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I became the other man and broke apart a family


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 24th September 2017, 7:31 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by BoboFett View Post
The more the fog clears, the more I think it was the right choice.

I guess the biggest red flag for me was how fast she was willing to leave her husband. Another red flag was that she kept pressuring me to define our relationship.

I think sometimes "what if we had something special", but the sobering though is that at some point in the past she loved her husband enough to get married, and to have a child with him, which was a planned decision in their case.

I feel really bad and guilty about the whole thing. I guess it could've been anyone in her case, but it was ME. I feel bad for her, for her husband, and for her child. I guess the irreparable damage to their marriage is already done...

What do I do next?
Many women have exit affairs, it gives them a nice soft landing when they jump off that cliff and end their marriage.
I doubt she will see you as "father and husband material" so once your job is done, she will bin you and go off looking for a man who doesn't think it is OK to sleep with another man's wife behind his back.
Hypocritical yes, but it is often the way it pans out.
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Old 24th September 2017, 8:13 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by BoboFett View Post
The more the fog clears, the more I think it was the right choice.

I guess the biggest red flag for me was how fast she was willing to leave her husband. Another red flag was that she kept pressuring me to define our relationship.

I think sometimes "what if we had something special", but the sobering though is that at some point in the past she loved her husband enough to get married, and to have a child with him, which was a planned decision in their case.

I feel really bad and guilty about the whole thing. I guess it could've been anyone in her case, but it was ME. I feel bad for her, for her husband, and for her child. I guess the irreparable damage to their marriage is already done...

What do I do next?
I don't see why you can't still be there as her friend. You seem to care for her in some way. You don't have to cut her off but you don't need to be there as her rock. Try and find a balance and go from there.

You don't need to have it all figured it out right away. But if you don't want to be involved in any way then don't contact her at all. Just be honest about what you're feeling and what you want with yourself. Then go from there.
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Old 24th September 2017, 8:26 AM   #33
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I don't see why you can't still be there as her friend. You seem to care for her in some way. You don't have to cut her off but you don't need to be there as her rock. Try and find a balance and go from there.

You don't need to have it all figured it out right away. But if you don't want to be involved in any way then don't contact her at all. Just be honest about what you're feeling and what you want with yourself. Then go from there.
He can't be just her friend as he is somewhat emotionally involved and will want "more" but at the same time does not really want to take on her "baggage" and the fallout from her marriage.
Better for him and for her and her child actually too, if he just stays away.
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Old 24th September 2017, 8:38 AM   #34
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He can't be just her friend as he is somewhat emotionally involved and will want "more" but at the same time does not really want to take on her "baggage" and the fallout from her marriage.
Better for him and for her and her child actually too, if he just stays away.
Gotcha. Well if he's not ready to take it all on (understandable) then yes staying away completely is best. Otherwise this will get even more messy and hurtful for everyone involved.
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Old 25th September 2017, 2:31 AM   #35
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Take the job. And anytime someone tries to pressure you into insta relationship, hit reverse in high speed.


Normal healthy people do not act the way she is. She is forcing you to be responsible for her feelings. You can't take a better job because she will be sad?! Who says that. Someone who cares more for themselves than other people.


She is trying desperately to get you on her crazy train. There is nothing but drama ahead for you if you stay connected to her.


Good luck.
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Old 25th September 2017, 12:49 PM   #36
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I am sorry that you had to go through and experience this roller coaster. As hard as it is for now, pulling away from her like you did might be the best option. I also want to say if you ever did get involved, you want to be sure that she has in fact told the husband about you and that it's over between them.

I had a man many years ago who was married chase me, and we were both attracted to each other, I didn't get involved with him. He disappeared and re-entered my life some time later and told me he had divorced. We got together and built a life together and later found out he was still married!
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Old 26th September 2017, 4:40 AM   #37
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I am sorry that you had to go through and experience this roller coaster. As hard as it is for now, pulling away from her like you did might be the best option. I also want to say if you ever did get involved, you want to be sure that she has in fact told the husband about you and that it's over between them.

I had a man many years ago who was married chase me, and we were both attracted to each other, I didn't get involved with him. He disappeared and re-entered my life some time later and told me he had divorced. We got together and built a life together and later found out he was still married!
this man took it to another level.
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Old 26th September 2017, 11:04 AM   #38
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I'm in trouble again. Her husband wrote to every one of my fb friends that i'm stealing his wife and destroying his family. He added me on one of the messangers too, although we didn't have a talk yet. How do I handle this situation? What do I tell the husband?
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Old 26th September 2017, 11:15 AM   #39
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You walk away from this woman and tell him to stop harassing you, or you will file a restraining order.

End this relationship and walk away...
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Old 26th September 2017, 1:02 PM   #40
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Ensure him that you are leaving them alone and walk away. Ask him to stop these awkward tantrums... walk away and dont look back.
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Old 26th September 2017, 1:04 PM   #41
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Originally Posted by BoboFett View Post
I'm in trouble again. Her husband wrote to every one of my fb friends that i'm stealing his wife and destroying his family. He added me on one of the messangers too, although we didn't have a talk yet. How do I handle this situation? What do I tell the husband?
What do you want to tell him. Block him, block her, and get on with your life.
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Old 26th September 2017, 1:16 PM   #42
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Unfortunately this kind of thing can be the side effect of getting involved in someone else's marriage. (Spoken from experience.)

If I were you, I would BLOCK HIM AND HER on every social media, email, phone, etc. If he continues to harass you, you can file a restraining order, but it'd be a lot better not to have to go down that route...that will just worsen and prolong the drama.
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Old 27th September 2017, 3:37 AM   #43
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Originally Posted by BoboFett View Post
I'm in trouble again. Her husband wrote to every one of my fb friends that i'm stealing his wife and destroying his family. He added me on one of the messangers too, although we didn't have a talk yet. How do I handle this situation? What do I tell the husband?

the same thing she told you:


Later this evening she wrote me that she talked to her husband about me, he understood and that she and her child will live on their own.

i'd reply to all, "it's not true and your post is not helping, anyone, take it down".
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Old 27th September 2017, 8:16 AM   #44
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Based on everything that BoboFett has written here, I have the distinct impression that this MW created this elaborate scene to get her husband to take some kind of action. If true, the OP, meant to be a soft landing if her husband responded by kicking her out, got caught in the crossfire.
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Old 29th September 2017, 6:44 AM   #45
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you've been manipulated. "Like" is different from love.
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