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Frustrated still at 'break up' with MM


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 8th August 2017, 4:01 AM   #16
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under the geneva convention of marriage, he's free to bang another woman, since he's "separated" from his wife.

he'd like to bang you.

however....

you know the rest. dont' you?

you're a smart girl,
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Old 8th August 2017, 7:50 AM   #17
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I feel so hurt right now though, nevertheless. I messaged E last night to say no doubt it'll end when his GF will want her freedom and who can blame her at 21? I was surprised to get his friend request 6 months later, which gave me a glimmer of hope, but if they're still living together? No! How painful is that? Also they're smug smiley photo in fancy dress I still showing in my messenger column!! Recently I had asked him to a concert in Oct (before I knew his situation), when re replied with Possibly - depending on his shifts. Obviously, I'm now not interested being his back up plan (or friend at best). You can't be friends with someone who hurt you, can you?!

He's just said that he won't propose 'til she at least experiences a full time job and puts up with him for a bit longer! She's very mature for her age he says. Note this is the girl who declared on FB she was in a relationship with him just 6 weeks after leaving his then wife!

Sorry, I am getting my act together. Thanks all!

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Old 8th August 2017, 11:19 AM   #18
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I feel so hurt right now though, nevertheless. I messaged E last night to say no doubt it'll end when his GF will want her freedom and who can blame her at 21? I was surprised to get his friend request 6 months later, which gave me a glimmer of hope, but if they're still living together? No! How painful is that? Also they're smug smiley photo in fancy dress I still showing in my messenger column!! Recently I had asked him to a concert in Oct (before I knew his situation), when re replied with Possibly - depending on his shifts. Obviously, I'm now not interested being his back up plan (or friend at best). You can't be friends with someone who hurt you, can you?!

He's just said that he won't propose 'til she at least experiences a full time job and puts up with him for a bit longer! She's very mature for her age he says. Note this is the girl who declared on FB she was in a relationship with him just 6 weeks after leaving his then wife!

Sorry, I am getting my act together. Thanks all!
This is good GG - let it all out. That's what LS is here for.

I think you dodged a bullet here. He had a wife, an OW (you), and then suddenly moves on to another GF, who is only 21...and he's already talking about proposing!!! Jeez, what's the rush?....and he's flaunting the new GF on FaceBook? (rolls eyes!) !

She is just 21. How old is he? Possibly a large age gap, which could be a factor in the future. Probably seems great right now, but when reality kicks in, if he's over 15 years older than her, this could show itself later on down the road.

I personally think you are better off without either of these MM, GG. You seem lovely and you can do so much better, and I know you will one day.

I wish you nothing but the best and please keep posting! x

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Old 8th August 2017, 11:29 AM   #19
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This is good GG - let it all out. That's what LS is here for.

I think you dodged a bullet here. He had a wife, an OW (you), and then suddenly moves on to another GF, who is only 21...and he's already talking about proposing!!! Jeez, what's the rush?....and he's flaunting the new GF on FaceBook? (rolls eyes!) !

She is just 21. How old is he? Possibly a large age gap, which could be a factor in the future. Probably seems great right now, but when reality kicks in, if he's over 15 years older than her, this could show itself later on down the road.

I personally think you are better off without either of these MM GG. You seem lovely and you can do so much better, and I know you will one day.

I wish you nothing but the best and please keep posting! x
Thanks so much for your kind words of encouragement. He's 40 and admit I'm old enough to know better (30's, but not great experience).

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Old 8th August 2017, 12:11 PM   #20
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Thanks so much for your kind words of encouragement. He's 40 and admit I'm old enough to know better (30's, but not great experience).
Thanks for the reply GG!

So he's almost double her age. Unless she's very mature (let's be honest, HE's not that mature!), it's difficult to see this lasting very long. I mean, she will have changed a lot in the next 5-10 years. When the novelty had worn off, will she really do want to be with a man of nearly 50 when she's still in her 20s? Possible, but doubtful.

