique. Best advice is to divorce and start a new life with someone you love. Most of our friends are on their second marriages and so happy now. Don't worry about staying married for the kid. Your child will learn about love and marriage from observing the parents and if there is no love between you, it will psychologically affect her. Half the kids today are from divorced parents so it is not long a stigma or different. Best thing you can do is find another man and give your child a view of marriage that is positive and not negative. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Vivir Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Hello Is7878 The greater half of your post is about a male colleague you're interested in who showed interest in you, but is now showing interest in someone else at work. In your very last paragraph you mentioned that the male colleague is a married man. A higher-level boss, who is currently involved with yet another subordinate has also propositioned you and seems to be blocking him. You are swimming in shark infested waters at work. Work is not an ideal place to get involved romantically. My advice to you is not to engage anymore than you have already, and dial back the swooning you have been doing with your male colleague immediately - dial it back to zero. Because you are also married with at least one child. Even if you divorced, as Steve51 has advised, I would still advise you not to engage with these seemingly predatory men on your job. Do NOT engage. Read the threads here at LoveShack for testimonies of people who became involved with coworkers - especially married ones. You seem to have an amazing understanding of your position in this grand scheme of things, and are correct in questioning behaviors and examining motives... USE THAT. Use that information and trust yourself. You haven't made any active moves yet. DON'T! If you continue down this path, it is NOT likely to end well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
grass-hopper Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 Figure out what’s going on with you. Seek counseling. Don’t go down this road. Whatever little life he has sparked in you is nothing compared to pitfalls you will experience in a affair with a MM and even then, a MM who seems to be a serial cheater. It will tear your life apart Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 But for years, since I become a mom, I just do not have feeling for man any more...he is the one like waking me up...for many years, the first time I want to keep him, stay here i am just afraid of losing him...even I know he probably with mess up with the other girl as well and I get hurt..or even worse that my husband found out and I destroyed my family on my own.... But in my heart there is still a place to wish I could keep him for myself.... Please help me. Save me...give me some advice...I am sitting here with my child but keep thinking about him...worry about if I will lose him when I see him in Jan.... How many years are we talking about? Are your kids 5 or 25? If you are a new mom, it's pretty normal to feel somewhat unsexual and there is nothing like some hot guy flirting with you at work, probably a player, to make you feel tingly and sexy again. This is honestly, pretty normal. It is not this guy who is special, it could be any guy showing your attention. Bringing you back to life, so to speak. Why not use this awakening of yourself to figure out what is going on with yourself, your husband and your life? Turn it into something positive? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
grass-hopper Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 there is nothing like some hot guy flirting with you at work, probably a player, to make you feel tingly and sexy again. This is honestly, pretty normal. It is not this guy who is special, it could be any guy showing your attention. Bringing you back to life, so to speak. Why not use this awakening of yourself to figure out what is going on with yourself, your husband and your life? Turn it into something positive? This is so true. Take this advice. Know that this is the likely scenario. Understand that it’s not the guy. It’s taken me 6 months to truly understand that it’s not the guy. It’s the young player that showered me with attention and I ate it up. But I now know it’s not an affair or attention that I need. It was a path to self realization. I took the wrong road so not only do I have to figure out what is wrong with me but i also carry the guilt of the affair and I am still addicted. You seem to understand that it’s not the right decision otherwise you wouldn’t be here. Take the advice. Don’t do it. I didn’t take the advice and I am in a bad place. Other posters told me it’s 1000% harder. It truly is. Link to post Share on other sites
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