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Falling in love with a MM - backing off


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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  • 2 Post By CautiouslyOptimistic
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Old 17th December 2017, 3:43 PM   #1
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Falling in love with a MM - backing off

Hello,

Iím in need of some advice there:

Iíve been dating a MM for the past two months now. We met at my work, heís coming there 2 to 3 times a week. Note that he does not live in the same country as I do.

Heís been married for 10+ years to a girl that lives with their two children in another country. I think he gets to see them 3 times a year.

Weíve known each other for a less than a year now and been ę*dating*Ľ for the last two months.
At the beginning, he did all the chasing and I was not looking for anything serious. Weíve had three dates before having sex.

Fast forward to this week. He purposefully came on Friday to be able to spend the whole week-end in my country. We had a nice week-end, though we did not made a lot of things.
We never mentioned his wife or the life he has back in his country. But on Sunday, the subject arouse and we had to have the talk. He said he felt hurt and lost, did not know what to do or say, only that he likes me very much and feels very good with me.

He left on Monday and havenít been in touch all day. The same night I contacted him and we talked about this again, saying it was too soon for him to make a decision (though I did not asked him to).I explained that, given his situation, I was also dating other manÖ

Heís been very much distant all week long. We talked on Friday night and Strangely, this is a problem for him and thatís the reason heís been kinda distant. He told me that he got an off vibe from me, that he cannot trust me, I do not open to him, and that he canít think about any future with me knowing that I also date other guys. Those things are bothering him very much.

To me, this is all a lot of BS and Iím suspecting him to see another girl or to not have enough courage to end things with me.

Iíve been hurting because I was growing fond of him but now, I do not know what to think. Although I know he is married and Iím not looking to settle down with him, I started to like him and miss him very much

Weíve been texting on and off this week, but Iím planning on going NC.

What do you think I should do?

Any inputs are more than welcomed

Thanks in advance
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Old 17th December 2017, 4:05 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aspirex View Post
He told me that he got an off vibe from me, that he cannot trust me, I do not open to him, and that he canít think about any future with me knowing that I also date other guys. Those things are bothering him very much.
Oh boo-hoo for him. Poor baby! Let me get this straight....he, a cheater, is expecting his mistress to be faithful when he can't even manage that himself? This isn't just cake eating, it's gorging on the entire bakery.

Go no contact. You can do it and find someone who is not married.
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Old 17th December 2017, 4:35 PM   #3
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Firstly, you are not dating this man. He is using you for sex while away from home. USING.

I'm sure men don't come much more self entitled than this one. Is he asking you to give up dating other people so you can be his property? Please do not fall for that one.

If you think you are fond of him now, wait and see how you feel in 6 months. You will be emotionally bonded to him and hurting like hell when he is back home with his wife and family.

By they way, he does have a wife and family. Does this not bother you in any way?

You sound very young. There are millions of single men in the world. Dump this piece of **** and find your own single man.

Also keep reading here and you will discover how an affair ends and the pain it causes the single other woman.

Good luck
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Old 17th December 2017, 5:04 PM   #4
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Thank you both for your replies.

It does bother me a bit, I actually resisted first but then of course he was treating me like a princess and talked to one of our mutual friend to tell her how much He liked me. So I ended up giving up and falling for him.

For me it was a simple one night stand but we kept contacting each other, calling me two times a day, bringing me gifts, etc.

I know you too are probably right but I'm feeling very confused right now...
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Old 17th December 2017, 5:18 PM   #5
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Please google LOVE BOMBING. That is what he is doing to you.

He wants to secure a supply in your country for when he visits and bleieve me he will go to extraordinary lengths to do so.

