Mizz Layta Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 So this guy who works in different departments at my new job always make eye contact and we say hi to each other in the passing.Last time he came in on my floor I was working on ,in the kitchen looking for cup,we exchanged pleasantries then I went to clear my tables. While I was doing that he came back around again and he made a comment on how it would be nice if I were to receive a tip for my service. I laughed it off and we chat up.Then he was like I will talk to you later.After about 10 minutes he came back again for no reason and we were just talking about general stuff about how long he has working for the company etc.He even followed me in the kitchen and didn't have a reason to be in other than just wanting to talk to me. Then when he was leaving he asked me for my name and said he wanted to look on my name tag but didn't want to be a weird guy staring at my boob.Then he was like I will see you around. In addition today I saw him again while I was leaving the restroom going in the staff room for my break. He was leaving for the day ..we made eye contact and he says have good night and enjoy the rest of your shift. Then after few minutes, he came in in the staff room and we chat for a while. Then I told him that I have to go back to work since my break was done. Then he hands me a pre written number on piece of paper and tells me to text him if I want.I like him so I was flattered Does he have romantic interest ?or is just wanting to be friends? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Sounds good. How about you text him and find out 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Yeah. Sounds interested. Ask around and be sure he's single before you text him. Link to post Share on other sites
Telemachus Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 (edited) Text messages aren't very personal, not compared to in-person contact. He's inviting you to reach out to him in a fairly impersonal way outside work. If you find text messaging tedious, or aren't interested in him outside the workplace, then throw that piece of paper away. You posted that you like him; if you like texting and want to find out whether you like him outside the workplace, then send him a message. He could be a nice guy who sends interesting text messages, or he may just be interest in swapping naked pics. I'd guess the former, but the latter is also a possibility. Edited April 7, 2017 by Telemachus Link to post Share on other sites
carnelian Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Of course he is interested, romantically. Guys don't usually want female friends. The fact that he said boob means something. You could call him while you are working? If it is private. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 My co worker who works in different depertment gave me his number.I was intrested so I texted him back .However,a week into getting to know each other* he asked me if I have boyfriend and kids to which I repled no.I returned the question ..he tells me that he has 2 8 month twins and he is working towards being single.I asked him what he meant by that .He proceeded to tell me that they still live together but * not really together* and they are trying to find ways to spilt without having a full impact on the kids because he doesn't want any bs for them.They just grew apart but want to raise good kids I really liked him so I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt since he was upfront with me but now I feel like I might have made the wrong decison. We have been seeing each other for a month now and he made no reference of him moving out..not sure if has any intentions to do so. He has a 9 to 5 job so during the week we often see each other and have sex in his officer sometimes I go visit him during work hours and we have sex in public places ie secluded areas. We haven't hangout outside work due to conflicting schedules at some point I was sick which prevented us from spending time together. He wants to plan something for us soon. I feel like I'm the other women even though he reassured me that they are not together. I would also prefer to date someone who doesn't already have children but I figure it would be harder to find a man who doesn't have baggage at 32 unless I go for much younger.This is situation about him having infants * and still living with baby mama has been bothering me...I thought I could look past it. .I'm starting to fall for him and wanting more ? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 (edited) First, "working toward being single" means that he is still married (I'm assuming they are married, or maybe common-law). You should tell him to contact you again when he has his divorce papers. And second, having sex in his office or in secluded public places is a great way to lose your job and/or get arrested. If you haven't hung out outside of work, you are nothing more than a sexy time distraction to him during the work day... You are not really "dating" - there is no love, respect, or commitment in this relationship. If he wanted a relationship with you, he would date you. This relationship is all about sex and it is little more than an office affair, sorry. There is some REALLY BAD judgment and decision making here. You REALLy need to think about what you are doing. Surely, there is someone else - anyone else - that you could date? Edited May 14, 2017 by BaileyB 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 I just want to clarify that he isn't married .They were in long term relationship but have been together for years .And secondly we screw in his office and the door automatically locks so no one knows what's happening