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Frustrated still at 'break up' with MM


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Old 6th August 2017, 3:58 AM   #1
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My MM just moved out suddenly

Hi,
I'd be grateful for some quick advice please.
Basically, my MM & wife had another bust up recently. Particularly after she questioned by him about me (she doesn't know who exactly I am), he admitted we'd slept together during their 6 month 'separation.'
To be honest, I thought that she probably had told him to move out in the heat of the moment, but at approx 5pm yesterday he rang me out of the blue to say he was living in a flat now and asked to meet up, maybe next week or today.
I replied via text asking how he was etc, also that was with family yesterday and that probably a day next week would be best to meet. Also, I had wondered how he was in the week, but thought I would keep him a bit of space (he asked for it a few weeks back, after I got very emotional after we met). He simply replied with "I think that's what you said last time" i.e when he moved out before 2 years ago. I was quite hurt by that, but it's all about him isn't it?
He NEVER put me first over his family's plans, etc. I said I would ring him back today daytime, as couldn't last night as was with family. Should I jump and see him today, or meet up in a day or two which would suit me better? I'm starting to feel selfish now, but if he's in a crisis...
Thanks

Last edited by goldengirl11; 6th August 2017 at 4:07 AM..
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Old 6th August 2017, 6:28 AM   #2
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Are you looking to get back in a relationship with him?

If not, then I see no point in meeting up.
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Old 6th August 2017, 8:29 AM   #3
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Yes, I was hoping to. Although have just had a chat with him on phone - turns out he's been there a week and will be working from home in the day at the family home for a couple of weeks (no Wi-Fi 'til Friday). Also he still wants to keep communication open with his wife and family. We' re now meeting this evening for a meal, but I know this is likely headed nowhere.

Last edited by goldengirl11; 6th August 2017 at 8:31 AM..
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Old 6th August 2017, 8:58 AM   #4
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It likely heading nowhere... It would seem based on the little you have shared that he has a pattern of leaving his wife, and going home again. He's already told you he plans to keep contact. It seems pretty clear what will happen...

I just glanced at a previous post. Five years you have been waiting for him. How much longer are you going to wait?

Is dinner going to turn into sex and then more pain for you?

I'm sorry, you are sad. But really, why would you wait for a man who has never made you a priority? And, why would you jump when suddenly, he is "in crisis?" Does he really deserve your love and attention?
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Old 6th August 2017, 9:52 AM   #5
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Yes, I was hoping to. Although have just had a chat with him on phone - turns out he's been there a week and will be working from home in the day at the family home for a couple of weeks (no Wi-Fi 'til Friday). Also he still wants to keep communication open with his wife and family. We' re now meeting this evening for a meal, but I know this is likely headed nowhere.
Why bother? They had a fight, he left (I doubt him moving out will last long, he's probably couch surfing at a friends house and doesn't have his own place) and soon he'll go back home. He isn't divorcing his wife, things are rocky and he's reached out to you for comfort and an ego feed NOT because he loves and misses you. I hope you see this? But he calls and you go running with lots of hope again. Sad to say but you're gonna get your heart broken again when he walks away and goes back home. He's far from done with his wife and marriage.

When you get hurt again don't blame him. This now is all on you.

I hope you gain the strength to change your mind and tell him NO dinner and don't go see him at all. You're right, this is heading nowhere except pain city for you. Is he worth it?
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Old 6th August 2017, 11:18 AM   #6
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This man treats all women like crap. When he left his wife last year he didn't even choose you, instead he went out and got himself an entirely new young gf. OP this isn't even about him anymore. You are choosing to hang onto this dyfunctional drama. This drama is and angst is something you crave, doesn't matter who the man is. Time for some personal counselling.
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Old 6th August 2017, 12:39 PM   #7
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This man treats all women like crap. When he left his wife last year he didn't even choose you, instead he went out and got himself an entirely new young gf. OP this isn't even about him anymore. You are choosing to hang onto this dyfunctional drama. This drama is and angst is something you crave, doesn't matter who the man is. Time for some personal counselling.
And, based on your previous post you have said that he suffers from ED. Why are you spending so much time waiting for a man who treats women so badly when I'm assuming, the sex isn't even that great?

