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Lonely other woman


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Does anyone else feel alone and down, being the other woman? I feel like I'm just the flame to add to his fire with his wife. That I turn him on so he can go be with her and do the things he wants to do but with her. I just feel alone..

 

He's the most loving person I know. He's 30 years older than me but the age doesn't feel different. Weve had the most romantic towns together. Never sex and never kissed on the lips, because he's a leader and can justify things I guess, as long as we don't do that.

 

The other day we laid together and he kissed my neck and we were riding in each other and kissing as much as we could without kissing lips.. It was so romantic. Then the other day massaged me then kissed my neck and kicked up and down and my breasts. It was amazing. So much passion. We love each other very much. It developed over 8 months and only recently, like a couple weeks have gotten more physical.

 

Well now he feels guilty and is pulling away a but, and says we can still meet and be close but cant touch private areas or kiss neck or be passionate. Now the things we were going to do, he's going to go do with his wife. After I gave him the ideas and turn him on when he's with me.. He told me tonight there going to look for the G spot and he's going to make her cum.. I shouldn't be jelous cause he's not mine... But I feel like second best which I know I'm second... But still! I felt used and unimportant, like a scheduled piece of ass. Like he tempts me then gets to go have sex and fulfill the need to have that release, that I started. But I love him so much or hurts, and I know he loves me. We're very emotional with each other. I feel like i finally gave someone something, he saw me so turned on and squirming and moaning in pleasure. And now he's changing the rules to go back to being appropriate and pretend those feelings aren't there. Yet tells me what he's going to go home and do with his wife...

 

I feel so alone. I need support and advice?!

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I feel like I'm just the flame to add to his fire with his wife. That I turn him on so he can go be with her and do the things he wants to do but with her.

 

Your feelings about what you are to him are 100% accurate. Question is, are you going to accept it or move on?

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The question you should be asking yourself is why do you think that you are not worth more than this?

 

You deserve better. Go find it

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If i am this to him, does that mean he doesn't love me the way I know he does and he shows? Or is he just super horny? Would someone do that of they loved someone? Or is he just trying to be "good"...

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RecentChange

Honey, people don't show their love by teasing each other up and discarding them so that they can focus that attention on someone else.

 

This isn't love, this isn't right, this isn't what you deserve.

 

Of course you feel lonely, he leaves you empty. Love makes you feel whole, secure and content - this isn't what he is giving you. He is using you for an emotional charge, and then places you in a low priority.

 

We teach people how to treat us through what we allow. You have allowed him to make you second class.

 

You are young and have your life ahead of you. Don't waste your good years on this man - he will damage you and make it that much harder for you to find the true love you crave.

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It doesn't even really matter if it's love or not. He's unavailable. He is married. Don't lose sleep over it

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FoundMyStrength

Please leave this man. All MM treat the OW as second best, by definition, but this man is doing so openly and brazenly. Everything you've described sounds like he's just using you as the warm-up for sex with his wife. And he's telling you about it! This man is NOT loving. He may know the right words to say, but he is not acting like a loving human being. Or really like a human being at all.

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somanymistakes
If i am this to him, does that mean he doesn't love me the way I know he does and he shows? Or is he just super horny? Would someone do that of they loved someone? Or is he just trying to be "good"...

 

What he's doing with you doesn't sound like love at all. It sounds like what you said - he enjoys the tease, because it gets him fired up.

 

He may think that you understand and are playing the same game that he is. Some women actually enjoy teasing relationships that never get as far as sex because it makes them feel like they are in control and having fun that is 'safe'....

 

But he doesn't sound like he wants anything more than fun out of this, and may even pretend to be shocked if you say you did want more.

 

Enjoying your company doesn't mean that he loves you.

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You are young and have your life ahead of you. Don't waste your good years on this man - he will damage you and make it that much harder for you to find the true love you crave.

 

Sad thing is, I'm so desperate for this cause my husband ignores me. And I'm a young beautiful woman and I feel like a good catch! But he just ignored me and I feel so alone all the time. That's why I sucked into this trap by a man who showed me what it felt like to be loved. But now I'm just more alone. Feels like I'm just not meant to be happy. Leaving husband isn't an easy option, we have 5 young children.