Anyway, not your problem anymore. Once you're over all this, the world is your oyster. Let him sort his own mess out. Presumably he still has all the fall out from the divorce to deal with on top of everything?

Good luck GG x
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Old 8th August 2017, 12:22 PM   #21
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Thanks for the reply GG!

So he's almost double her age. Unless she's very mature (let's be honest, HE's not that mature!), it's difficult to see this lasting very long. I mean, she will have changed a lot in the next 5-10 years. When the novelty had worn off, will she really do want to be with a man of nearly 50 when she's still in her 20s? Possible, but doubtful.

Anyway, not your problem anymore. Once you're over all this, the world is your oyster. Let him sort his own mess out. Presumably he still has all the fall out from the divorce to deal with on top of everything?

Good luck GG x
Yes, he told me that his ex wife can't give him a sensible address for him to send the divorce papers too!!

Thanks again :-)
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Old 8th August 2017, 12:39 PM   #22
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I think you dodged a bullet here. He had a wife, an OW (you), and then suddenly moves on to another GF, who is only 21...and he's already talking about proposing!!! Jeez, what's the rush?....and he's flaunting the new GF on FaceBook? (rolls eyes!) !
This is so pathetic that's almost unbelievable. It's hard to believe that a man could make such poor decisions.

You should be glad OP, you definitely dodged a big bullet here!
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Old 8th August 2017, 6:52 PM   #23
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At the height of emotions, I just sent him a string of messages via FB... Since he replied earlier agreeing that she could probably do no wrong in his eyes. I then blocked him a bit earlier, as feared the response. I'm not the type to do that though, ever and admittedly at the back of my mind I wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. Ridiculous probably.
He apologised for blocking me 6 months ago (after I asked him not to block me again), but he said he didn't want to jeopardise his new relationship (he was initiating contact). He thought I would've calmed down by now! Actually I had and was moving on, but his contact made it raw again. Especially when he said he'd been living with her for a while. One of the things I said earlier is that she got involved with a married man - so she can't be that lovely either! Also that she is probably no better, but on the spot (as in convenience).
I guess if he really wanted to contact me again (which I doubt) he could text/call me, but highly unlikely unless he gets dumped If guess.

Last edited by goldengirl11; 8th August 2017 at 7:05 PM..
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Old 8th August 2017, 9:58 PM   #24
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I've now deactivated myself from FB/Messenger, as was frightened that couldn't block him again within 48 hours. He's destroyed me tonight. How dare someone have this power over me? What got me is that he didn't want to jeopardise his new relationship before, when he obviously didn't give a damn about jeopardising our chances of one did he?! I do not need someone like that as a friend, let alone anything more. Yet, I am still in pain. Not sleeping tonight, obviously.

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Old 9th August 2017, 3:04 AM   #25
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I've now deactivated myself from FB/Messenger, as was frightened that couldn't block him again within 48 hours. He's destroyed me tonight. How dare someone have this power over me? What got me is that he didn't want to jeopardise his new relationship before, when he obviously didn't give a damn about jeopardising our chances of one did he?! I do not need someone like that as a friend, let alone anything more. Yet, I am still in pain. Not sleeping tonight, obviously.
GG.... Come here (((hugs))).

You're not alone on LS in having sleepless nights. We're here for you. You WILL be okay. Promise.

He has proved himself to be an immature, selfish, thoughtless prat and has shown you no respect of consideration in playing with your emotions like this You may not see it yet, but you are so far better off without him. He could be in for trouble in the future in what is a very questionable relationship, but by then you won't care.

Look after yourself and don't give him the time of day again. He doesn't deserve you as a friend.

