lexyrose814 Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 (edited) Hi, My situation isn't complicated, my head is just spinning and i feel confused as to why he would go about this the way he did. For the past 4 months or so, there's been a growing flirtation with a barista at Starbucks. I wondered if he liked me, if he was single, should i give him my number...all the typical thoughts when you like a guy. Anyway, I finally realized this guy likes me! Last week he and I were chatting about his camping trip and I told him how I would like to get out of town, but I sure couldn't go camping alone, that i would probably just fly out to visit my family. He then replied that he'd love to go camping with me, just name the day. So we just stood there staring and I said ok, if you're serious, sounds fun! He said he was serious. So I gave him my number and he told me he would call me when he finished work. I was excited, thinking yay! we're finally going out. he sent me a text that evening telling me (suddenly he starts calling me "babygirl"), that he was headed to the 2nd of his 3rd jobs but that he could't wait to get together with me asap. I replied i was looking forward to it to. about 5 days pass and i get a text from him early in the morning, calling me babygirl saying that first of all he thought i was sexy as f*&%! , but that he needed to be upfront and that he had been separated for 6 months but his kids wanted him to move back in so he made the move to try and fix what went wrong. he hoped that i still wanted to be friends but he would understand if i didn;t want to. that he wished we got the chance to get something going and that hopefully he would see me soon. i was calm when i replied. thanked him for being upfront with me, wished him good luck with everything. that i don't think he and i could be friend friends, but maybe one day you never know. ( i was referring to friendship). He replied, with a laugh and said you never know, but i cant ask you to wait. then added a little winky face and smile( i guess he thought i was referring to his marriage) WHY DID HE OFFER TO TAKE ME CAMPING, WHEN I'M SURE BY THAT POINT HE HAD ALREADY DECIDED TO MOVE HOME, OR PROBABLY IS ALREADY THERE. WHY EVEN BOTHER SAYING ALL THAT RIDICULOUS STUFF IN HIS TEXT. I didn't need to know any of that. At least that's how i feel. So nothing happened, nothing is going to happen, but i do feel confused. That's how you act when you are fixing things at home?I'm going to go to Starbucks and just act normal when i see him. Thanks for reading. Edited August 5, 2017 by lexyrose814 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 He probably is not separated at all, got caught up in the moment and in his fantasy world thought maybe he actually could take you camping, the once reality set in he realized there's no way he could actually pull it off. Obviously, you dodged a bullet . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 Some men flirt and they enjoy the attention they're getting. That's how As develop. In your case, he stopped it early, or at least told you the truth because now the ball is in your court - he seems like he can take it or leave it. If you go for it now, he'll be game, if not, that's ok, too. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 That would certainly send you for a whirl! It sounds like he just used you to prop up his ego and had no real intention of going out with you, he just wanted to flirt and reassure himself that he still got it. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 And his "kids" excuse ....... is probably only because he wants to keep you on the back burner. Can't blame him for going back for the kids' sake, right? That's at least what he's thinking........he probably was never "really" separated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexyrose814 Posted August 5, 2017 Author Share Posted August 5, 2017 Some men flirt and they enjoy the attention they're getting. That's how As develop. In your case, he stopped it early, or at least told you the truth because now the ball is in your court - he seems like he can take it or leave it. If you go for it now, he'll be game, if not, that's ok, too. Do you think it would give him the wrong impression if i go back into the coffee shop? my friend tells me to completely avoid him because he's up to no good even though he told me the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexyrose814 Posted August 5, 2017 Author Share Posted August 5, 2017 That would certainly send you for a whirl! It sounds like he just used you to prop up his ego and had no real intention of going out with you, he just wanted to flirt and reassure himself that he still got it. thanks. maybe. he does like me though! i do know that much. but i just wish he would've just told me during the camping conversation he was married. that would've just cleared all the air up and i would've gone my merry way, feeling a little awkward, but at least i knew he wasn't single. why bother to lead me to think you're even single then drop that bomb simultaneously expressing all that other stuff. i felt like he;s trying to lure me in or back burner me or something. very confused because at the same time he put the brakes on it. lol. thanks for all your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 If that's your regular coffee shop - go back. Why not? Just be chill and neutral. You did nothing wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 Why didn't you ask if he was married? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexyrose814 Posted August 6, 2017 Author Share Posted August 6, 2017 Why didn't you ask if he was married? I figured relationship status would come up in our conversations eventually. that's the way it usually happens. a mention of a wife or girlfriend always come up! that's been my experience anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 Could be a lure, testing boundaries. Now he knows you're attracted, he let you know his status, wants to still be friends and if he's manipulative enough and you were easily manipulable, could take it from there to an A without having to hide his status from you. I think it's good advice to stay away from him, although now he has your phone number (mine was very good at manipulating me through text messages). Can you find a different Starbucks? