girlinNYC Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Hi all, For a while now an older married man who lives interstate has been chasing me. We have never done anything, however he is adamant we have a connection and that I will admit it to myself one day, ugh. I am lacking in the love department lately, and it naturally as a result feels nice/flattering to have someone at least seem interested. I understand though that a married man is not the right kind of interest, and I don't find myself with any feelings. He claims his sex life is stagnant but at the same time says our connection goes beyond sex, yet the original reason he started chatting with me is out of sexual desire? A little transparent if you ask me.. In any conversation we have had I have tried to speak about general topics (life, work, family etc) but he tends to draw things back to sex. Admittedly I have been tempted to message him lately (lack of romance in life) but I haven't as I know it's wrong. Given I'm in love with someone else I don't need the bad karma, ha. Any tips? My mind is all over the place at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Sure, block him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Nothing started yet, and you're having trouble resisting a man you don't want while you're in love with another? I'd love to meet you! Next time I'm in the city! PS, I'm married. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 block him on everything and stop responding. Nothing but heartbreak ahead...especially for the guy you claim to love. Better yet...ask your boyfriend what he thinks. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Hi all, For a while now an older married man who lives interstate has been chasing me. We have never done anything, however he is adamant we have a connection and that I will admit it to myself one day, ugh. I am lacking in the love department lately, and it naturally as a result feels nice/flattering to have someone at least seem interested. I understand though that a married man is not the right kind of interest, and I don't find myself with any feelings. He claims his sex life is stagnant but at the same time says our connection goes beyond sex, yet the original reason he started chatting with me is out of sexual desire? A little transparent if you ask me.. In any conversation we have had I have tried to speak about general topics (life, work, family etc) but he tends to draw things back to sex. Admittedly I have been tempted to message him lately (lack of romance in life) but I haven't as I know it's wrong. Given I'm in love with someone else I don't need the bad karma, ha. Any tips? My mind is all over the place at the moment. Love and respect yourself. Live by strong morals and have boundaries, make one of them be: Don't get involved with a MM and have an affair. It really is easy to make that choice, even more so since you're not interested in him and you say you're in love with someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 If I saw him coming, I would cross the street. Become the other woman with a married man who lacks any boundaries and constantly redirects the conversation back to sex - no way! Why are you even talking to this married man? He has a wife and perhaps children? Do you really want to be complicate in the destruction of a marriage and/or a family? Is there really nobody else that you can date where you live... Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Is this the same guy that you know his sister...the thread in the General forum? Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 block him on everything and stop responding. Nothing but heartbreak ahead...especially for the guy you claim to love. Better yet...ask your boyfriend what he thinks. The guy (i.e. not the married man) isn't my boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 Is this the same guy that you know his sister...the thread in the General forum? No, the married man is separate to the one I love (with the sister) - things are stagnant with him, and it just so happens Mr married man has popped up while I'm missing someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 ok... so the one you love and are thinking about cheating on with a married man... is the brother of your friend you work with. Got it.... so the one you love ....is stagnant...and you are thinking about cheating on him with a married man....but it is complicated because the one you love is also the brother of a friend you work with and she might find out and tell on you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 If I saw him coming, I would cross the street. Become the other woman with a married man who lacks any boundaries and constantly redirects the conversation back to sex - no way! Why are you even talking to this married man? He has a wife and perhaps children? Do you really want to be complicate in the destruction of a marriage and/or a family? Is there really nobody else that you can date where you live... He has children. No, I have no intentions of destroying his family. Ironically he has given me advice about my love interests, and I wouldn't mind keeping a mature relationship going (isn't illegal to be friends with a married person) but he obviously has other plans. There is people I can date, however only one I'm interested in (not him.) Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Given I'm in love with someone else I don't need the bad karma, ha. So, you understand karma? Then you must understand cause and affect. Ask yourself, what is my intent. Who are you in love with? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 ok... so the one you love and are thinking about cheating on with a married man... is the brother of your friend you work with. Got it.... so the one you love ....is stagnant...and you are thinking about cheating on him with a married man....but it is complicated because the one you love is also the brother of a friend you work with and she might find out and tell on you? The one I 'love' is not my boyfriend, technically I have no romantic loyalties to him. No, I'm not planning on cheating with anyone. I'm saying the relationship (whatever it is) is stagnant, and I must be seeking companionship/just someone to talk too wherever. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 The one I 'love' is not my boyfriend, technically I have no romantic loyalties to him. No, I'm not planning on cheating with anyone. I'm saying the relationship (whatever it is) is stagnant, and I must be seeking companionship/just someone to talk too wherever. Didn't you say you love him? Given I'm in love with someone else I don't need the bad karma, ha. I get more confused every post you make. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 So, you understand karma? Then you must understand cause and affect. Ask yourself, what is my intent. Who are you in love with? My intent is to 'feel' desirable again, I know a married man isn't the place to get it as I have never gone there and never will. I feel lonely and it's especially hard when the person I'm actually in love with would ideally be the one I share all of that with. i'm not interested in meeting others when my heart lies with only one person. Things are stagnant with him, and I'm not sure how to ignite that flame. Amidst feeling hopeless about it the married man popped up. Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Is this the same guy that you know his sister...the thread in the General forum?[/quote so confusing.... So, why don't you just ask the guy out, or tell him you're interested? Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 Didn't you say you love him? Given I'm in love with someone else I don't need the bad karma, ha. I get more confused every post you make. Okay.. I am in love with him, but we are currently NOT together. That 'someone else' is not the married man, ergo the one I love. Figured that part was fairly straightforward. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 So, you understand karma? Then you must understand cause and affect. Ask yourself, what is my intent. Who are you in love with?Of course, there's no such thing as karma. If there was, only the bad would die young, rewards would accrue to those who deserved them and penalties would do the same. Over time, things would skew towards the better, and after a few thousand years, you'd think you'd see some results. Our pattern-recognizing, reward-driven brains would identify an approximate formula, and we'd have apps that maximize your good karma. But you don't see any of that. You just see random justice and random injustice, and all over the world, people wonder why. That said, the seeds of kindness you sow will return to you, in gratitude, as will the seeds of injustice and other negative things you sow, in vengeance. Your "predicament" seems easy. Ditch the married dude, tell him you are interested in someone else, and that's where you'll spend your energy. Then, spend your energy there. Use your friendship with your pal to your advantage. It's easy, really. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Okay.. I am in love with him, but we are currently NOT together. That 'someone else' is not the married man, ergo the one I love. Figured that part was fairly straightforward. you love a friends brother...but you are not together. (This part i still dont understand...you are either a couple or you aren't)....You have a married man who is pursuing you...and you just want to feel desirable....so you are considering taking him up on his offer. I get it... Huge mistake Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Amidst feeling hopeless about it the married man popped up. Isn't that interesting, up pops MM. So, he knows you're at your weakest and his answer is sex. He's not your friend. Find someone else to share your secrets with, he doesn't deserve your friendship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 Of course, there's no such thing as karma. If there was, only the bad would die young, rewards would accrue to those who deserved them and penalties would do the same. Over time, things would skew towards the better, and after a few thousand years, you'd think you'd see some results. Our pattern-recognizing, reward-driven brains would identify an approximate formula, and we'd have apps that maximize your good karma. But you don't see any of that. You just see random justice and random injustice, and all over the world, people wonder why. That said, the seeds of kindness you sow will return to you, in gratitude, as will the seeds of injustice and other negative things you sow, in vengeance. Your "predicament" seems easy. Ditch the married dude, tell him you are interested in someone else, and that's where you'll spend your energy. Then, spend your energy there. Use your friendship with your pal to your advantage. It's easy, really. Brilliantly said. I have told the married man about my predicament with person B, he accepts it but still makes general contact here and there. My energy is wholly on person B given thats where my heart lies. I won't be seeing his sister as much as of next week as she is going away, but I will keep the friendship up as much as I can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 you love a friends brother...but you are not together. (This part i still dont understand...you are either a couple or you aren't)....You have a married man who is pursuing you...and you just want to feel desirable....so you are considering taking him up on his offer. I get it... Huge mistake You can love someone without being in a relationship with them, my love for my friend's brother isn't invalid because we aren't currently a couple. I'm not considering the married man's offer as I know how wrong that is, I've only partook in general conversations with him. I guess now I'm just thinking it isn't the right time to feel desired, if only a married man is offering that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 Isn't that interesting, up pops MM. So, he knows you're at your weakest and his answer is sex. He's not your friend. Find someone else to share your secrets with, he doesn't deserve your friendship. In fairness, when he popped up randomly (after years) the other day I hadn't disclosed my longing for someone else. It's almost like he had a secret radar and knew He would pry on my vulnerabilities at the moment and try and play the sex card, I know his type hence why I didn't disclose anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Loneliness is what caused me to fall into the arms of a married man. It was the worst decision without thinking that I ever made. He also pursued me like none other and told me he had never met someone so amazing, etc., which brought me into his little life of lies. They use us as an ego boost and groom us to meet their needs. Find a different outlet for your loneliness. It will save you months, if not years of regret. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 (edited) Hi (((girlinNYC))) Kudos to you for coming here and seeking advice! Well done. I was an MM in an affair once and I never intended to hurt anyone. Months later several lives lay in ruins. Recovery is going well, but what a shame we ever went down that path. The initial spark for my affair was similar to yours - two people who hadn't had much attention lately became intoxicated by feeling desirable to someone else - and once you indulge that a little bit,it quickly becomes an addiction and the addiction quickly becomes all consuming. Please do a 180 on the MM and just keep walking! Please, please, please! Do it for me, do it for us, do it for MMs family, but most of all, do it for you! From your posts I see that you are resisting his advances and are saying the right things. Good for you! I really hope things work out for you with the guy that you love. I haven't read your other posts yet (I intend to) but from the ones on this thread, it seems like the situation is complex and that a realtionship is unlikely?? As you have alluded to, this has made you vulnerable and sad, but don't make things a million times worse by having an A. If it doesn't work out with this guy, the right one will come along - and he won't be wearing a wedding ring. Keep posting! We are here for you. Edited May 24, 2017 by jenkins95 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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