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Had Affair, Was getting Divorce, NOW


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 27th September 2017, 10:54 PM   #16
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UPDATE: Today he tried to send me a pic from his phone and he accidentally sent another picture in addition to the one he intended to send me. This one was of a young one 20 years old that use to work for him. I asked him about it and he said oh it came from Facebook. I asked why would he have it in his phone and he said I have pictures of many former employees.....while I don't think that he's had a physical affair with this person; I do believe the photo was saved with unsavory thoughts....I have had enough!! We are supposed to be getting engaged and frankly I might just let him spend the money and leave him. Might as well leave with something of benefit....right?!?!?!
What do you want with someone 60? You are 38. In 10 years you will be 48 and he will be 70. I'm newly 45 and I could not imagine being with a 70 year old. This guy sounds like an exit affair for you. I'd move on, you have plenty of time to find a new and more appropriate guy.
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Old 27th September 2017, 11:32 PM   #17
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spend what money? You mean money on an engagement ring? Acceptance of an engagement ring is a promise to marry. If you don't marry him you may be legally obligated to return the engagement ring to him. Why play silly games anyways. You would be crazy to marry this guy so just walk away with some dignity.
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Old 28th September 2017, 3:21 AM   #18
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spend what money? You mean money on an engagement ring? Acceptance of an engagement ring is a promise to marry. If you don't marry him you may be legally obligated to return the engagement ring to him. Why play silly games anyways. You would be crazy to marry this guy so just walk away with some dignity.

You are right! And truly I am joking about that part of it. I would NOT marry this individual. He is not anyone I'd want a future with anymore. The reality is it takes the heart a moment to catch-up with the head:
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Old 28th September 2017, 6:50 AM   #19
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You made the mistake of thinking older man, secure and steady as a rock, but people rarely change as his five previous marriages have shown you.
YOU are only 38, ditch this untrustworthy old geezer...
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Old 28th September 2017, 9:20 AM   #20
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UPDATE: Today he tried to send me a pic from his phone and he accidentally sent another picture in addition to the one he intended to send me. This one was of a young one 20 years old that use to work for him. I asked him about it and he said oh it came from Facebook. I asked why would he have it in his phone and he said I have pictures of many former employees.....while I don't think that he's had a physical affair with this person; I do believe the photo was saved with unsavory thoughts....I have had enough!! We are supposed to be getting engaged and frankly I might just let him spend the money and leave him. Might as well leave with something of benefit....right?!?!?!
You accept the ring to marry him not dump him and
get rich.

Or you think you are entitled to get PAID to be dated.
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Old 28th September 2017, 12:34 PM   #21
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This is an easy one to answer. You need to leave this guy, AND you need to leave your marriage, too. This guy is a serial cheater......but what are you? You have no moral highground, either. In all of your posts you haven't mentioned your husband, family and what this affair has done to them. You are completely self-absorbed, and seem to have zero empathy for those you have betrayed. Get out of both relationships and get help.
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Old 28th September 2017, 11:05 PM   #22
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This is an easy one to answer. You need to leave this guy, AND you need to leave your marriage, too. This guy is a serial cheater......but what are you? You have no moral highground, either. In all of your posts you haven't mentioned your husband, family and what this affair has done to them. You are completely self-absorbed, and seem to have zero empathy for those you have betrayed. Get out of both relationships and get help.
Well...I could see how you feel that way. I haven't mentioned my marriage because I made the decision to leave it. My husband also wanted out. He was no longer happy. AND, my affair began because of indescrecions of my husband. I was faithfully married to my husband for 14 years. Then he acted inappropriate in our marriage. I also experienced a significant amount of physical and verbal abuse in the marriage. To the degree that he broke his hand. I lost my grandparents that raised me and suffered from tremendous depression and felt that my husband was all I had so I stayed. Once I met this individual, I contemplated leaving many times but was hesitant because of he scetchy history. My husband does not know about the affair. He only knows that I'm leaving and he wants out to. My marriage was destroyed long before the affair. But because of my personal issues I chose to stay longer than I should have. My affair is wrong and the circumstances don't justify my actions. But hopefully that additional background helps.
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Old 29th September 2017, 11:26 AM   #23
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All of that is understandable...

