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hi

 

iv been seeing this man since November last year so nearly a year

he did/has a fiance, i did date him 2 years ago but ended it due to finding out he got engaged in 2014 to a girl much younger than both of us, he has children older than her

 

but we got back together and the affair started again and yes im very much in love with him

 

now he moved from his place in june due to eviction, he goes from job to job never sticks to one more than a year he had 4 different employments since November last year, hes now living with his mate as he has spare room 60 miles from me and fiance but still comes see me once a week

 

he does not mention or talk about his fiance so dont know if they together or not

 

now hes pattern has changed he used come get me at 9pm at night and bring me home about midday but since moved the pattern changed

 

he comes in day time now and wont stay over at night goes home by 7pm at the latest my first fault was hes moved in with someone hes mate must be a girl as hes building ponds and summer houses and sheds in his friends garden

 

now i have a 4 bedroom home needed furniture and recarpeting so i did most of it apart from my room anyway hes gone and bought a carpet for my room and put it down hes bought me new bed and dressing tables and wardrobes so not cheap stuff

 

also i never found out he moved till after he moved

 

any thoughts on this please share

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somanymistakes

There's nothing there to trust. You say you don't even KNOW if they're together. So apparently you don't have enough of a relationship to ask him about it?

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Honestly it doesn’t sound like you’re in a relationship with him (or if you are it’s very superficial at best) so figuring out what’s worth trusting and not trusting is rather pointless.

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So he was with you a couple of years ago and you found out he was with another woman that he got engaged to. Were you with him first and then he cheated on you with her? Or was he always with her and cheating on her? In either case he is obviously quite comfortable with lying and cheating.

 

You say you love him but apparently you are not even close enough to him to have a honest and open conversation with him about what is going in his life. He doesn't mention his fiancé anymore and you don't ask. He didn't even tell you he was moving. Doesnt sound like you have a close intimate relationship with him at all. Maybe the reason he doesn't talk about his fiancé anymore is because they got married and moved in together. It's easier for him to just not mention her rather than outright lie to you or to tell you the truth and risk your negative reaction. That would certainly explain why he can't see you in the evening anymore and why he has to be home by a certain time.

 

How do you know how much money he spent on you? Did you see receipts? Could be that he got a great deal on the stuff. Did you shop for that furniture together?

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sometimes he brings stuff over others ive been with him

 

we have a very intimate relationship and talk about a

lot of things but he never brings her up so i dont ask he comes have dinner with me and kids

 

takes me out to dinner sometimes

 

and we are sleeping together and he said he didnt want tell me he moving as didnt know how too

 

ive also met his youngest child and he also kisses when he leaves in front of her

 

texts me every day calls me babe and sweetheart

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So he was with you a couple of years ago and you found out he was with another woman that he got engaged to. Were you with him first and then he cheated on you with her? Or was he always with her and cheating on her? In either case he is obviously quite comfortable with lying and cheating.

 

to answer the questions he been with her before he met me, once i found out he engaged vie a 3rd party i left him but he came back and he told me it was all lies about her etc so i forgave him and we got back together

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The it seems like maybe you should ask him, not us, what the status of your relationship is.

 

His spending money on you and bringing the kids around doesn’t mean much of anything.

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hi i didnt need know status of our relationship just peoples views on what they think hes up too

 

is he playing mind games etc is he being truthful with what he saying to me

 

and yes possible he has married her but he still comes to see me sleep with me takes me out on dates even if he is 60 miles away now

 

surely if he married her he wouldnt come date me still and sleep with me

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I'm so baffled by the question of whether someone can be trusted when that someone has consistently shown themselves to be untrustworthy.

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its just im having doubts maybe i should put different question to what im asking

 

but if he is married and living with another even though he told me his friends house hes moved to why visit me why want help sort my new home out with furniture and diy etc

 

surely if hes married she wonder where hes going and notice some spending with him

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eye of the storm

Shelly, You say you two talk a lot but what do you talk about. Hopes and dreams for the future, current events, world peace, food.... Those are cool topics but not applicable to what people are saying when they mention you two don't communicate. You are not sure if he is married and you don't want to ask. He moved and didn't tell you because he didn't know how. Both of those point to two people who either don't want to talk or are afraid to talk. When you are in a good relationship you should be able to talk about the present, what is going on in your head and heart right then. Talking about the future is just fantasy. Talking about the hard stuff that is going on right now is reality.

 

 

You are asking strangers on LS if he is playing mind games. So Ill tell you yes, he probably is. Why do I think that? Because you would not have found this site, registered, and asked the question if you didn't feel deep down inside that something was way off.

 

 

You think there is mind games going on. You don't want them to be, you want people to tell you that all is well and you are imaging things. But you aren't.

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You do need to know the status of your relationship if he may or may not be married or engaged. Just because he’s married or engaged doesn’t mean he wouldn’t date you. He did it before, I’m sure he could do it again. His showing up and you not asking “oh hey, by the way, are you married?” first thing is actually pretty convenient for him. He doesn’t have to tell you what happened and you imply you don’t care if he is or isn’t.

 

Really, discussing past relationships is basic stuff especially if you knew about it before and it was the reason you split before. If you haven’t asked or can’t ask then your relationship can’t be all that serious or deep. There shouldn’t be any reason you’d ask us if we think he’s with her still but you can’t ask him.

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eye of the storm

And my xMM spent a crap ton of money doing things with me and for me. (never asked for) Some men just like to and has nothing to do with if they are married or not.

 

 

Some wives notice, some don't.

 

 

You are going to drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why he does what he does. And in the end it doesn't matter.

 

 

You matter. You can choose to take yourself and your child out of this. You know there is trickery afoot.

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hi i didnt need know status of our relationship just peoples views on what they think hes up too

is he playing mind games etc is he being truthful with what he saying to me

 

and yes possible he has married her but he still comes to see me sleep with me takes me out on dates even if he is 60 miles away now

 

surely if he married her he wouldnt come date me still and sleep with me

 

I think he's working on making you comfortable with being a permanent sidepiece. And no, there is no reason to trust him.

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What a man says means a lot less than what he does. It’s been almost a year, he isn’t volunteering any info about his previous serious relationship, he sees you only one day a week, and you aren’t meaningfully intertwined in his life.

 

While that’s clearly not a one night stand, it is an uncommitted relationship, bordering on fling.

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sometimes i see him twice weekly he phones me once week too and texts me everyday

 

i also have said to him if you want to end this than go ahead and lets move on and he says he has no intention of ending what we have

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Once, sometimes twice a week visits, one call a week, texts, and the inability to ask basic relationship questions doesn’t have all the bells and whistles of a full fledged relationship.

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sometimes i see him twice weekly he phones me once week too and texts me everyday

 

i also have said to him if you want to end this than go ahead and lets move on and he says he has no intention of ending what we have

 

Why would he end it? I mean, he sends you a few texts, keys you for dinner occasionally, stops by twice a week, and gets sex...

 

Why in the world would he end that? He invests very little, and gets some extra sex...

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its just im having doubts maybe i should put different question to what im asking

 

but if he is married and living with another even though he told me his friends house hes moved to why visit me why want help sort my new home out with furniture and diy etc

 

surely if hes married she wonder where hes going and notice some spending with him

Girl, you are so like me.

The married man i was with, was so comfortable lying to his wife.

In fact, he spend so much time with me, you can even think that he is single.

The wife may be a plain housewife who spend most of her time at home and when he leaves the house, he can simply says for work purposes or etc.

Edited by ice3784
Havent done typing but accidently post
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