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MM's Soon to be Ex unblocked me on Facebook


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 21st September 2017, 3:42 PM   #31
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Perhaps OP's BF has been similarly raised, and felt it his duty to give the s2bxw her kid, so he could dump hermwith a clear conscience, to his mind. Perhaps he thought, it's not that big a sacrifice, and it will get me off the hook? It might seem "mixed up" to an outsider, but to someone who feels trapped in a situation, it may seem perfectly rational.
OK... now - this does make sense. it confirms the theory about this MM's severe mental issues & bad character - it doesn't excuse him because we can't blame our life choices on our parents and well... EVERYBODY but ourselves only to avoid the ugly truth that we might not be good people.

he should be getting professional help.

maybe we're all overthink the situation. maybe he's just dumb as a box of rocks. that's also an option, isn't it...?

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 22nd September 2017 at 12:58 PM.. Reason: off topic ~T
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Old 21st September 2017, 4:01 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by LGBJUNHAO View Post
Any thoughts?
she wants to keep an eye on you in case you decide to post some public pictures of her child. that's why i stalked my ex husband's new girlfriend - the only reason was that i didn't trust her with my baby because i didn't know her so it was a matter of checking in with the BABY and about the baby - not you.
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Old 21st September 2017, 5:14 PM   #33
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Is it possible for him to cheat on her? Yes. It's
Good luck OP! Sounds like you and your guy are progressing well!
Sure. If you call progressing nicely 3-4 years since D-day. And 5 years since the affair started.
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Old 21st September 2017, 6:10 PM   #34
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Sure. If you call progressing nicely 3-4 years since D-day. And 5 years since the affair started.
And the question that remains unanswered, have the wife and child actually left the marital home yet?
Is the OP actually living with the MM, or is the wife still coming from a position of strength, ie she is still living with her husband or is she living somewhere else and perhaps wants to know what they(the OP and her husband) are now doing by unblocking the OP.
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Old 21st September 2017, 6:14 PM   #35
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she wants to keep an eye on you in case you decide to post some public pictures of her child. that's why i stalked my ex husband's new girlfriend - the only reason was that i didn't trust her with my baby because i didn't know her so it was a matter of checking in with the BABY and about the baby - not you.
This is what I was thinking too. If you're going to be around her kid and she views you as a horrible person she's gonna want to keep tabs on you to make sure you're not doing anything to hurt her kid. Regardless of if you would or not, she views you as someone without her child's best interest at mind (because you took his dad away from him- in her eyes)

I feel the exact same way about my husband's AP. I wouldn't let my children within 100 feet of someone who saw them cry about their dad and continued with him anyway. And yes, their dad should have done better etc etc we all know that but he's still their DAD and she can't take him out of their lives so she will hope you do something that proves that you shouldn't be allowed in their lives
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Old 21st September 2017, 7:11 PM   #36
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Thank you lostgirl

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I don't know why it matters if he did IVF with his wife, if at one point he wanted to be with her or whatever some people here are talking about. The fact now is he left her, is going through the divorce process and has chosen to be with OP. The rest is history.

Is it possible for him to cheat on her? Yes. It's possible that my guy will cheat on me. It's possible for anyone to cheat. But that doesn't mean it WILL happen and that OP and her man can't have a wonderful relationship from here on out.
Good luck OP! Sounds like you and your guy are progressing well!
Thank you Lostgirl for defending me. I thought I would be safe here since it is the other woman board. I am surprised by all the bashing. One thing I learnt from this affair is never judge other people unless you are in their shoes. Sure My MM tended to be a conflict avoidant. He and I have discussed this many times. I told him his tendency of conflict avifance contributed to all the mess he got himself. He agreed and has since taken action. for instance, he was very form about getting a divorce despite all the stuns/tactics she is pulling to prolong/delay the process.

Anyway, everything has been very well and we just hope she can come to the sense the marriage over and stop stall the divorce process, so all parties can move on.

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Old 21st September 2017, 7:35 PM   #37
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My H was tricked into parenthood he didn't want - that they'd jointly agreed not to do - by his then-W, because she decided to change her mind and not tell him. And because of a sense of duty / obligation to the child he hadn't wanted, he was stuck in a M he increasingly wanted out of. Men - especially men brought up to put others first, always - do weird things out of a sense of duty / obligation - even when it disadvantages themselves very directly. My H should have dumped the xW the minute she pulled that stunt - it would have spared so much heartbreak all round, but he stuck it out because that was what he'd been brought up to do.

Perhaps OP's BF has been similarly raised, and felt it his duty to give the s2bxw her kid, so he could dump hermwith a clear conscience, to his mind. Perhaps he thought, it's not that big a sacrifice, and it will get me off the hook? It might seem "mixed up" to an outsider, but to someone who feels trapped in a situation, it may seem perfectly rational.
when I asked him why didn't her just walk before they had kid since he hadn't been happy for a very long time. My MM repeatedly told me he felt bad for not giving her a kid since that was what her wanted.

