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An engaged man is trying to hookup with me


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Old 2nd November 2017, 12:14 AM   #1
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An engaged man is trying to hookup with me

Last year when I was single, I had gone on a couple dates with this guy. We ended up sleeping together. At the time, his girlfriend had "just moved out" - he mentioned this as there was lots of her stuff around the apartment. He messaged me on Snapchat, since I don't have his number and never ended up deleting him off that app. I found out he was engaged in a weird way: I was trying to remember exactly who he was so I searched him on Facebook based on his full name shown on Snapchat. I look at his profile, and he recently had gotten engaged to a girl he has been with for five years.

I don't know how to respond to his advances (obviously not going to accept them or proceed given the situation) because he doesn't know that I know he is engaged. I feel awful for his fiance, and I don't know what to do. My friend suggested I message her on Facebook, but I don't want to involve myself and possibly break them up. I don't know why he is trying to hook up with me - his fiance is gorgeous from what I've seen of her photos, all of their photos together they look very happy. I know it's naive sounding, but why would a man propose to a woman and then try to hookup with another one? I want to call him out for it, tell her, or stay silent.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 12:18 AM   #2
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I think it’s the thrill of the chase. My fiends doing it right now and I’ve done it too. For me personally it was the chase because hotter women usually want more of a relationship unless you catch them at the right time but yeah
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Old 2nd November 2017, 12:21 AM   #3
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This isn't a complicated situation, simply tell him you know he is engaged and have no interest in sleeping with him. Done and Done...

From the sounds of your post, you are still interested and that is what's making it complicated.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 12:37 AM   #4
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I'm actually not interested - I am in a relationship with a wonderful man. I mostly feel bad for the girl he is with and think he needs to know he is doing something wrong. I don't exactly want to tell him I searched him on Facebook, found him and his fiance..
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Old 2nd November 2017, 1:01 AM   #5
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Why would you tell him how you know he is engaged? You should not get into that much of a conversation with him. You don't owe him anything.

Just send him a message that you and your boyfriend think he is a creep for sniffing around behind his fiancée's back and you don't want him to ever contact you again.

Aside from that, I'm sorry he's trying to mix you up in his horror story, and sorry he hoodwinked you last year. Good news - he didn't suck you into his quicksand further. Thank goodness!

I'm with you on wanting to tell his fiancée. I can't advise you on that - it's a very personal decision. Good Lord, I would want to know if I were the fiancée though!

I just don't have the perspective to tell you to tell her, or not, or how. But - I consider that a separate issue from the no-brainer of telling McDouche off.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 2:39 AM   #6
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You tell him once that you are not interested and you have a dude so this will be the last communication between the two of you.

Screenshot the message.

If he comes at you again, just email the screenshot to the girlfriend then ghost.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 2:53 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Starseed420 View Post
Last year when I was single, I had gone on a couple dates with this guy. We ended up sleeping together. At the time, his girlfriend had "just moved out" - he mentioned this as there was lots of her stuff around the apartment. He messaged me on Snapchat, since I don't have his number and never ended up deleting him off that app. I found out he was engaged in a weird way: I was trying to remember exactly who he was so I searched him on Facebook based on his full name shown on Snapchat. I look at his profile, and he recently had gotten engaged to a girl he has been with for five years.



I don't know how to respond to his advances (obviously not going to accept them or proceed given the situation) because he doesn't know that I know he is engaged. I feel awful for his fiance, and I don't know what to do. My friend suggested I message her on Facebook, but I don't want to involve myself and possibly break them up. I don't know why he is trying to hook up with me - his fiance is gorgeous from what I've seen of her photos, all of their photos together they look very happy. I know it's naive sounding, but why would a man propose to a woman and then try to hookup with another one? I want to call him out for it, tell her, or stay silent.
I don;'t understand why you would respond to such a man in any way.

Poppy.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 4:59 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Starseed420 View Post
Last year when I was single, I had gone on a couple dates with this guy. We ended up sleeping together. At the time, his girlfriend had "just moved out" - he mentioned this as there was lots of her stuff around the apartment. He messaged me on Snapchat, since I don't have his number and never ended up deleting him off that app. I found out he was engaged in a weird way: I was trying to remember exactly who he was so I searched him on Facebook based on his full name shown on Snapchat. I look at his profile, and he recently had gotten engaged to a girl he has been with for five years.

