so i was the other woman this summer

[Jenny68]

hey i'm in 31 almost 32, and he is 32. we met when i was 13 and he was 14 in 1999 so we have been friends for almost 18 years. we have always been very close. we dated for about a month in high school, well... i was 17 and he was 18 it was the summer before my senior yr and his summer before his freshman year of college so we decided to stay friends since he was starting school, but he betrayed me because he had sex with one my friends from hs. i was a virgin at the time. then again when i was 19 and he was 20 he asked me out again but i said i wasnt sure and a week later i finally told him yes only to find out he had found someone else. we stayed friends, i dated guys in college and in my 20s.. he eventually met someone else at age 22 and got married. i was invited to the wedding... i didnt have feelings for him at this time... we hungout all the time though. his wife knew me as the childhood best friend so i was allowed at his place and even stayed the night a few times. so, this summer we started talking over text a lot, hanging out etc. the only thing is he wanted to have sex and i wasnt sure about it but in july we did. we had sex at a hotel where we paid for a room but left at the end of night because he couldnt stay, obviously. we decided to stay friends... i thought, but he ended up confessing feelings for me. eventually he said he loved me and we met up at a hotel again just a few weeks ago. while we were there he said he was in love with me, and that i was someone who helped him get over depression and getting up in the morning. i told him i loved him too... i got lost in these feelings. he continued to text me and started saying i love you before ending our convos. he said he wanted to go to a hotel again but only this time he would spend the night. anyways it got weird because one night he said hey i wanna make sure if we talk about personal stuff pertaining to us than do it over the phone not text in case his wife went thru his phone. i said okay, but he keeps mentioning delaying our meet up. and i also had a pregnancy scare... he came over and we weighed our options. i took a test and i wasnt... im not, but he said he was in love with me... etc. lately though hes saying he wants to put off the meet up. and i know its probably because he doesnt want to do it anymore, the last time i spoke with him he ended with "were more than friends at this point" and "i love you, goodnight, ill text you tomorrow" i said i love you too, but sure enough three days later and no call no text. hes most likely playing house with his wife this weekend. it feels as if hes pulling away after he had been into me for so long. also - my friend went on her facebook and pretended to be a girl to hook up with him and he asked about her sex life and what she looked like. so what do i do? honestly, because i want to end this... but he said he loved me. am i just sex on the side? i mean i know im the other woman but im pissed he even entertained the thought of meeting another woman even if she was fake ugh i never thought i would end up in a situation like this: i always judged people who did, but sometimes it just happens and once you are lost in it, it can be hard to know what to do

[DKT3]

No, it never just happens, you actively pursued this, or it would not have happened. You are responsible for this situation.

 

With that said, given your history of dating I would bet you're not just sex. However, since he cheated on you then with you, I'm surprised you are shocked he would be luring other women into bed.

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Edited September 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[aileD]

First: This doesn't matter:

 

we met when i was 13 and he was 14 in 1999 so we have been friends for almost 18 years.

 

You're not the one he married, it doesn't matter if you knew him since birth and dated him forever. He MARRIED someone else.

 

If you WERE married to him, how would you feel about some other girl doing what you're doing to your HUSBAND?.

 

Ship sailed. There's nothing but disaster here and you are demoralizing yourself

 

 

Find a single guy

[stillafool]