behind closed doors Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 (edited) He's still living with this woman - they are sharing a home, paying the bills, raising their children... You may not want to believe this, but he is very much, involved with this woman. I'm telling you, this will end badly for you. Words are meaningless. He may continue to sleep with you anytime he can while telling you that the relationship is over and he "plans" to leave. His actions, at this point, tell you that he is simply enjoying the sex at work. The better question is, why do you want a relationship with a man who would begin an affair with you, while still very much involved in a long term relationship? What does this tell you about his character or the kind of partner he would be to you - if you were to actually have a relationship. Think about it. Edited May 14, 2017 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Yes you are the other woman. Here's what is really going on: his longtime love gave birth to two babies 8 months ago and her life has been turned upside down. Every minute of every day she is taking care of two totally dependent helpless babies. She rarely sleeps more than a couple of hours at a time, barely has time to shower, has a baby attached to her almost always, and your wonderful "boyfriend" feels neglected. His common law wife is not giving him the sex and attention he feels that he deserves and that he's entitled to so rather than knuckling down and pitching in to give his exhausted wife the help and support that she needs, rather than rejoicing in becoming a father to two beautiful heathy babies, rather than putting his own selfish needs aside temporarily to be a good partner and dad, he has instead decided to cheat and help himself to some cheap sex in public places. This is an affair but putting that aside, why are you okay with screwing a man in his office and in public when he isn't even properly courting you? Don't young women expect more from the men who claim to be interested in them? I feel so old. I know if I was in this situation and I told my mom about it she would tell me in no uncertain terms that I was being used and allowing myself to be cheapened. Why don't you have higher standards for the men you date? If you want to know if his story is true (which it obviously isn't) tell him you would like to pop around his house sometime to meet his babies and talk to his suspossed ex. I mean he shouldn't mind right? Considering that you're going to be his babies stepmom shouldn't you meet them and get to know their mom? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl87 Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 (edited) RUN!!! He could be telling the truth but he could also be lying. If you continue this way, he has no reason to make any changes. You aren't that invested so cut it off now and tell him to figure out his situation at home first then he can come find you. To continue what you're doing now will almost guarantee heartache for you down the road. I promise you. And aside from that, you are not being respected at all. Having sex in his office and public but secluded places is not something you do when you care and respect someone. Yes sometimes a couple just wants to bang and get carried away but that's not an every day all the time thing. I was an OW and if my MM hadn't taken me out on dates and hung out with me in public without sex, I would've been gone! Really think about this. Break it off. Make him earn your love and make him respect you. Edited May 14, 2017 by lostgirl87 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Yes you are the other woman. Here's what is really going on: his longtime love gave birth to two babies 8 months ago and her life has been turned upside down. Every minute of every day she is taking care of two totally dependent helpless babies. She rarely sleeps more than a couple of hours at a time, barely has time to shower, has a baby attached to her almost always, and your wonderful "boyfriend" feels neglected. His common law wife is not giving him the sex and attention he feels that he deserves and that he's entitled to so rather than knuckling down and pitching in to give his exhausted wife the help and support that she needs, rather than rejoicing in becoming a father to two beautiful heathy babies, rather than putting his own selfish needs aside temporarily to be a good partner and dad, he has instead decided to cheat and help himself to some cheap sex in public places. This is it! What a great guy Imagine this... He falls in love with you, marries you, and you have his child. How is it going to feel when he does this to you - because, if he will do it with you, he will do it to you. Doesn't the mother of his children deserve a little more respect? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Why are you having sex in some guys office and public places when he doesn't even care enough for you to take you out on a proper date? He is not going to leave his live in gf and his kids. Why do you not think you are better than this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 And secondly we screw in his office and the door automatically locks so no one knows what's happening behind closed doors.... I disagree. It's likely verging on certain that due to any or all of the following: * Huge smirks on his and/or your face before and after * Noise heard through walls * Previous behavior patterns * His comments and gestures that you don't see (either you're not around or they're behind your back) * Your frequent locked-door visits with no apparent work purpose (or a trumped-up purpose) * Other behavioral tells he gives off that everyone in a 300 ft radius knows exactly what's going on. Barf. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Mizz Layta, you've gotten some good advice here but there's something else imo you should consider and that is, that these days cameras are often being installed in places of business and also outdoor areas for security concerns. You should be aware that there's a possibility you've been videoed during your trysts with him. Or that at some point you will be. You really have no way of knowing if it's happening or not. Even if he tells you he wouldn't do it, he's obviously lying to his "wife" so would most likely lie to you about it, if he was recording your sessions. "A word to the wise" and all that... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BreakingWave Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 First, don't assume that just because there's a locked door and no windows that there are no security cameras. Even if you are certain that there are no cameras in his office, there are a few other parts of this story that make me wonder about how much you can trust him. I love the suggestion about asking to come by his house and meet his babies. It's a good indicator of how serious he is or isn't - the babies aren't old enough that meeting you is going to have any sort of psychological impact, so they're way too young for the "I don't want to introduce them to a girlfriend unless I'm thinking about marrying her" excuse, which is actually a valid position to take when the kids are older. Second, if the woman he lives with is truly his ex, then she shouldn't have a problem finding out that he's seeing someone else. What really makes me wonder is that fact that so far, you've only had sex in his office and in public spaces. This makes me wonder if, deep down, one or both of you wants to be caught. Even if that's not the case, why haven't you gone to your place, or *any* legit place? Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Yes, you are the ow. Do you want to be? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 You did make the wrong decision. This man is living life with the mother of his children and he isn't leaving her. He is just looking for some fun on the side. Please end it. You deserve a great (single) guy who won't hurt and use you. He's taken and not available even though he's making it seem like he is. Yes, you are the OW. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 He is still married and living with his patner. Whatever he tells you may not be true. Do not trust a married guy who says he is leaving his wife, 'separated but living together, getting a divorce soon, or any variant on the above. If he is living in the same house as his wife, they are a married couple. If you believe anything else, you will end up getting hurt. Yes, you are the other woman at the moment. If you don't want to be an 'other woman', there is only one thing to do - dump him! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 I just want to clarify that he isn't married .They were in long term relationship but have been together for years .And secondly we screw in his office and the door automatically locks so no one knows what's happening behind closed doors He has children with this woman and children with her. That makes them a family unit. They are 'common law'. You're a fling and someone he can have sex with (at work) when he feels like it. I hope you realize that what you're doing is wrong and even more so that you're doing it at work. Just because that door locks doesn't mean others don't know. Video and eyes are everywhere these days! And, how do you know he isn't recording your sexual sessions in his office? Never say never.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted May 15, 2017 Author Share Posted May 15, 2017 Thank you guys for your insights ..I have been contemplating ending it as I'm getting attached to and starting to want more.I just don't know how to go on about it as we still work together Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted May 22, 2017 Author Share Posted May 22, 2017 I was single for while until I met a man who made it seem like he was in the process of breaking up with his long time girlfriend who has 2 kids and live with.I gave him the benefit of the doubt .Now The reality of the situation has hit me He hasn't taken me on proper dates and it doesn't seem like he has any intentions of moving out.I'm starting to want something more from him.I now find myself feeling lonelier and worse than I did when I was fully single with no man in my life Why does being the other women feel worse if i'm still getting company and sex than when you are single? Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Yes, I think it's worse. You will want more than you can have. You will start to feel like second best. You will be lonely while he is at home with his family. You will miss opportunities to meet new people because you are wasting your time on someone who is dedicated to someone else. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Because it's wrong Because no one should settle for second best Because you're hurting his girlfriend even if she doesn't know and you're hurting his kids (along with him) Because you want and deserve a real relationship 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Because if it was just company and sex you wanted, you wouldn't care about a "proper date" or whether or not he was moving out. You'd order in Chinese, get off a couple of times and maybe play cards or watch a movie together before you sent him on his way. No, you want more than company and sex. That's why. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
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