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I lied to him.


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 21st October 2017, 1:45 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by Daisychain137 View Post
I went out with some friends after work the other night and had a great night drinking and dancing. My mm text me whilst I was out and I told him I was at home. I do not know why I lied to him- I just for that moment didn't need to tell him. He usually knows everything about me- where I am, who I am with and I just didn't want to tell him. Why did I behave this way?

I feel so guilty and I know if he finds out I lied to him he will be cross with me.
How do I learn not to be so hard on myself about this-

He lies every day to his wife and family- he has told me historically he will not leave his wife. The affair has been going on many many years now. Still can't let him go even though I am taking steps to try.
If you have married man you can do whatever you want too an not feel guilty about it. He's with his wife he could be doing anything with her why should you wait for when he can sneak away from her to be with you come now are you serious. I don't like to lie but these people who are stilled married and won't leave their spouse for you, and you think can't have fun because you can't get them upset.
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Old 22nd October 2017, 5:51 PM   #17
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So you want to be honest in an affair?.. good luck with that.
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Old 22nd October 2017, 11:30 PM   #18
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Daisychain, I concur with all of the above posters.

I was honest with xMM, and it turns out I was the only one doing so and the only one losing out... and it took me a long time and a heap of loss to realize this.
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Old 5th November 2017, 3:24 AM   #19
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Thank you all for your reply. It has been a rocky couple of weeks.

Since Wednesday he has again started the silent treatment- usually I would be itching to hear from him and beg him to talk to me- today I just feel nothing. Maybe I have been hurt me so many times- I feel empty. Just going along with my usual life activities. He is out of town too which helps as I won't bump into him.

I recognise his behaviour is a tatitc to punish me for a fight we had on Wednesday. He wanted a explanation about the night I originally started this thread for- I didn't give him one and told him i don't need to. Silent treatment started from then. He will probably break his silence when he thinks I am ready to "explain" myself.

I had a therapy session yesterday- it grounded me. I am proud of myself for this step. The therapist taught me his actions are abusive and cruel and no one ever deserves to be silenced as a form of punishment. I am working with my therapist to detach from him and his control.

Just taking each day as a step forward. X
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Old 14th November 2017, 7:35 PM   #20
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I am a MM with a family and I loved my AP very much. I was going to leave my family for her because I thought she was the one. However, she started lying to me so much and started sleeping with other guys. After so many lies I wasn’t sure if I could trust her again. So I never left my family and we ended badly.
I still love her and think about her every single day though...
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Old 16th November 2017, 4:00 AM   #21
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I am a MM with a family and I loved my AP very much. I was going to leave my family for her because I thought she was the one. However, she started lying to me so much and started sleeping with other guys. After so many lies I wasn’t sure if I could trust her again. So I never left my family and we ended badly.
I still love her and think about her every single day though...
That's the thing with relationships built on lies. The trust doesn't exist.
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Old 16th November 2017, 7:21 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by Thingsfallapart View Post
I am a MM with a family and I loved my AP very much. I was going to leave my family for her because I thought she was the one. However, she started lying to me so much and started sleeping with other guys. After so many lies I wasn’t sure if I could trust her again. So I never left my family and we ended badly.
I still love her and think about her every single day though...
Ok but you were not exactly Mr StraightUpHonestAndTrue either were you?
Hot/cold, push/pull, I'm not leaving my wife, yes I am leaving my wife, no I am not leaving my wife, we are great together, we are split up, we cannot be together I am so mad and jealous, you cannot see other guys, but of course I am sleeping with my wife, we are on a break, I love you, I am leaving my wife, no I am not... on and on....
painful affair end

A MM cannot expect a woman to be loyal to him and only him if there is no such loyalty on his part, no progress in the relationship and it al appears to be a waste of her time..
A relationship needs to be a two way street, most women will put up with so much, but after a while they start to cotton on to what is really going on...
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Last edited by elaine567; 16th November 2017 at 7:26 AM..
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Old 16th November 2017, 8:32 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by Daisychain137 View Post
Thank you all for your reply. It has been a rocky couple of weeks.

Since Wednesday he has again started the silent treatment- usually I would be itching to hear from him and beg him to talk to me- today I just feel nothing. Maybe I have been hurt me so many times- I feel empty. Just going along with my usual life activities. He is out of town too which helps as I won't bump into him.

I recognise his behaviour is a tatitc to punish me for a fight we had on Wednesday. He wanted a explanation about the night I originally started this thread for- I didn't give him one and told him i don't need to. Silent treatment started from then. He will probably break his silence when he thinks I am ready to "explain" myself.

I had a therapy session yesterday- it grounded me. I am proud of myself for this step. The therapist taught me his actions are abusive and cruel and no one ever deserves to be silenced as a form of punishment. I am working with my therapist to detach from him and his control.

Just taking each day as a step forward. X
Good for you! It sounds like you have a good therapist.

My grandmother used to give people the silent treatment in an attempt to get them to do what she wanted. I used to think of it like a child throwing a tantrum... Which meant, I would typically not do what she wanted because I refused to reward such immature and manipulative behavior.

There is nothing to respect about a grown man who resorts to such immature and cruel behavior to manipulate others to get his way.

Last edited by BaileyB; 16th November 2017 at 8:39 AM..
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Old 18th November 2017, 9:51 AM   #24
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Dear OP, make sure you take the responses from some posters on here into context that (some of them!) are bitter older betrayed ex-wives who's lives have been flipped upside down by husbands leaving them and they post from a particular point of view.

I am not that and I will post form a older mans POV.

Given the fact that you dating/sleeping with a MM -- you guys in a relationship built on lies and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you lying to him about who and where you are. Always keep in mind that you are still a free single person and can do whatever you want with whom ever you want. You *chose* to be in a relationship with a MM who will not leave his family. Its your own choice. No one is forcing you to do that.

My other advice is, I don't know how old you are, but if you have any sort of dreams or plans on finding a life long partner and perhaps hooking up and getting married, don't let time pass you buy and your best years go wasted because you blew them with this guy. Sure, he may love you, but he's exactly like me, too chick-**** to leave his wife and family. Don't let the chick-**** screw up your own life and future. Don't let yourself turn into one of those late 30s or 40s women who keeps whining and complaining to anyone that will listen that they can't find someone because everyone good is taken.

best of luck.

Last edited by jjgitties; 18th November 2017 at 9:53 AM..
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