You'll be ok GG. Just take time to prices and recover. Lovely things lie ahead. x

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Old 9th August 2017, 6:25 AM   #26
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Thanks for your reply, Jenkins95. See my reply to sandylee just now! I will never get involved with anyone unavailable again and just sick of being treated so badly. I'm still on anti-depressants and overweight, which isn't helping my confidence (especially the latter), but trying to change that.
The separated friend who had found a new young GF in his band last summer, told me yesterday that he'll soon be moving into his new house with her (am guessing she'll be living rent free after recently leaving uni), after only recently sending me a friend request. He very rudely blocked and unfriended me at Xmas, after he crashed his car and thought it was karma, as we were due to meet that day for a chat. No apology about it, but heard from him 6 months later out of the blue! Just testing the waters I guess.
I would advice you stop ..stop with old still unavailable guy ...stop with the 2nd moved out but not divorced still unavailable guy .

Both these men know you will jump so they are baiting do you mean so little to your self .just stop all together for some time and learn to live with yourself alone first learn to love and value yourself first ....breathe and enjoy life without having these unavailable men making you feel worthless .

Block them for all areas of your life social media /online /phone etc..etc.. disconnect from them and take care of you get counselling/ get moving workout take care of you emotionally /physically

A day will come when you will value your self more and want more and not settle for anything less .you have this one life don't waste it away on unavailable men who treat you with no respect and no value
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Old 10th August 2017, 7:34 AM   #27
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Thanks both of you. It helps to read back your replies of support.

I don't quite believe this 21 year old is as "very mature," as she is. I mean, we aren't *that* much maturer than our age, are we? Also, he agreed when I suggested that she could probably do no wrong in his eyes! How thoughtless was that?

I hope she decides she wants kids one day, as he had a vasectomy with his ex (second) wife, so then she'll hopefully dump him and then just might regret dumping me!

I also sometimes feel and hear (and this is will probably sound weird) them making love, or him being intimate with me. Especially if there is romantic/classical music on, or in a noisy environment.

After deactivating my FB/Messenger account a couple of days ago (soon after messaging him as I'd explained before), I activated it again today as missed contact with my other friends. I may deactivate it again though, as spend too much time on there!

Thanks again

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Old 11th August 2017, 6:36 AM   #28
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Need to chat again I'm afraid. Not having a very good day today and am off work too. It sounds sad, but it's hard going through these 2 important rejections at the same time, when I have been made to feel by these men that it's me overreacting! Also meant to be focussing on a job application right now! I just hate them.
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Old 11th August 2017, 6:49 AM   #29
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Need to chat again I'm afraid. Not having a very good day today and am off work too. It sounds sad, but it's hard going through these 2 important rejections at the same time, when I have been made to feel by these men that it's me overreacting! Also meant to be focussing on a job application right now! I just hate them.
Come here again (((goldengirl11))) x

I've been thinking of you. It's great that you are posting. We're here for you and this will fast-track your recovery.

I didn't think this story could shock me much more, but now it turns out he has had a vasectomy!!! OMG!

I think it's downright irresponsible to get involved with a 21 year old, who may not yet completely know whether she wants to eventually have children or not, when you have had "the snip". I truly hope he's discussed all this with her as it would be extremely cruel if he didn't mention this ON DAY 1.

He's nearly double her age, has two failed marriages behind him, was very cruel to his OW (you) and has had the snip. And she is little more than a child. Five years from now, she will likely be a completely different person. You would get very long odds on this lasting more than a couple of years - but try not to make it your problem GG. This is their mess, you need to look after YOU.

I do know what you mean about music being a trigger for unwelcome mind movies. It's not uncommon GG. Ride it out. Things get better.

You've been badly hurt by two MM. It's a sh*t sandwich for now, but you'll move past it. Look after yorself. You're clearly a lovely, intelligent woman, you can do so much better than someone who is committed to someone else...and I know you will.

We're here.

Last edited by jenkins95; 11th August 2017 at 6:52 AM..
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Old 11th August 2017, 12:12 PM   #30
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Sorry for my outburst earlier - I don't know what came over me! Still, at least it wasn't to them I suppose!! Managed to finally send my job application too (not that you needed to know that! ). Btw, I was off this week on annual leave, it wasn't that I rang in sick. Has it flown by or what?!

Last edited by goldengirl11; 11th August 2017 at 12:17 PM..
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