Poppy.
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Old 17th December 2017, 5:29 PM   #6
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He is sourcing "extra" so he needs a woman who is NOT seeing other guys, someone he can trust to be true to him and only him so he is not worried about passing on some STI to his wife or any other woman he may also be seeing. He does not want to deal with or compete with any other stray males sniffing around.
He needs an OW who accepts his situation, the last thing he needs is for her to want "more" or to rock the boat or to spill the beans to his wife.
He needs a nice trustworthy compliant woman who is always happy waiting for him to "visit" when he can fit her in.
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Old 17th December 2017, 5:34 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
He is sourcing "extra" so he needs a woman who is NOT seeing other guys, someone he can trust to be true to him and only him so he is not worried about passing on some STI to his wife or any other woman he may also be seeing. He does not want to deal with or compete with any other stray males sniffing around.
He needs an OW who accepts his situation, the last thing he needs is for her to want "more" or to rock the boat or to spill the beans to his wife.
He needs a nice trustworthy compliant woman who is always happy waiting for him to "visit" when he can fit her in.
You are on a roll today with your perfectly succinct posts .
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Old 19th December 2017, 12:45 PM   #8
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Aspirex,

You have received sage advice. USING is the optimal word. He has everything + you (1.5 or even 2). If he is successful in getting you to be faithful to him, you have (0.5 or 0.25).

Where he is engorged, you will be depleted.

So...

This is my plea for you:

Do not "back away".

Slam the door and make sure it is tightly fastened.

Dead bolt it with a triple lock.

Use bricks and cement to wall the door in.

Place furniture in front of it.

Do not even enter the room where the door is for at least six months.

...Maybe move to another location...
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Old 19th December 2017, 3:40 PM   #9
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I see.
He is married, has a family and feels it's too soon to make any decisions that would involve commitment on his part.
At the very same time, he expects you to stop dating, commit to him and accept being his side chick.
You sound very young and seem to be maybe a little flattered by this "jealousy"?
It has nothing to do with you. He's not asking you to stop dating others because he cares about you. He wants you to be available when it suits him.
I will bet the farm you are not his only girlfriend. Plus, he will never, ever leave his wife.
What he will do is ruin your life and string you along for years-but only if you let him.
Walk away and don't look back, he is a ticking bomb waiting to explode on your life.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 8:15 PM   #10
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run as fast as u can. dont end up like alot of us in the group
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Old 23rd December 2017, 9:36 PM   #11
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how's this for an "off vibe"

Quote:
Originally Posted by misspalmy View Post
run as fast as u can. dont end up like alot of us in the group
Agreed. Run! Run for your life!! (literally)

Drop him like a hot potato.
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"I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue." -Albert Einstein
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Old 26th December 2017, 8:06 PM   #12
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You poor thing. Break it off. He won't leave and you will end up hurt, feeling used and maybe even worse.

Married men who cheat are dogs. They never stop. And if he cheats with her he will with you.

I am not advocating infidelity. But married men who cheat are good for one thing only, sex. And that is exactly how they view you. And me. And every other other woman.
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Old 26th December 2017, 8:15 PM   #13
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Oh the STI. I slept with my husband who I am divorcing. Now, I was not speaking at the time to my "thing" and I had had a pap and specifically asked for std tests. So...I was clean.

But when my "thing" that is what I am calling the man who I regret more than anything, found out - I told him I slept with my very soon to be ex, he exploded.

I was a whore. I was only good for sex. No man will love me. And....I probably gave him an std.

Lol...a married man sleeping with me expecting me to be "faithful" and....thinking I got an std from a man I am married to and has not cheated on me.

I laughed. Literally. But yes...he is doing someone. Maybe the wife. Maybe another other woman. Him explaining an std would be hard and ruin their game.

Which, if I were so inclined I could wait a few weeks and ghost text my thing and say I have chlamydia so he has to take a day off to get his mini thing jabbed. And laugh at him being scared to death. But...no contact. No contact.
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Old 27th December 2017, 3:19 PM   #14
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Hi,

I know lots of guys like the man in your OP. For some reason there is something romantic for a lot of women about the "Grand Gesture" guy who is out of town a lot (very important business!) and when he does show up, he has rom-com gifts and sweet words.

The most you can hope for with a married man is a sobering learning experience in the end. I am speaking from experience, having pursued and dated a married woman when I was working abroad. At the time I felt excited and she convinced me (not that it was difficult to do!) that she was in a bad marriage with a man who didn't give her affection. Years later, after we'd long gone our separate ways, I felt icky and like i had wasted precious time doing something low and vulgar.

You don't try to create healthy boundaries in an unhealthy relationship. You knew he was married, he never lied about it did he? Now he wants you to be loyal to him while he does goodness knows what when he is out of your sight? Run, don't walk, away.
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