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Originally Posted by confusedcr View Post
Well...I could see how you feel that way. I haven't mentioned my marriage because I made the decision to leave it. My husband also wanted out. He was no longer happy. AND, my affair began because of indescrecions of my husband. I was faithfully married to my husband for 14 years. Then he acted inappropriate in our marriage. I also experienced a significant amount of physical and verbal abuse in the marriage. To the degree that he broke his hand. I lost my grandparents that raised me and suffered from tremendous depression and felt that my husband was all I had so I stayed. Once I met this individual, I contemplated leaving many times but was hesitant because of he scetchy history. My husband does not know about the affair. He only knows that I'm leaving and he wants out to. My marriage was destroyed long before the affair. But because of my personal issues I chose to stay longer than I should have. My affair is wrong and the circumstances don't justify my actions. But hopefully that additional background helps.
All of that is understandable...

As you move on, understand that no matter what, there is no way to justify having an affair. It is wrong no matter what is happening.

Don't be one of those people that convince themselves that what they did was ok because it is not.

I your next serious relationship, put cheating out of your mind as a way of coping with issues.

Not saying that you are doing this, but you have to be careful to keep your mind straight when you move on...
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Old 29th September 2017, 8:17 PM   #24
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All of that is understandable...

As you move on, understand that no matter what, there is no way to justify having an affair. It is wrong no matter what is happening.

Don't be one of those people that convince themselves that what they did was ok because it is not.

I your next serious relationship, put cheating out of your mind as a way of coping with issues.

Not saying that you are doing this, but you have to be careful to keep your mind straight when you move on...
I completely agree with you. I would never say that having an affair is the right thing to do. And I do feel guilty for doing so because I violated my own moral compass in doing so. I never cheated on anyone prior to this and have no intentions on doing so again. I believe what you sow you reap and that is why I am in this situation today.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 2:03 AM   #25
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Well...I could see how you feel that way. I haven't mentioned my marriage because I made the decision to leave it. My husband also wanted out. He was no longer happy. AND, my affair began because of indescrecions of my husband. I was faithfully married to my husband for 14 years. Then he acted inappropriate in our marriage. I also experienced a significant amount of physical and verbal abuse in the marriage. To the degree that he broke his hand. I lost my grandparents that raised me and suffered from tremendous depression and felt that my husband was all I had so I stayed. Once I met this individual, I contemplated leaving many times but was hesitant because of he scetchy history. My husband does not know about the affair. He only knows that I'm leaving and he wants out to. My marriage was destroyed long before the affair. But because of my personal issues I chose to stay longer than I should have. My affair is wrong and the circumstances don't justify my actions. But hopefully that additional background helps.
Well, honestly it doesn't help. Why? Because it's right out of the cheating wife handbook. It's on 99% of these threads. I was awesome my husband sucked.

Contrary to popular belief, affairs are very very rarely isolated incident, instead it's usually the Apex of the climb in contined selfish and self serving actions/decisions. Of course this is highly debated round here because so many refuse to fully accept the roll in not only their affair but also the crappy state of the marriage/relationship prior.

There is a fine line between setting the stage and controlling the narrative to gain sympathies or sway perceptions, in an effort to minimize ones own horrid behavior.

Even if all you say is 100% true, which honestly common sense says it's not, what exactly did your lovers wife do to you that you felt JUSTIFIED to insert yourself into her marriage. That ole there did this so that's why I did that, may offer short term relief but at some point to gain true growth you will have to come to terms with you did it, and it wasn't because of anything your husband did. It's because you wanted to.
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