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If i am this to him, does that mean he doesn't love me the way I know he does and he shows? Or is he just super horny? Would someone do that of they loved someone? Or is he just trying to be "good"...

 

I'm not seeing love in your description. I mean, sure, he's attracted to you.

He probably enjoys your company. But what does he do to make you believe he loves you?

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But what does he do to make you believe he loves you?

 

He is always there for me when I need anything. He's stayed up hours, came to me, called and been there for everything. Talk to me for hours and hours, gives me gifts, cries and shows emotion, especially when he talks about how he feels towards me. I can see love in his eyes.

 

But then tells me we can't do those things again hut everything will stay the same. I just feel like nothing to him except revving up for sex with someone else and exciting cause he's with a cute young lady and it's exciting. It's so confusing.

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lostgirl87

I am nobody to judge another's relationship but I am not seeing love either. I do think it is possible for a MM to love his AP but the fact that he is talking about what he is going to do to his wife after he leaves you is sick and definitely not something a person who cares about you would say.

 

In my affair, MM never talked about his relationship with his W unless I was asking or pressing for details. He would never want to make me jealous or hurt me even though I knew he was married and knew he was going home to her. He was honest with me but he would never say something like that to me. And I would definitely never ask for such vivid details!

 

I don't know what is that he is doing with you but I don't think it's love. In his mind, he thinks he is creating boundaries and hasn't "crossed the line" b/c y'all haven't actually kissed or had sex but let's be real here: that line is far gone! What his thinking DOES show is that he is committed to the marriage. He's so committed to it that he is trying to maintain as much distance as he can so he can technically say he didn't cheat.

 

Start distancing yourself now. Work on your own marriage and try to gain some closeness with your H. Maybe some counseling. But let him know how sad and lonely you feel in the marriage and ask him to fight for the marriage with you. I know this is weird advice coming from a OW but i honestly think it's the best thing for you. I wouldn't say affairs are healthy but your situation is screaming that you're going to end up extremely hurt and in a terrible mindset.

 

I wish you all the best :)

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Why are you settling for so little... This is not love.

 

If you are unhappy in your life, feeling unloved and unappreciated by your husband and trapped in a marriage because of your children, the answer to your problems will never be found with another man.

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FoundLove

I've been exactly where you are now.

 

The guy was 19 years older than me. I was 33 at the time and he was 52.

 

The age difference didn't bother me one bit back then.

 

Now it is 9 years later. I'm 42 and the guy I was seeing back then is now turning 61 and lives in an old age home...!?

 

What on earth was I thinking. :eek:

 

So, even though the age difference doesn't bother you now, believe me, it will later on.

 

And apart from that, you deserve SO MUCH BETTER than what he is offering you.

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Does anyone else feel alone and down, being the other woman? I feel like I'm just the flame to add to his fire with his wife. That I turn him on so he can go be with her and do the things he wants to do but with her. I just feel alone..

 

He's the most loving person I know. He's 30 years older than me but the age doesn't feel different. Weve had the most romantic towns together. Never sex and never kissed on the lips, because he's a leader and can justify things I guess, as long as we don't do that.

 

The other day we laid together and he kissed my neck and we were riding in each other and kissing as much as we could without kissing lips.. It was so romantic. Then the other day massaged me then kissed my neck and kicked up and down and my breasts. It was amazing. So much passion. We love each other very much. It developed over 8 months and only recently, like a couple weeks have gotten more physical.

 

Well now he feels guilty and is pulling away a but, and says we can still meet and be close but cant touch private areas or kiss neck or be passionate. Now the things we were going to do, he's going to go do with his wife. After I gave him the ideas and turn him on when he's with me.. He told me tonight there going to look for the G spot and he's going to make her cum.. I shouldn't be jelous cause he's not mine... But I feel like second best which I know I'm second... But still! I felt used and unimportant, like a scheduled piece of ass. Like he tempts me then gets to go have sex and fulfill the need to have that release, that I started. But I love him so much or hurts, and I know he loves me. We're very emotional with each other. I feel like i finally gave someone something, he saw me so turned on and squirming and moaning in pleasure. And now he's changing the rules to go back to being appropriate and pretend those feelings aren't there. Yet tells me what he's going to go home and do with his wife...