They started the IVF 10 years ago, she didn't have a lot of viable eggs with good qualities. Also there were some issue with her uterus which made it hard for the embryo to attach hence hard to carry full term. After about 6 rounds of tries, the Dr suggested that they should stop and look into adoption. But she doesn't want to adopt, she wanted a biological kid.

Anyway, they had three embroys left and were freezed for 6 years. during the 6 six years, she never stopped thinking of having another try. She was suicidal, depressed. at one point she quit her job due to depression and stayed home for one year while my MM working two jobs to make ends meet and trying to pay off all the debt racked up from the previous fertility treatment.

He was ready to walk and then her mom found a very famous fertility treatment dr. After some back and forth including an suicidal threat from her, and pressures from her family, he agreed to give it another try. he said whether it would succeed or not this time , he would divorce her in a year or two. He was getting his duck in a row. I asked him why he agreed to do this cause it would be so much more complicated to divorce her when a child is involved. he was like" what my options were, I could either be a jerk and refuse to go through the IVF and divorce her knowing she probably would not have kids (she was 40 at the time). or I could go through this, at lease did everything I could to help her to get what she wants and then divorce her"
Anyway, she got pregnant on the 8th rounds.
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Old 21st September 2017, 7:36 PM   #38
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so is your MM still living with his wife?
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Old 21st September 2017, 7:37 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by LGBJUNHAO View Post
It is a not private a message it is a notification asking if you know this persons. I have got multiple in the past a coupe weeks. One time it sent a notification asking if I know my EX.

I did a bit of looking, and from what I understand there are many reasons that she might show up n the "you might know" list.

First, it can use things like phone contacts, location services ( there was some debate about whether or not this happens, some say it does, others say it doesn't) and also who looked at your profile.

If you are really nervous, block her. If you still feel creeped out, gather all the documentation you have that indicates she has been either harassing or "stalking" you and speak to a lawyer and the police.

If she has already been blocked from seeing your profile, then her name shouldn't be coming up in the "you may know " list at all.
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Old 21st September 2017, 7:45 PM   #40
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so is your MM still living with his wife?
Not anymore. final got her moved out last month.
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Old 21st September 2017, 7:55 PM   #41
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I did a bit of looking, and from what I understand there are many reasons that she might show up n the "you might know" list.

First, it can use things like phone contacts, location services ( there was some debate about whether or not this happens, some say it does, others say it doesn't) and also who looked at your profile.

If you are really nervous, block her. If you still feel creeped out, gather all the documentation you have that indicates she has been either harassing or "stalking" you and speak to a lawyer and the police.

If she has already been blocked from seeing your profile, then her name shouldn't be coming up in the "you may know " list at all.
Talked to my BF, he said since my setting is private and I don't need to do anything, Cause if I block her she would notice since i am sure she is checking my facebook. They are still going through the mediation so I don't want to do anything to hinder the progress of their divorce.

Filing a restraining order is not an option because they have a kid together.
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Old 21st September 2017, 8:42 PM   #42
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best to block her. maybe send her a message saying hey like staking me lol
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Old 21st September 2017, 9:20 PM   #43
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Originally Posted by LGBJUNHAO View Post
Talked to my BF, he said since my setting is private and I don't need to do anything, Cause if I block her she would notice since i am sure she is checking my facebook. They are still going through the mediation so I don't want to do anything to hinder the progress of their divorce.

Filing a restraining order is not an option because they have a kid together.
I doubt you would be allowed anywhere near their child for now, and even if your mm is granted visitation, there may well be a lot for him and his wife to work out first.

it could be a long haul.

I get it's hard to keep out of it, but really, when it comes to them and their child, it is not your concern, and noting you should be stressing over.
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Old 21st September 2017, 9:26 PM   #44
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I doubt you would be allowed anywhere near their child for now, and even if your mm is granted visitation, there may well be a lot for him and his wife to work out first.

it could be a long haul.

I get it's hard to keep out of it, but really, when it comes to them and their child, it is not your concern, and noting you should be stressing over.
We have discussed about this. I am in no hurry to be close to his kid. I understand it is going to take time giving the situation. after we finally move in together, if the kid has to stay over night, he could stay at his brother's place when it is his turn to have the kid.

I have no issue the kid to stay with us for that, but i understand she would not want it at least for the foreseeable future. I am not trying to be his son's step mom. I am his father's gf. That's all.
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Old 21st September 2017, 9:28 PM   #45
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Maybe I am naive in this subject, but does it really take 3 years to get divorced? How many assets do these people have? That doesn't make any sense to me.
I was reading online that a divorce can take 3 to 9 months. A year was the longest I saw. R u sure ur MM isn't lying to you?
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