hey i'm in 31 almost 32, and he is 32. we met when i was 13 and he was 14 in 1999 so we have been friends for almost 18 years. we have always been very close. we dated for about a month in high school, well... i was 17 and he was 18 it was the summer before my senior yr and his summer before his freshman year of college so we decided to stay friends since he was starting school, but he betrayed me because he had sex with one my friends from hs. i was a virgin at the time. then again when i was 19 and he was 20 he asked me out again but i said i wasnt sure and a week later i finally told him yes only to find out he had found someone else. we stayed friends, i dated guys in college and in my 20s.. he eventually met someone else at age 22 and got married. i was invited to the wedding... i didnt have feelings for him at this time... we hungout all the time though. his wife knew me as the childhood best friend so i was allowed at his place and even stayed the night a few times. so, this summer we started talking over text a lot, hanging out etc. the only thing is he wanted to have sex and i wasnt sure about it but in july we did. we had sex at a hotel where we paid for a room but left at the end of night because he couldnt stay, obviously. we decided to stay friends... i thought, but he ended up confessing feelings for me. eventually he said he loved me and we met up at a hotel again just a few weeks ago. while we were there he said he was in love with me, and that i was someone who helped him get over depression and getting up in the morning. i told him i loved him too... i got lost in these feelings. he continued to text me and started saying i love you before ending our convos. he said he wanted to go to a hotel again but only this time he would spend the night. anyways it got weird because one night he said hey i wanna make sure if we talk about personal stuff pertaining to us than do it over the phone not text in case his wife went thru his phone. i said okay, but he keeps mentioning delaying our meet up. and i also had a pregnancy scare... he came over and we weighed our options. i took a test and i wasnt... im not, but he said he was in love with me... etc. lately though hes saying he wants to put off the meet up. and i know its probably because he doesnt want to do it anymore, the last time i spoke with him he ended with "were more than friends at this point" and "i love you, goodnight, ill text you tomorrow" i said i love you too, but sure enough three days later and no call no text. hes most likely playing house with his wife this weekend. it feels as if hes pulling away after he had been into me for so long. also - my friend went on her facebook and pretended to be a girl to hook up with him and he asked about her sex life and what she looked like. so what do i do? honestly, because i want to end this... but he said he loved me. am i just sex on the side? i mean i know im the other woman but im pissed he even entertained the thought of meeting another woman even if she was fake ugh i never thought i would end up in a situation like this: i always judged people who did, but sometimes it just happens and once you are lost in it, it can be hard to know what to do

 

I think you knew exactly what you were doing and were not innocent one bit. Yes he was lying and only looking for extrea sex. If he were in love with you he would be making preparations to leave his wife not trying to hide messages from you that would upset her.

[georgia girl]

In my opinion only, the pregnancy scare scared him off. I think he woke up to what he was doing and now he's trying to give you the blowoff without making you too angry so you don't tell his wife.

 

This guy isn't a friend and neither is he your long, lost love. He's an opportunist and so we're you - you knew he was married and didn't care because you wanted him. Now, he wants out and you are allowing yourself to pine for some fantasy of star-crossed long, lost lovers which isn't true.

 

He is simply a man and not a very good one. Leave him alone, heal and spend some time alone to ask yourself why you would knowingly cheat with a married man and what it says about your choices. When you are ready, start dating again but set some serious boundaries - no married guys, no guys who pressure you into sex, no guy who isn't prepared to date you properly and openly.

 

You get one life. This time in your life only comes once. Youth is gone before you know it. Honor that time and who you are and what you really want out of life.

[eternally_confused]

Ok to give you a guys perspective... I'm a married man and I'm also in love with a married woman. It ****ing sucks these feelings, you know? To feel you don't love your partner anymore but keep going because not having the guts to end a marriage, it's such an empty life.

 

But this other woman, I see love in her. I'm not playing. If I had the chance to be with her, I would definitely not be seeking yet any other women, because I love her so.

[road]

He dated you

 

He the cheated on you

 

He dumped you

 

He asked to date you again where you

were smart and turned him down

 

However you were not smart enough

to NC him.

 

Then you did his BW dirty.

 

This find you man has had two affairs.

There could be more affairs and probably

are but we just do not know about them.

 

He is not special

 

OP what label would you put on yourself?

 

Not to late to change the person who you

are.

Edited September 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[stillafool]

Ok to give you a guys perspective... I'm a married man and I'm also in love with a married woman. It ****ing sucks these feelings, you know? To feel you don't love your partner anymore but keep going because not having the guts to end a marriage, it's such an empty life.

 

But this other woman, I see love in her. I'm not playing. If I had the chance to be with her, I would definitely not be seeking yet any other women, because I love her so.

 

You do have a chance. You aren't in jail, are you?

[aileD]

Ok to give you a guys perspective... I'm a married man and I'm also in love with a married woman. It ****ing sucks these feelings, you know? To feel you don't love your partner anymore but keep going because not having the guts to end a marriage, it's such an empty life.

 

But this other woman, I see love in her. I'm not playing. If I had the chance to be with her, I would definitely not be seeking yet any other women, because I love her so.

 

First: you do have the chance. It's called divorce. If you really loved her that much then you'd find the guts to end the marriage

 

Second: I bet you felt the same way about your wife once. But you'll rewrite history to make yourself believe you didn't know love before you cheated on your wife with a woman who cheated on her husband.

Edited September 18, 2017 by aileD