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexyrose814 Posted August 6, 2017 Author Share Posted August 6, 2017 (edited) Could be a lure, testing boundaries. Now he knows you're attracted, he let you know his status, wants to still be friends and if he's manipulative enough and you were easily manipulable, could take it from there to an A without having to hide his status from you. I think it's good advice to stay away from him, although now he has your phone number (mine was very good at manipulating me through text messages). Can you find a different Starbucks? No other Starbucks around, but there is a Peets coffee that is nearby. This forum has been a lifesaver, I really appreciate the insight i've gotten. I'll go in next week to get coffee like I typically do, and just act as normal as possible. but no more flirting! Not sure if he is manipulative or just acting on impulse. I don't think he'll text or anything. I don't know what being friends could possibly mean when we both have acknowledged an attraction. I don't get it. So he won't text. Edited August 6, 2017 by lexyrose814 Link to post Share on other sites
Overtaxed Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 I figured relationship status would come up in our conversations eventually. that's the way it usually happens. a mention of a wife or girlfriend always come up! that's been my experience anyway. LOL. Yeah, men who are looking to cheat, that's never going to happen. In fact, you not asking about his relationship status, probably made him think "she know's I'm in a relationship, but she doesn't want to talk about it because she's down to have an A with me". Men who don't want an A, yes, they will tell you about their W's. Men who do, they won't. So ask. Because otherwise, you'll come off as someone who's looking to be the woman on the side, something men are often searching for and highly value, but, if that's not the case, then you need to stop sending that signal! Link to post Share on other sites
zanwalk Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 I figured relationship status would come up in our conversations eventually. that's the way it usually happens. a mention of a wife or girlfriend always come up! that's been my experience anyway. My feeling about this is that you were unwise in agreeing to go camping with him before you had even had a chance to get to know him properly. A first 'normal' sort of date where you met up for coffee or a drink and where you could have found out more about each other would have been much more sensible I feel. You can't be too careful really as there are plenty of men out there looking for another woman who is available for an affair. Perhaps you can use this experience as a warning before you jump into a relationship next time. Men are very good at telling you what you want to hear rather than the whole truth, take care out there! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexyrose814 Posted August 7, 2017 Author Share Posted August 7, 2017 My feeling about this is that you were unwise in agreeing to go camping with him before you had even had a chance to get to know him properly. A first 'normal' sort of date where you met up for coffee or a drink and where you could have found out more about each other would have been much more sensible I feel. You can't be too careful really as there are plenty of men out there looking for another woman who is available for an affair. Perhaps you can use this experience as a warning before you jump into a relationship next time. Men are very good at telling you what you want to hear rather than the whole truth, take care out there! Ha. i agree with you about the camping as a first date. At the time i thought the camping suggestion was just a way for him to let me know he was interested and that we would probably end up having drinks or dinner way before the actual camping trip happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexyrose814 Posted August 7, 2017 Author Share Posted August 7, 2017 LOL. Yeah, men who are looking to cheat, that's never going to happen. In fact, you not asking about his relationship status, probably made him think "she know's I'm in a relationship, but she doesn't want to talk about it because she's down to have an A with me". Men who don't want an A, yes, they will tell you about their W's. Men who do, they won't. So ask. Because otherwise, you'll come off as someone who's looking to be the woman on the side, something men are often searching for and highly value, but, if that's not the case, then you need to stop sending that signal! There's absolutely no way I would have known he was in a relationship already. You're right, i should've asked and when he mentioned his camping trip in my mind i thought that was the time he'd mention anyone else and i was about to find out if he was available. but he declined to tell me and i should've just asked. LESSON LEARNED Link to post Share on other sites
zanwalk Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 There's absolutely no way I would have known he was in a relationship already. You're right, i should've asked and when he mentioned his camping trip in my mind i thought that was the time he'd mention anyone else and i was about to find out if he was available. but he declined to tell me and i should've just asked. LESSON LEARNED Good for you! Always in any case be extra cautious if a guy tells you he is separated, if you read a few threads on this site you will quickly realise how many guys will say that and they are either not separated, or if they are, are sometimes going to and fro with the ex. Find a guy who is genuinely single! Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 If that's your regular coffeeshop, there is no reason that you shouldn't go there. You should also block him, so he can't contact you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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