I don't know how to respond to his advances (obviously not going to accept them or proceed given the situation) because he doesn't know that I know he is engaged. I feel awful for his fiance, and I don't know what to do. My friend suggested I message her on Facebook, but I don't want to involve myself and possibly break them up. I don't know why he is trying to hook up with me - his fiance is gorgeous from what I've seen of her photos, all of their photos together they look very happy. I know it's naive sounding, but why would a man propose to a woman and then try to hookup with another one? I want to call him out for it, tell her, or stay silent.
Tell her .

If you were about to make an imp decision in your life like marry Someone .would you lke to be informed that the man you were about to marry is a cheater.

I am guessing yes

She may still marry him.but at least it would be an informed decision .
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Old 2nd November 2017, 7:50 AM   #9
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You absolutely need to tell him that you know he is engaged, and then tell him not to contact you again. Why are you still giving this man the time of day?
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Old 2nd November 2017, 8:02 AM   #10
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Unless you have definitive proof that you saw and slept with this guy last year or you have messages from him suggesting you sleep together again then he will just deny deny deny and his fiancée will believe him over you, a complete stranger.
I guess she hadn't "moved out" at all, he is just a cheater.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 8:39 AM   #11
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If you are in a relationship, why are you even bothering with this guy? If he contacts you again tell him you are dating somebody & unlike him you don't cheat.

You can message his GF / FI if you like but she won't believe you.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 8:42 AM   #12
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The number of attached men parading around as single and available chasing tail is beyond staggering. Just in case anyone is wondering how prevalent this is. Regardless of their intentions be it 'innocent' flirting or outright gunning to hookup is irrelevant. As far as I'm concerned it's all seriously f*cked up.

You can thank the digital age for a lot of what's happening. The 24hour accessibility to countless pools of prospects coupled with the anonymity online provides makes for a tempting cocktail for lots and lots and lots of people, both men and women, attached or not.

As for your situation and your dilemma, I completely understand the desire to warn this guys' finance. If the tables were turned on me, I think I would appreciate someone telling me I was dating a dipsh*t although I'd like to think my intuition would safeguard me from being with someone like this in the first place.

At the same time, this is really none of your business either and may end up being much more drama than you care to handle. If this guy is as sleezy as he comes across in your post, then I would bet his girl is either completely daft or she already suspects he's a dog and is making a conscious choice to live in the dark for whatever reasons.

It might be best to block/delete him and his contact info and be done with this guy once and for all. Karma has a way of evening the playing field. No need to waste any more time and energy on this piece of trash. Go and live your life.

Good luck.
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Last edited by Michelle ma Belle; 2nd November 2017 at 8:46 AM..
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Old 2nd November 2017, 9:21 AM   #13
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Delete the message and get on with your life.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 9:30 AM   #14
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I don't understand why you were searching him in the first place especially since you have had sex with the guy but hardly remembered who he was tells me he wasn't very memorable in the sack. Plus you have a boyfriend. Why didn't you block this guy?
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Old 2nd November 2017, 12:59 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Starseed420 View Post
Last year when I was single, I had gone on a couple dates with this guy. We ended up sleeping together. At the time, his girlfriend had "just moved out" - he mentioned this as there was lots of her stuff around the apartment. He messaged me on Snapchat, since I don't have his number and never ended up deleting him off that app. I found out he was engaged in a weird way: I was trying to remember exactly who he was so I searched him on Facebook based on his full name shown on Snapchat. I look at his profile, and he recently had gotten engaged to a girl he has been with for five years.

I don't know how to respond to his advances (obviously not going to accept them or proceed given the situation) because he doesn't know that I know he is engaged. I feel awful for his fiance, and I don't know what to do. My friend suggested I message her on Facebook, but I don't want to involve myself and possibly break them up. I don't know why he is trying to hook up with me - his fiance is gorgeous from what I've seen of her photos, all of their photos together they look very happy. I know it's naive sounding, but why would a man propose to a woman and then try to hookup with another one? I want to call him out for it, tell her, or stay silent.
If you plan on telling his girlfriend, you also need to tell your boyfriend that you cheated.

Bolded. Instead of asking why he'd cheat on his fiance, ask yourself why you cheated on your boyfriend. Just saying your focus is in the wrong place.
IGNORE this enagaged man
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