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MM's Soon to be Ex unblocked me on Facebook


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 21st September 2017, 8:37 AM   #16
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So a guy who has a clearly unstable wife, goes through the whole rigamarole of IVF because his wife threatens to kill herself if he doesn't.

he felt okay bringing a child into that situation on purpose?

That's really mixed up.
op,
I didn't say that to try and run you down. It's more to warn you that he has a proven track record of making bad decisions.

If she as the hot mess you describe, why on earth would he even consider bringing a child into it, especially if, as you say, he was miserable, wanted to divorce, knows that-according to you, where you live, custody is usually given to the mother.

That makes zero sense on any level. Really, let that sink in. He was willing to use a child to make his marriage bearable? I could understand if it was an accidental pregnancy, but this was completely, 100 percent planned out, and took a lot of effort and expense.

He was either being incredibly selfish or he has the emotional maturity of a five year old. I get painting her as psycho makes the whole situation more palatable for you ( btw, if his wife and the mother of his child is so unstable, why hasn't he sued for custody, tried to get her help, etc.) but it's a double edged sword. The worse he ( and you) try to make her look, the worse you are both hims look.

and sorry, I don't give a damn about any of his 'reasons " ( ahem- cough cough excuses) ...you do not ask a child to pay the price for your crappy life, which is exactly what he did.

This is much deeper than what he did to his wife or is doing to you. It;s about an innocent child who didn't ask to be put int he middle of this. If he was so worried she was going to kill herself, why didn't he pick up the phone and call emergency services, the police, a firetruck,an ambulance, a crisis line ...hell he could have even called a taxi to drive her to the emergency room because she was threatening self harm...if he's even telling the truth.

Instead, how did he respond? by helping her get pregnant. Yeah...that makes perfect sense.

Did he try to get her help? Tell her the marriage wasn't working? NO. He just squirreled that little tidbit away for future use. ammunition and excuses.

This guy has pretty much zero chance of being a good partner, and if you actually take an impartial look at the situation ( which I know is hard) you'll see that. I'm not saying you should end things with him, more that you should stop worrying about his ex, start worrying about him and yourself and insist he get some therapy before you get in any deeper with him.
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Old 21st September 2017, 8:54 AM   #17
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At any rate it doesn't matter because he's with you now right?

I just think you need to make sure you are being realistic about the type of person you are hanging your dreams on. He's a cheater. He is someone who went through years of IVF with his wife then dumped her for someone else. He's someone who talked **** about his wife -the mother of his child-to someone else. Just because that person was you doesn't mean that he won't be doing the same to you someday when you become inconvenient. It's always important to remember that despite what you've been told, there was once a point in time where MM felt so in love with her that he made a decision to marry her. He stood up in front of friends and family and God and vowed to love and honor her and to forsake all others until death.

So any strong feelings he has for you that you feel are unique just keep in mind he already felt that way about his wife and he destroyed her, and he can do the same to you. And since he's already done it once....it'll probably be easier the next time. Especially since in his eyes you're ok with adultery. Oh what? You're not? But you already participated in it once, right? You're going to be easy for him to disrespect so please be aware of this and take care of you.

Last edited by aileD; 21st September 2017 at 8:57 AM..
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Old 21st September 2017, 9:04 AM   #18
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I don't know why it matters if he did IVF with his wife, if at one point he wanted to be with her or whatever some people here are talking about. The fact now is he left her, is going through the divorce process and has chosen to be with OP. The rest is history.

Is it possible for him to cheat on her? Yes. It's possible that my guy will cheat on me. It's possible for anyone to cheat. But that doesn't mean it WILL happen and that OP and her man can't have a wonderful relationship from here on out.

Good luck OP! Sounds like you and your guy are progressing well!

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 22nd September 2017 at 1:51 PM.. Reason: off topic ~T
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Old 21st September 2017, 9:22 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by wmacbride View Post
So a guy who has a clearly unstable wife, goes through the whole rigamarole of IVF because his wife threatens to kill herself if he doesn't.

he felt okay bringing a child into that situation on purpose?

