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Struggling to find the truth


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 18th July 2017, 11:14 AM   #46
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IMO, every life experience has value. Met a lot of MW's over the decades, and people in general, loved a few, and the experiences shared and lessons learned are part of the fabric of life and who I am now. Way down the road, if we're lucky, all we have is memories so live life, learn and enjoy it. It's over way too soon.
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Old 18th July 2017, 11:29 AM   #47
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Absolutely! There were a lot of good times. But so much anguish too. And even the good times were so selfish.

Scout -- you're going to be okay. You'll get through this. And, believe it or not, you'll be so much stronger because of it.
I guess I just feel like I've been through this before. I should have told him off before. Now he gets to go on with his happy family and career and discard me like trash.
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Old 18th July 2017, 11:32 AM   #48
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Why did keep going back, rumble fish?
Good question. It leaves me shaking my head. I'm sure there are a lot of us on here who feel the same way. It is the nature of the beast, but that's not really an answer. I'm weak, for one. I liked the way she made me feel. I liked the way I made her feel. I cared about her. Or is it just plain addiction? She would get really mad about that, the notion that this was addiction/brain chemistry. Like a lot of these relationships, she used to say that we were fated together, over multiple lives. This wasn't our first time together and her hope was in some future life that we'd be dealt a better hand. Given the NC this time around was somewhat mutual, and less ceremonious that in the past, I wonder if she still believes that. I wonder when I will stop wondering about her.
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Old 18th July 2017, 11:44 AM   #49
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I know I've been posting a lot, but having a hard time today (as rumble fish predicted!). I'm not so much remembering the good times, but the pain MM has caused me and his seemingly indifferent attitude to me despite claims to the contrary. Makes me think he was just a liar and I wish I had never met him. Do you ever feel that way?
The book "The Power of Now" helped me a lot. Confusing, but helped.

Also google Noah Elkrief (sp?). He has videos on thoughts and emotions, which are very helpful. I'm reading his book right now. It's very good.

Exercise: walk, keep busy, just take a moment at a time. Do things you love, even do things you don't love: when I feel myself over thinking, I make myself go clean out a cupboard or something.

I promise you it gets easier, but you have to stay focused. Journaling helps me a lot. Don't try to push down the feelings, just get to the root of the thoughts that are causing the feelings and try to change those. It's not easy for me because my brain likes to obsess and ruminate, but I am working hard at it.

And yes. I wish I never met him. But now I look at it as an experience that I'm learning and growing from. I'm learning a lot about myself and how I want to be a better person.
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Old 18th July 2017, 12:17 PM   #50
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This is almost everyone's mystery question here... why?
In the affair, you dont get REAL chances of prooving love I think. All REAL and serious issues will be dealt with the family like serious illness or hospitalisation or kid's schooling issues or bills.

All affair gives you are chances like giving teddy bears or throwing sweet words or dining oppurtunites...true love and respect needs to be tested in REAL senarios. I have kept obsessively wondering over this question for months now and I stopped because as George Ezra says ' It dont matter now'... I am moving forward and I dont need this particular question sorted because its stopping me from my REAL quests and happiness.

You will one day realise the same, hopefully sooner.
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Old 18th July 2017, 1:27 PM   #51
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Sometimes out of anger, frustration and exhaustion I have said I wish I never met MM but I've never actually meant it. What he and I share is great, real and special. In him I have someone who would run to me if i needed him to. Someone who genuinely cares for me and my well-being despite our "situation".

What I do wish is that I had met him earlier or under different circumstances. But having him in my life, as difficult as it has been sometimes, has been great and I could never regret meeting him.
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Old 18th July 2017, 2:50 PM   #52
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Sometimes out of anger, frustration and exhaustion I have said I wish I never met MM but I've never actually meant it. What he and I share is great, real and special. In him I have someone who would run to me if i needed him to. Someone who genuinely cares for me and my well-being despite our "situation".

What I do wish is that I had met him earlier or under different circumstances. But having him in my life, as difficult as it has been sometimes, has been great and I could never regret meeting him.
Lost girl - well it sounds like your mm really cares about you. I guess I will never know!
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Old 18th July 2017, 4:08 PM   #53
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Makes me think he was just a liar and I wish I had never met him. Do you ever feel that way?
Occassionally.....but overall no.
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Old 20th July 2017, 11:54 AM   #54
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When does the anger subside?

I think MM thinks we are on good terms and are "friends" but I feel angry. There are so many things I want to say about how he treated me. When will I stop feeling angry? It will be three weeks since our last text conversation. We've gone longer before, but I've never stopped being angry.
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Old 20th July 2017, 4:28 PM   #55
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I think MM thinks we are on good terms and are "friends" but I feel angry. There are so many things I want to say about how he treated me. When will I stop feeling angry? It will be three weeks since our last text conversation. We've gone longer before, but I've never stopped being angry.
When will you stop feeling angry? You will stop when you stop everyone grieves and moves at different paces.

What will help you? When you start taking care of yourself. Looking at yourself. Seeing the choices and decisions you made and working on those. The anger will subside or lessen. Along with the other feelings.
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Old 21st July 2017, 4:03 PM   #56
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Give me strength! Almost 3 weeks NC

Tomorrow will be three weeks since last contact, not that I'm counting.
We never specifically said NC, but I refuse to reach out first. Anyway, I'm hoping it jets easier. We went 3 months once before.
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Old 21st July 2017, 5:33 PM   #57
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Tomorrow will be three weeks since last contact, not that I'm counting.
We never specifically said NC, but I refuse to reach out first. Anyway, I'm hoping it jets easier. We went 3 months once before.
Scout -- it gets easier, then hard, then easier. But the rollercoaster tends in the easier direction. There will be low points. I'm having one today.

It's funny because I always here the AP saying, I wonder if he still thinks about me. Well, as a the MM AP to my MW AP, I can say emphatically, "YES!" But it doesn't change anything. When you are pining for them in NC, you really really have to ask yourself if you are resolute. The resolve needs to be there because you might get challenged. I've failed the challenge many times, and it has never improved. Don't fail. Hang in there. It gets easier.
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Old 21st July 2017, 5:49 PM   #58
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I feel for you. I once went three months and could barely get out of bed in the morning. It didn't last because I thought hey better to have some of him than none of him. His kisses were that intoxicating. But here I am again. Some things just won't work no matter what you do or how much you try.

Hang in there. I'm sorry for your pain.

Also, good job not actually saying hey we are going to go no contact. I never understood how people could do that. Why let them know what's coming. It just loses its effect. Just cut them off. Nice and sharp. Twist that knife. (I'm currently bitter)

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Old 21st July 2017, 7:03 PM   #59
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I broke and responded to text in the past from my AP.
We would go a month or so NC.
Over and over.

I received a g rated picture of her she must have sent around 1AM the night before. No text with it.
I deleted it without responding. Yeah me!
I was still grumpy all that day and had her on my mind but I'll take the small victory. It does get easier a little bit at a time.
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Old 21st July 2017, 8:35 PM   #60
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i think some do have feeling for ow, then some dont, if if he did have feeling for you your never know
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