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I'm having an EA with a MM (I'm married too) how to know he's not lying?


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 7th November 2017, 9:30 AM   #16
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It's not "wrong" (except morally because he's married). You want love & acceptance that doesn't exist in your marriage. Wanting that is normal & human

However, you probably won't find what you seek with this MM.

Loving the same music is not the same as him being willing to leave his wife for you. Remember you are leaving your husband is because your husband is a bad guy, you aren't leaving him for the MM. Therefore you can't assume your MM will leave his wife for you, no matter what sweet words he says now while he's trying to get in your pants.
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Old 7th November 2017, 9:38 AM   #17
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Sugar...

You asked a question, And it has been answered.

Now, if your marriage is dead, file for divorce, unless he pays all of the bills and you don't work to provide for yourself.

Which makes cheating even worse if it could be.

Listen, going where you are going with this married man is not where you want to be. I am sure that he is handsome and sexy and he is filling up your ego basket will all of the ILY's and "you are so beautiful" and "you are so sexy", yada, yada, yada. And you may in fact be all of those things. But...

It is all complete BS. He wants to get laid. If you want to know if he is serious and wants to be with you, tell him to file for divorce and bring you an official copy of the divorce petition.

If you want to get divorced, then do it, and keep to the high ground and then you can find a single guy that will be yours...
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Old 7th November 2017, 9:47 AM   #18
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"Is it so wrong thatI want it to believe the connection is true? "

I guess I don't know what you mean by that really. You fancy each other and you have some things in common. That isn't unusual TBH. The rest of it might just be good sales technique on his part. Who knows?

But your job now is to take care of your marriage for better or worse.
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Old 7th November 2017, 9:51 AM   #19
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By the way running clubs seem to be good places to get an extramarital ...ahem... 'connection'. I think it's to do with the exhilaration of a run, the runners high, the sharing of the nervousness/excitement preparing for a race, the fact that if spouses don't run they can never really 'get it' or join you in your hobby.
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Old 7th November 2017, 10:05 AM   #20
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It is all complete BS. He wants to get laid.
But I made it clear at the start that I was up for it, so NO real need for the sweet talking.

and yes, "running club affairs" seem to be somewhat common. It is not the first time I hear about them. and yes, we're an odd lot we seem to think that only other runners "get us".
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Old 7th November 2017, 10:07 AM   #21
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He lies to you every time he talks to you.

Separate the two issues. He will not leave his family for you. You are a side piece. If he gets a D, he will be poor with child support and alimony.

having an exit affair is the worst way to end your marriage.
You murder the marriage and there is destruction everywhere.

even for the innocent kids. So stop being his free sex on the side.

and if your marriage is bad, file for D, but do not add the horror of an A to the end of your marriage.

Just divorce. and stop being his free side peace. You are not his only free side peace. He has several and get tested for stds.

wonderful way to file for D is to give your H an std. okay, he always uses a condom and you are not pregnant from the OM.

He will fun fast from you if you get pregnant. He lies to you to get sex. You are only there for his sexual needs along with his wife and his other friends.

Good luck to your kids.
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Old 7th November 2017, 10:12 AM   #22
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It's not wrong to want the connection to be real, but what you have to realize is that because your marriage is broken you were vulnerable for any kind of attention. This man isn't special, could have been anyone. It's not him you want, it's the escape, mixed with the hope of a better relationship and love.

Trust me, you aren't finding it with him. I wasn't in a four year affair. If I could have ran the other way, I would have flew.
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Old 7th November 2017, 10:19 AM   #23
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And yes, he wants sex. He hunted you down and pursued you. Men don't do that forfriendship. The I love yous after such a short time are so typical. It's all textbook affair. I was in my affair for four eats and we never said I love you. I didn't think it was right to say it if we were with other people. Almost made t seek worse, as ridiculous as it sounds. I don't believe all affairs are the same and I don't believe all MM just use their affair partners and don't have feelings.

However yours seems like the classic MM.
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Old 7th November 2017, 10:27 AM   #24
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The only thing that redeems him from my suspicions of him being a serial cheater is that he's a proper loner. He has no friends. He stays at home every single weekend. For his bday, he went out but after he came back he just stayed in his bedroom. I've seen him in social situations at the running club, he's clearly uncomfortable, and would rather look at the ground.

He doesn't hide this at all.. That's not how I picture a casanova...
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Old 7th November 2017, 10:30 AM   #25
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The only thing that redeems him from my suspicions of him being a serial cheater is that he's a proper loner. He has no friends. He stays at home every single weekend. For his bday, he went out but after he came back he just stayed in his bedroom. I've seen him in social situations at the running club, he's clearly uncomfortable, and would rather look at the ground.

He doesn't hide this at all.. That's not how I picture a casanova...
I'm not sure what difference it makes whether or not he's a "serial" cheater. He's still a married man. Does he have children?
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Old 7th November 2017, 10:39 AM   #26
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My H is emotionally abusive. So yes, I'll divorce him. I'll tell him right after Christmas. Not only that but we have nothing in common, we never did. I got pregnant and we had to get married it is that simple.

We both have children, we often talk about them. And yes I know EVERYTHING sounds like a cliche.
If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's a duck. How did you get pregnant if you never had anything in common?
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Old 7th November 2017, 10:43 AM   #27
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YEs, MM has children. my H and I dated for 11 months before I fell pregnant. A couple of weeks before I fell pregnant I already knew I wanted out.
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Old 7th November 2017, 10:44 AM   #28
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YEs, MM has children. my H and I dated for 11 months before I fell pregnant. A couple of weeks before I fell pregnant I already knew I wanted out.
Sorry, I didn't read carefully enough. You did say that about the kids.

If you want to divorce your husband, divorce him.
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Old 7th November 2017, 10:44 AM   #29
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But I made it clear at the start that I was up for it, so NO real need for the sweet talking.

and yes, "running club affairs" seem to be somewhat common. It is not the first time I hear about them. and yes, we're an odd lot we seem to think that only other runners "get us".
If it's true that he knows you're up for sex and he's still not making a move there could be a number of reasons for that. Perhaps he doesn't think he's cheating on his wife if he's not having sex with you. A lot of men think there has to be actual sexual intercourse in order for it to be cheating so by not having sex with you he gets to keep you in his life and not feel guilty.

Or he might be waiting for you to make the first move to sex. This goes back to guilt. If you make the first move than you started it and he's not the bad guy. Later on if you complain about him using you he will point out that you're the one who pursued him sexually in the first place. It will also alleviate some of his guilt should he start to feel bad for cheating on his wife or if his wife finds out. Then he will say it's your fault, he never wanted to cheat but you threw yourself at him and what's a guy to do?

Or perhaps he really doesn't want sex with you. Maybe he's getting plenty of sex at home so he's using you to fill some of his other needs. Like a need for admiration or a need for attention. In any case, whether he wants you for sex or for some other reason, he is using you. I say that because married people are not fully available and shouldn't be creating romantic connections with outsiders and when they do it's because they want to use someone to get their needs met. He doesn't have anything to offer you other than what you're getting right now, just a secret friendship that may one day include sex but it will never be more.
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Old 7th November 2017, 10:45 AM   #30
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If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's a duck. How did you get pregnant if you never had anything in common?
Give me a break with this comment. Other then an attraction, you don't have to have much in common to sleep with someone. There are people that have ONS, FWB and other arrangements. Not everyone that has sex is looking for a future husband.
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