PurpleClover Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 we were high school sweetheart and best friends... I left him because his mother was destroying his life and I needed to run away. 13 years later his grandmother died (I absolutely love her). I gave condolences on his page after ignoring him on social media whenever he would engage since I left him. We started talking the next day, reminiscing and it quickly turned into I still love yous. I have been struggling with the fact that he is engaged (even though he says she's a cheating alcoholic –I'm not an eye-for-an-eye kind of person). I have been open with this struggle a couple of times. One night I got so confused that I gave him my "I can't handle this" and my "I will always love you" statement then deleted him from my Facebook (we use messenger to talk). But I called him the next day (I'm a mess, I know). I questioned him about his hopes/plans for his future. He told me his relationship was dissolving. She wants to move home (out of state) and neither of them are happy. I said I wasn't sure how to go about our situation and he suggested he give me time to deal with my guilt and he will call me in a couple of days... he texted on the first day "... it is difficult." then on the second "... I miss you." On the third day I texted him "I'm kinda over this avoiding contact thing... your thoughts?" and he has not replied... My questions are do I need to give HIM time? Did I hurt him? Would it be totally irrational to contact him if he doesn't contact me? As a note: I am so guilty of the push and pull I have done to him. His mother used to disown him and shut him out of her life then reel him back in with sweet sentiments and gifts every chance she could throughout his youth and possibly into adulthood... I do believe he loves me, but he did specify at one time that he would never intentionally ignore me, so I'm really torn here. Sorry its so long, Im new, lol. Not sure how this forum stuff works. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 He is engaged and whilst he may have rolled out the negatives to get the sympathy vote from you, he may not actually be that unhappy and may not want to leave his fiancée. It is easy to get back into the nostalgic ILY state with old flames but the reality of rekindling a relationship is often more difficult to achieve with the complications of real life adding to the mix. You have landed unexpectedly in his life and now you expect him to drop everything for some women who dumped him and no doubt caused him a lot of pain 13 years ago How can he trust you? He has gone quiet and that is probably for the best. he has a fiancée so leave him be. If he manages to sort himself out and he wants you, he will call. He is grieving his grandmother and it sounds like he has enough on his plate, he doesn't need some woman he knew 13 years ago, playing push/pull with him. I guess he had enough of that with his mother. BUT be wary, he may want to play push pull with you too. Children learn a lot about human behaviour from parents, he may not be above playing such games with you. He pulled you in and now he has gone cold. His gf may now be an alcoholic in response to him messing her up... I say. stay away. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 Do not contact him or respond to contact from him until you know he's single. If he sends you another message or gives you a call while still officially with his fiancee, ignore it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 25, 2017 Share Posted August 25, 2017 Yes, you need to give him time... Time to decide whether he wants to marry this woman, or not. And, if he decides to stay with her then you need to walk away and stop this flirtation... end of story. If he decides to leave the "cheating alcoholic" which - let's be honest here, if she really was a cheating alcoholic, do you you think he'd still be considering marriage - then you may have a chance. But given your history, I would say be careful... It sounds like you've had a pretty unhealthy relationship together. I personally, would walk away and move on with my life... Link to post Share on other sites
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