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When NC is not possible


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 20th September 2017, 8:40 PM   #121
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Hbroken...how do you feel knowing that she has someone else? What are you going to do now?
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Old 20th September 2017, 10:37 PM   #122
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Hbroken...how do you feel knowing that she has someone else? What are you going to do now?

kind of liberated...I know that sounds strange....but I do...I feel ok...even good...it somewhat scares me that there maybe another set of negative emotions coming my way but at the mo it feels fine

my anger and resentment and my helplessness about not knowing has gone
I feel I have grieved as I should have
I feel that I have grown out of the process
I feel I have lost my ego and this has been really good

somewhere I was scared that she was free and I was trapped... but now I think I am the one who is free and she is trapped (because she has simply shifted her focus to another relationship and not addressed any of her own issues/pain/grief)...she really wants to be friends (she rang me to tell me this too) which I already see as a betrayal to her new relationship...I am gonna try and minimise contact because it now feels over for me

I am enjoying the new me... I have stopped being fearful...and I was really fearful that she'd find someone new and I wouldn't know how to deal with it but now I know it happened so long ago, I can't understand why I was so fearful...

happy and content with the person I have become from this process and thats about it... hopefully soon I will start addressing my home life... and hopefully that will also see out its natural outcome..not sure what that is...
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Old 20th September 2017, 11:05 PM   #123
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Hbroken - I hope you're doing okay! Sounds like good closure

So interesting that thought of unconditional love. And really... very sweet. That's how I feel about my MM. For me, I'm slowly coming to realize that my MM reminds me a little bit of my wayward father, only a much better, kinder person. I feel the same; I will never wish him harm, I think of him like I think of my child. I want only the best for him.

For this reason - because I care about him like I do my child - the affair should end. Both ways - for him, for me. But anyway, as endings to affairs go, that's beautiful.

More importantly - how are you feeling?
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Old 21st September 2017, 1:03 AM   #124
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Finally some clarity... My OW rang me yesterday and basically told me that she was seeing someone else and this was why she dumped me by text... This is about 2 months after breaking up with her long term bf (who was giving her a rather tough time) and I think she had already seeing this guy casually before she broke up with me... And this now makes so much more sense which now allows me to move on... Here are the txts she sent me today

I just want to say I'm sorry 😔
I feel bad
I just felt so horrendous back in March/April that I flipped a switch and just needed to not think about any stress or any of the crap
And I feel bad about moving on so quickly but I just wanted some uncomplicated attention, distraction. I just wanna be the apple of someone's eye and everything has been so hard and horrible that I just haven't thought of anyone else
Well I have- that's a lie but I just basically try block it out



:-) mwa... It's ok you know... You have a right to want to be loved and feel free.. You are only human... There's really nothing to feel bad about... I am happy for you.. I am happy that you have found love and courage and a new happier loving life... You know that there is something I never knew I was capable of until I met you and that was this idea of unconditional love... To love someone without any expectation or reciprocation...its a really hard thing to do but I think that's how I feel about you... I have loved you unconditionally and I suppose the greatest form of love is to be able to set someone free..



Thank you. 😚

I mean it's early days I'm just comfortable and it's nice- and it may well not pan out but its uncomplicated (even with a 200 mile gap)
Anyway I miss you loads, as a friend as much as anything

Hope you have a good day.
This is really nice and sweet. But you two are going to miss each other long time.
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Old 21st September 2017, 1:39 AM   #125
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Will you go NC at this point? What if your xAP's relationship doesn't work out and she contacts you again will you respond?
Oh course he will because he wrote this winner
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I never knew I was capable of until I met you and that was this idea of unconditional love... To love someone without any expectation or reciprocation...its a really hard thing to do but I think that's how I feel about you... I have loved you unconditionally and I suppose the greatest form of love is to be able to set someone free
Labelling yourself as some kind of martyr for love..notice they both did that..her (basically cheating on two guys then dumping them for a third) and him cheating on his wife and finding this great unconditional love..who then cheated and dumped him..

They both left it open ended, so yes the martyr of true love and the woman just wanting her prince will cheat again.
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Old 21st September 2017, 4:39 AM   #126
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Yes, you got a closure... some relief.

If this is where it ends, all of it.. its good for you AND YOUR FAMILY. Else if you and your AP are 'taking a break' with no bridges burnt and keeping each other for future fallbacks, I rest my case here.

And.... please dont use a lot of 'true love' or 'exceptional love' as much because someone else is paying for your true love... it doesnt work like that...

Good luck.

Last edited by freengreen; 21st September 2017 at 4:41 AM..
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Old 21st September 2017, 1:28 PM   #127
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somewhere I was scared that she was free and I was trapped... but now I think I am the one who is free and she is trapped (because she has simply shifted her focus to another relationship and not addressed any of her own issues/pain/grief)...she really wants to be friends (she rang me to tell me this too) which I already see as a betrayal to her new relationship...I am gonna try and minimise contact because it now feels over for me
The reason she focused her energy on another relationship is because you were not free to be with her, she did what she thought was healthy for her, but I agree that her wanting to continue a friendship with you is deceitful on her part unless boyfriend knows about you. Why do you pick up the phone when you are supposedly Low Contact? How is this going to help you focus on your recovery or your M?
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Old 26th September 2017, 1:51 PM   #128
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The reason she focused her energy on another relationship is because you were not free to be with her, she did what she thought was healthy for her, but I agree that her wanting to continue a friendship with you is deceitful on her part unless boyfriend knows about you. Why do you pick up the phone when you are supposedly Low Contact? How is this going to help you focus on your recovery or your M?
I have blocked her. I can see now how this feels like a car crash waiting to happen
The whole situation is so messed up in so many ways:

She was cheating on her long term bf of 6 years (and has known him 17 years) with me for 5 of those years

She breaks up with him and jumps into a new relationship within 2 months - she tells him this and complains that he was horrible to her about it (what would you expect!)

she breaks up with me and jumps into the new relationship within 24 hours (and doesn't even tell me that this was the reason when I asked her 3 months after break up - a few days later she rings to express her guilt!)

Her new bf is 200 miles away so she sees him at the weekends but she still goes to see her ex bf and works at the same place as me

she tells me that she feels she has betrayed me but needed something to make her feel better about herself and distract her....I can't see how rebounding can be healthy!

she tells me she really wants to be friends with me!!!!


I have blocked her and avoid any contact whatsoever now
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