Definitely time for some counselling. This isn't about him, it is most definitely about you. Stop wasting your life on this man...
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Old 6th August 2017, 6:11 PM   #8
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This man treats all women like crap. When he left his wife last year he didn't even choose you, instead he went out and got himself an entirely new young gf. OP this isn't even about him anymore. You are choosing to hang onto this dyfunctional drama. This drama is and angst is something you crave, doesn't matter who the man is. Time for some personal counselling.
Hi Anika,
Thanks for your reply and although I agree with you that I need to put myself first now, the guy who went off with a younger GF was another guy!! So there has been two guys who separated and let me down!
Thanks again.
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Old 6th August 2017, 6:13 PM   #9
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And, based on your previous post you have said that he suffers from ED. Why are you spending so much time waiting for a man who treats women so badly when I'm assuming, the sex isn't even that great?

Definitely time for some counselling. This isn't about him, it is most definitely about you. Stop wasting your life on this man...
Thanks for your reply, but can you explain what you meant by ED? Sorry!
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Old 6th August 2017, 6:15 PM   #10
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Hi Anika,
Thanks for your reply and although I agree with you that I need to put myself first now, the guy who went off with a younger GF was another guy!! So there has been two guys who separated and let me down!
Thanks again.
Yes, I will be looking into counselling again now.
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Old 6th August 2017, 9:38 PM   #11
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Thanks for your reply, but can you explain what you meant by ED? Sorry!
Didn't you write in a previous post that he had erectile dysfunction? If I'm wrong, my apologies.

I'm sorry that you have had two failed relationships that have left you feeling lost. Counselling is very good idea, and I certainly wish you the best.
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Old 7th August 2017, 2:57 AM   #12
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Hi Anika,
Thanks for your reply and although I agree with you that I need to put myself first now, the guy who went off with a younger GF was another guy!! So there has been two guys who separated and let me down!
Thanks again.
Hi (((goldengir)))

Perhaps I've misunderstood, but does this mean that, having had your heart broken by one MM who wouldn't leave his wife, you've now got mixed up with another one?

I hope I'm wrong here but if so, it makes me wonder if you are naturally drawn to unavailable men? Most xOW would run a mile having been burnt once.

Wishing you all the best anyway.

Keep posting x
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Old 7th August 2017, 2:13 PM   #13
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Why do you keep getting involved with unavailable men? Are you scared of commitment or something?

I'm not sure how of your age, but surely a single man without baggage would be better.

Last edited by sandylee1; 7th August 2017 at 4:35 PM.. Reason: Typo
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Old 7th August 2017, 10:25 PM   #14
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Why do you keep getting involved with unavailable men? Are you scared of commitment or something?

I'm not sure how of your age, but surely a single man without baggage would be better.
Hi,
I certainly won't be now! I don't think it had been on purpose, just that the men I had usually met had been complicated!
One of these two men I had talked about (the one who left his wife and found himself a young GF in his band) I had decided to unfriend yesterday, after he recently friended me again and discovering that he's been living with this girl since January! I just didn't think he deserved to know what was going on in my world, after he treated me so poorly - and is still unavailable! I'm guessing that he was lining me up as a back up, incase his current relationship ended at some point.
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Old 7th August 2017, 10:40 PM   #15
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Hi (((goldengir)))

Perhaps I've misunderstood, but does this mean that, having had your heart broken by one MM who wouldn't leave his wife, you've now got mixed up with another one?

I hope I'm wrong here but if so, it makes me wonder if you are naturally drawn to unavailable men? Most xOW would run a mile having been burnt once.

Wishing you all the best anyway.

Keep posting x
Thanks for your reply, Jenkins95. See my reply to sandylee just now! I will never get involved with anyone unavailable again and just sick of being treated so badly. I'm still on anti-depressants and overweight, which isn't helping my confidence (especially the latter), but trying to change that.
The separated friend who had found a new young GF in his band last summer, told me yesterday that he'll soon be moving into his new house with her (am guessing she'll be living rent free after recently leaving uni), after only recently sending me a friend request. He very rudely blocked and unfriended me at Xmas, after he crashed his car and thought it was karma, as we were due to meet that day for a chat. No apology about it, but heard from him 6 months later out of the blue! Just testing the waters I guess.
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