That's really mixed up.
My H was tricked into parenthood he didn't want - that they'd jointly agreed not to do - by his then-W, because she decided to change her mind and not tell him. And because of a sense of duty / obligation to the child he hadn't wanted, he was stuck in a M he increasingly wanted out of. Men - especially men brought up to put others first, always - do weird things out of a sense of duty / obligation - even when it disadvantages themselves very directly. My H should have dumped the xW the minute she pulled that stunt - it would have spared so much heartbreak all round, but he stuck it out because that was what he'd been brought up to do.

Perhaps OP's BF has been similarly raised, and felt it his duty to give the s2bxw her kid, so he could dump hermwith a clear conscience, to his mind. Perhaps he thought, it's not that big a sacrifice, and it will get me off the hook? It might seem "mixed up" to an outsider, but to someone who feels trapped in a situation, it may seem perfectly rational.
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Old 21st September 2017, 9:43 AM   #20
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OP it's been 3yrs since Dday and they are still not divorced? Furthermore you posted in the spring that your MM and his wife still live together. Is that still the case? Has he been telling you for 3 years that he's getting a divorce but still living with his wife all this time? If that's the case your biggest problem isn't whether his wife has you blocked on Facebook or not. You wouldn't be the first OW to hear the IVF story to explain a wife getting pregnant by her supposedly divorcing husband.

I think you are being snowed. I think his wife thinks you are out of the picture but still has suspicions so she decided to snoop on your social media to look for clues.
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Old 21st September 2017, 9:45 AM   #21
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Op what does it matter .If she unblocked you.

He is divorcing his wife .you are happy he is with you .It's going according to plan .

So why exactly is a unblocking bothering you so much that you require a thread for it ...you can just block her .If you don't want any communication.

Maybe she has accepted and now wants to move on ...and knows you maybe part of child's life. And don't want bad blood.

There is nothing wrong when a betrayed women is trying to save and protect her family breakage esp if thier their is a child involved .whether she begs/pleads etc..he should have at the very least given her the dignity to have that privacy between them that's the mother of his child .he shared it with you and you sound a bit condescending that she tried .you had an affair with her h.what has she done to you....killed your cat!
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Old 21st September 2017, 9:47 AM   #22
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I understand completely the joy of picking apart the bones of an affair but that's not the topic. This is:

Quote:
I know it shouldn't matter, but i can't help thinking why she decided unblocked me now.

Has anything like this happened to you. Any thoughts?
Hence the directive is assisting in understanding the current actions and moving forward and doing so in a civil and respectful manner. Thanks!
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Old 21st September 2017, 9:52 AM   #23
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I don't know why it matters if he did IVF with his wife, if at one point he wanted to be with her or whatever some people here are talking about. The fact now is he left her, is going through the divorce process and has chosen to be with OP. The rest is history.
True. She has him now, but what people are saying is that the decisions he has made have been poor decisions - they have shown poor judgment and bad character. And this, as they say, is forever...

So yes, you may have "won" this man and your future may be before you... but really think about the kind of man you are about to hitch your wagon too...
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Old 21st September 2017, 9:52 AM   #24
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OP, why she unblocked you is pretty simple. She wanted a window, however brief into your life. If she hasn't done anything to you previously, she likely won't do anything to you now.
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Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 21st September 2017 at 4:55 PM.. Reason: reply to edited post ~T
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Old 21st September 2017, 9:54 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by cocorico View Post
My H was tricked into parenthood he didn't want - that they'd jointly agreed not to do - by his then-W, because she decided to change her mind and not tell him. And because of a sense of duty / obligation to the child he hadn't wanted, he was stuck in a M he increasingly wanted out of. Men - especially men brought up to put others first, always - do weird things out of a sense of duty / obligation - even when it disadvantages themselves very directly. My H should have dumped the xW the minute she pulled that stunt - it would have spared so much heartbreak all round, but he stuck it out because that was what he'd been brought up to do.

Perhaps OP's BF has been similarly raised, and felt it his duty to give the s2bxw her kid, so he could dump hermwith a clear conscience, to his mind. Perhaps he thought, it's not that big a sacrifice, and it will get me off the hook? It might seem "mixed up" to an outsider, but to someone who feels trapped in a situation, it may seem perfectly rational.
Um, these two situations couldn't be more polar opposites.

