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trust or not


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 2nd October 2017, 6:16 AM   #1
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trust or not

hi

iv been seeing this man since November last year so nearly a year
he did/has a fiance, i did date him 2 years ago but ended it due to finding out he got engaged in 2014 to a girl much younger than both of us, he has children older than her

but we got back together and the affair started again and yes im very much in love with him

now he moved from his place in june due to eviction, he goes from job to job never sticks to one more than a year he had 4 different employments since November last year, hes now living with his mate as he has spare room 60 miles from me and fiance but still comes see me once a week

he does not mention or talk about his fiance so dont know if they together or not

now hes pattern has changed he used come get me at 9pm at night and bring me home about midday but since moved the pattern changed

he comes in day time now and wont stay over at night goes home by 7pm at the latest my first fault was hes moved in with someone hes mate must be a girl as hes building ponds and summer houses and sheds in his friends garden

now i have a 4 bedroom home needed furniture and recarpeting so i did most of it apart from my room anyway hes gone and bought a carpet for my room and put it down hes bought me new bed and dressing tables and wardrobes so not cheap stuff

also i never found out he moved till after he moved

any thoughts on this please share
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Old 2nd October 2017, 6:57 AM   #2
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There's nothing there to trust. You say you don't even KNOW if they're together. So apparently you don't have enough of a relationship to ask him about it?
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Old 2nd October 2017, 9:16 AM   #3
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yes but if he is living with her or someone else would he be spending loads on my house
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Old 2nd October 2017, 9:30 AM   #4
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Honestly it doesn’t sound like you’re in a relationship with him (or if you are it’s very superficial at best) so figuring out what’s worth trusting and not trusting is rather pointless.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 9:33 AM   #5
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So he was with you a couple of years ago and you found out he was with another woman that he got engaged to. Were you with him first and then he cheated on you with her? Or was he always with her and cheating on her? In either case he is obviously quite comfortable with lying and cheating.

You say you love him but apparently you are not even close enough to him to have a honest and open conversation with him about what is going in his life. He doesn't mention his fiancé anymore and you don't ask. He didn't even tell you he was moving. Doesnt sound like you have a close intimate relationship with him at all. Maybe the reason he doesn't talk about his fiancé anymore is because they got married and moved in together. It's easier for him to just not mention her rather than outright lie to you or to tell you the truth and risk your negative reaction. That would certainly explain why he can't see you in the evening anymore and why he has to be home by a certain time.

How do you know how much money he spent on you? Did you see receipts? Could be that he got a great deal on the stuff. Did you shop for that furniture together?
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Old 2nd October 2017, 9:48 AM   #6
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sometimes he brings stuff over others ive been with him

we have a very intimate relationship and talk about a
lot of things but he never brings her up so i dont ask he comes have dinner with me and kids

takes me out to dinner sometimes

and we are sleeping together and he said he didnt want tell me he moving as didnt know how too

ive also met his youngest child and he also kisses when he leaves in front of her

texts me every day calls me babe and sweetheart
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Old 2nd October 2017, 9:51 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anika99 View Post
So he was with you a couple of years ago and you found out he was with another woman that he got engaged to. Were you with him first and then he cheated on you with her? Or was he always with her and cheating on her? In either case he is obviously quite comfortable with lying and cheating.
to answer the questions he been with her before he met me, once i found out he engaged vie a 3rd party i left him but he came back and he told me it was all lies about her etc so i forgave him and we got back together
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Old 2nd October 2017, 10:03 AM   #8
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The it seems like maybe you should ask him, not us, what the status of your relationship is.

His spending money on you and bringing the kids around doesn’t mean much of anything.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 10:09 AM   #9
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hi i didnt need know status of our relationship just peoples views on what they think hes up too

is he playing mind games etc is he being truthful with what he saying to me

and yes possible he has married her but he still comes to see me sleep with me takes me out on dates even if he is 60 miles away now

surely if he married her he wouldnt come date me still and sleep with me
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Old 2nd October 2017, 10:48 AM   #10
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I'm so baffled by the question of whether someone can be trusted when that someone has consistently shown themselves to be untrustworthy.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 11:29 AM   #11
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its just im having doubts maybe i should put different question to what im asking

but if he is married and living with another even though he told me his friends house hes moved to why visit me why want help sort my new home out with furniture and diy etc

surely if hes married she wonder where hes going and notice some spending with him
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Old 2nd October 2017, 11:34 AM   #12
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Shelly, You say you two talk a lot but what do you talk about. Hopes and dreams for the future, current events, world peace, food.... Those are cool topics but not applicable to what people are saying when they mention you two don't communicate. You are not sure if he is married and you don't want to ask. He moved and didn't tell you because he didn't know how. Both of those point to two people who either don't want to talk or are afraid to talk. When you are in a good relationship you should be able to talk about the present, what is going on in your head and heart right then. Talking about the future is just fantasy. Talking about the hard stuff that is going on right now is reality.


You are asking strangers on LS if he is playing mind games. So Ill tell you yes, he probably is. Why do I think that? Because you would not have found this site, registered, and asked the question if you didn't feel deep down inside that something was way off.


You think there is mind games going on. You don't want them to be, you want people to tell you that all is well and you are imaging things. But you aren't.
anika99, burnt and Vivir like this.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 11:36 AM   #13
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You do need to know the status of your relationship if he may or may not be married or engaged. Just because he’s married or engaged doesn’t mean he wouldn’t date you. He did it before, I’m sure he could do it again. His showing up and you not asking “oh hey, by the way, are you married?” first thing is actually pretty convenient for him. He doesn’t have to tell you what happened and you imply you don’t care if he is or isn’t.

Really, discussing past relationships is basic stuff especially if you knew about it before and it was the reason you split before. If you haven’t asked or can’t ask then your relationship can’t be all that serious or deep. There shouldn’t be any reason you’d ask us if we think he’s with her still but you can’t ask him.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 11:39 AM   #14
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And my xMM spent a crap ton of money doing things with me and for me. (never asked for) Some men just like to and has nothing to do with if they are married or not.


Some wives notice, some don't.


You are going to drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why he does what he does. And in the end it doesn't matter.


You matter. You can choose to take yourself and your child out of this. You know there is trickery afoot.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 1:02 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shelley72 View Post
hi i didnt need know status of our relationship just peoples views on what they think hes up too

is he playing mind games etc is he being truthful with what he saying to me

and yes possible he has married her but he still comes to see me sleep with me takes me out on dates even if he is 60 miles away now

surely if he married her he wouldnt come date me still and sleep with me
I think he's working on making you comfortable with being a permanent sidepiece. And no, there is no reason to trust him.
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