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What does this MM want ?


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I've know someone for a while as a friend.Months ago he was separated from his wife (her decision) and he pursued me. It was more of an emotional thing. There was some physical stuff, but we did not sleep together. Anyway , this lasted about 6 wks. I started developing feelings for him. He reconciled with his wife and I told him that I am not getting involved with a married man. He got rid of my contact info. And said he told his wife knew and he didn't mean to hurt me and apologized. He seemed genuinely sorry. It took a few months to not be upset about it. It still stings. Anyway, it seems like the air has cleared and he's been flirting like crazy and I've tried to keep my distance. One occasion I flirted back a lot but felt horrible after. I don't want to be involved in that. Why is he coming around and doing this then being so distant. I know it's better that way to be away but I work with him and it still hurts to see him. He's flirty and comes on strong then acts like he could care less. What does he want from me?

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somuchfortheone
Posted about this before ...

 

I've know someone for a while as a friend.Months ago he was separated from his wife (her decision) and he pursued me. It was more of an emotional thing. There was some physical stuff, but we did not sleep together. Anyway , this lasted about 6 wks. I started developing feelings for him. He reconciled with his wife and I told him that I am not getting involved with a married man. He got rid of my contact info. And said he told his wife knew and he didn't mean to hurt me and apologized. He seemed genuinely sorry. It took a few months to not be upset about it. It still stings. Anyway, it seems like the air has cleared and he's been flirting like crazy and I've tried to keep my distance. One occasion I flirted back a lot but felt horrible after. I don't want to be involved in that. Why is he coming around and doing this then being so distant. I know it's better that way to be away but I work with him and it still hurts to see him. He's flirty and comes on strong then acts like he could care less. What does he want from me?

 

 

One word: Attention

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You know what he wants. He wants the excitement of trying to bag you. And you're liking the attention already so be careful. This stuff goes bad really quickly.

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MidnightBlue1980
What does he want from me?

 

To use you to hurt his wife and soothe his ego over his wife wanting a separation and then taking him back.

 

Don't be used.

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Anyone who is interested in a spouse who cheats sets the bar low for themselves. Two male and one female friend married people they started dating when their partners were cheating. Guess what, they got cheated on too. Seems that you are desperate for any attention you can get no matter who you hurt or how sleazy the man.

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whichwayisup
Posted about this before ...

 

I've know someone for a while as a friend.Months ago he was separated from his wife (her decision) and he pursued me. It was more of an emotional thing. There was some physical stuff, but we did not sleep together. Anyway , this lasted about 6 wks. I started developing feelings for him. He reconciled with his wife and I told him that I am not getting involved with a married man. He got rid of my contact info. And said he told his wife knew and he didn't mean to hurt me and apologized. He seemed genuinely sorry. It took a few months to not be upset about it. It still stings. Anyway, it seems like the air has cleared and he's been flirting like crazy and I've tried to keep my distance. One occasion I flirted back a lot but felt horrible after. I don't want to be involved in that. Why is he coming around and doing this then being so distant. I know it's better that way to be away but I work with him and it still hurts to see him. He's flirty and comes on strong then acts like he could care less. What does he want from me?

 

Don't try to figure it out. You've been down this road before, best thing to try to do is cut him out of your life. Stop talking to him, he isn't your friend. Keep it professional and that's it. He isn't available on any level! Focus on your true and real friends, not some married guy who is looking for an ego feed.

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Why bother feeding his ego? He is STILL

Married!

 

Say that out loud anytime he tries to communicate.

 

Act as if he's invisible.

 

Date only available men.

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What does he want from me?

 

Hi (((Bbz106)))

 

Hope you are OK today.

 

I am an MM who had an affair and I would suggest that he wants fun, excitement, ego kicks and potentially great sex. He essentially wants a fantasy escape from what sounds like a dysfunctional marriage, which has likely been mundane and broken for a while. His behaviour towards you is worrying. He is testing the water and playing with you to see how far he can push the limits, then he'll pull away and see if that gets a reaction. This is manipulative in my opinion. Red flags.

 

I am guessing that the last thing he wants right now is another serious relationship after all the cr*p he is going through in his marriage. He wants fun and escapism. The minute it gets heavy, stressful or he feels you are putting pressure on him or making expectations, he'll likely walk away, even if he develops feelings for you, which he might - as I did.

 

Take it form a former MM, do a 180 and don't look back. Trouble lies ahead. Protect your tender heart.

 

Good luck x

Edited by jenkins95
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I've been doing the same just walking by or seeing him come my way and not saying hello to him. I don't know if he started this because he thought I did. I don't want to be a complete b#%# to him, but sometimes I don't want to say anything. We got along very well before all this and it sucks that it's got to be like this. I'm just going to ignore him pretty much. Nothing more than a hello. I need to stop worrying about what he thinks of me. do you think this is the best option? Thank you!

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He wants you as more than a friend, or a colleague. He isn't going to stop until he gets it. If you don't want to start anything, ignoring is good.

Edited by Sarcasm
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I've been doing the same just walking by or seeing him come my way and not saying hello to him. I don't know if he started this because he thought I did. I don't want to be a complete b#%# to him, but sometimes I don't want to say anything. We got along very well before all this and it sucks that it's got to be like this. I'm just going to ignore him pretty much. Nothing more than a hello. I need to stop worrying about what he thinks of me. do you think this is the best option? Thank you!

 

There's no chance of it going back to where it was. Once an A happens, you can't just go back to being friends/friendly. Put that out of your head.

 

Your options are - Quit your job, ask for transfer if possible, or just ignore him. He isn't in your life anymore and honestly, who cares if you're bitchy to him? Ignoring him isn't bitchy, it's putting YOU first and not engaging conversation or anything with him. Who cares if he feels hurt or uncomfortable by you going about your day without acknowledging him! He's a grown man and he KNOWS NC is in place.

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