I might agree if it was one or two attempts at IVF? It was eight. Eight, and they were likely paying thousands out of pocket to do it.

It is exactly why I said this guy needs therapy before he can be trusted to make good decisions.

Come to think of it, your explanation for his behavior makes him sound even worse. He was willing to bring a child into a family that was in chaos, with two unhappy parents just so he could feel good about getting a divorce?

That is just plain disgusting. There is no other word for it. Who does that? Who brings a child into the world because he wants to feel better about getting a divorce? That's got to be about the most selfish things I have ever heard of in my life.

op, this is the kind of warning sign I am referring to. Really think about this.

I'm not surprised his wife was looking at your faebook, There s a potential you could be around her child. She has every right to check up on you.

If you are nervous, I woudl suggest you contact a lawyer and discuss your whole situation with him or her. Find out about all the legal ramifications of your situation, and if you are worried about his bs, tell the attorney that too. They are legal experts and will have helpful advice.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 22nd September 2017 at 1:57 PM.. Reason: off topic ~T
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Old 21st September 2017, 11:37 AM   #26
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They have a 3 years old years old son from IVF. I have no issue to be a good step mom, but I don't think she can let this go. In her mind, I am the person that steal her husband. The reality is that the marriage had been dead years before he met me.

I didn't really check her on social media for over an year. I feel quite secure with MM. especially I know he is making progress to finally divorce her. Although slowly but surely.

I just want this to be done and we can all move on with our life. I just hope as time goes by, she would come to realization that it would be beneficial that she and I have a civil relationship since they have a kid together. I don't need and don't want to be her friends. I am ok to be a step mom, if she doesn't like it, I would be her son's father's GF. I will treat him kindly.

I just hope we can all move on with our life and be in a better place soon.
Then you need to rid of your anger and resentment towards her. Have compassion that she's in pain. Do you and him live together now?

She isn't going to be your friend but she IS part of your lives because of their son.
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Old 21st September 2017, 11:40 AM   #27
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What did she do?
See below posted 4th March 2017
Quote:
Am I crazy for being upset about this
She hates me to guts and think I am the reason he is divorcing her. She has done a lot of nasty/scary thing toward me the past year. She stalked me and sent me random threatening emails text message from different numbers, and even called the human resource of my company which caused quite a stir at work. I had to move out of my own house temporarily after she threatened to come over to do something harmful toward me.

I almost filed a restraining order against her, but I didn't because it my BF has a child with her.
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Old 21st September 2017, 11:55 AM   #28
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Who knows why she unblocked you. Could be a whole litany of things. Doesn't really matter. This doesn't hurt you nor mean anything per se, so try not to stress over it. If MM is getting a divorce from her, just try to understand she is likely hurting. Don't let it affect you. Divorces are hard, especially ones that you don't want.
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Old 21st September 2017, 12:21 PM   #29
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Snakes and cakes ...

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Originally Posted by LGBJUNHAO View Post
They have a 3 years old years old son from IVF.
Oh, Honey.

I have a sneaking suspicion you're being strung along by a cake eater. Someone doesn't put thousands of $s into IVF just to abandon the child only 3 years later. You said he told his wife a year ago that he wants a divorce? So, when this same child was only 2.

Please please please be careful. If you are being taken advantage of by this man he is beyond sick.
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Old 21st September 2017, 2:42 PM   #30
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I know it shouldn't matter, but i can't help thinking why she decided unblocked me now.
I think you already know the answer to this question OP, a person unblocks out of curiosity. You shouldn't worry unless she is actively harassing you, which it sounds like she is not.

As far as the IVF and his character, I have to agree with the other posters about IVF and how expensive it is and all the procedures, you don't go through all that if you don't want a child. I don't buy his story either. Sounds like he is conflict-avoidant like most MM and WS's and doesn't take much responsibility for his actions.

Good luck OP I do think you will need it. Keep your eyes wide open is all I can suggest.
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