 

I feel so alone. I need support and advice?!

 

How do you feel the OW if you didnt have sex? Or even kissed each other lips.

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goodyblue

Okay, I have to say something. This sounds like two teenagers in their mother's basement trying to get off without losing their virginity... except he won't kiss you, because it is too intimate which is what prostitutes do. Seriously, wtf?

 

Look, I ended up with my MM so I have an idea what to look for in a relationship to see if it is going to go father than an affair.

 

This weird thing isn't even an affair! This is some creepy old dude using you to get a raging erection and an ego boost, then goes home to a wife who probably lives a life more lonely than yours.

 

Nobody here is going to convince you that he is a creep who is using you, you have to realize that yourself. I just hope you learn it soon so that your pain stops. This man isn't going to make you less lonely, only you can do that and it will only happen when you see this guy doesn't care about anyone but himself.

 

I hope you move out of this place in your life soon, you deserve better.

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I'm so jealous of his wife it's not even funny.. How do you all deal with that!? When he goes home to her or that I know they touch and have sex... I'm so jealous that it actually depresses me and makes me sick.

 

Does anyone feel like that too? I feel so alone...

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freengreen

 

This isn't love, this isn't right, this isn't what you deserve.

 

this man - he will damage you and make it that much harder for you to find the true love you crave.

Just in case OP missed this, posting for emphasis.
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Overtaxed
I'm so jealous of his wife it's not even funny.. How do you all deal with that!? When he goes home to her or that I know they touch and have sex... I'm so jealous that it actually depresses me and makes me sick.

 

Does anyone feel like that too? I feel so alone...

 

You should feel sorry for her being married to a man who will do this to her. I understand the sentiment, I was involved in a few relationships where the woman was dating multiple people and I felt the same way. Then I realized I was worth more than that, if she wanted to date other people, she wasn't worth my time and I moved on. Jealousy stopped, and I wound up in a much better place personally.

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I'm so jealous of his wife it's not even funny.. How do you all deal with that!? When he goes home to her or that I know they touch and have sex... I'm so jealous that it actually depresses me and makes me sick.

 

Does anyone feel like that too? I feel so alone...

i feel you and im in the worse situation. we was in an exposed affair and they are separated. Recently they went back together, i meant intimately. And im still here to accept this all. I felt sick all the time if he wanted sex.

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Friskyone4u
Sad thing is, I'm so desperate for this cause my husband ignores me. And I'm a young beautiful woman and I feel like a good catch! But he just ignored me and I feel so alone all the time. That's why I sucked into this trap by a man who showed me what it felt like to be loved. But now I'm just more alone. Feels like I'm just not meant to be happy. Leaving husband isn't an easy option, we have 5 young children.

 

Loneroo,

 

All of the other nonsense aside, with five young children you are going to find yourself a hell of a lot more alone if your husband catches you, and while you think you will never get caught, most do. Then any decisions may well be taken away from you as well as the possibility you may lose time with your children.

 

You've already gotten some advice to stop cheating with this man, which it appears you are surely to ignore because right now this is all about you and not your children and the jeopardy you are putting their safety and security in.

 

You may think because your husband is not paying you enough attention or not meeting your needs that he will not care if you get caught but you will probably be proven to be wrong on that one.

 

You do not want to hear it, but here is the blunt truth. Most men entertain affairs for SEX, period. Most women enter affairs for emotional reasons like you have. And the overwhelming number of men who leave their wives for their side piece, which is what you are letting yourself be, is minuscule.

 

If you can't leave your husband because of the five children, my guess is you are either a stay at home Mom or not the breadwinner in the family. My advice to you is to get yourself to IC and get yourself out of this little fantasyland you are in before it blows up in your face.

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You have 5 young children, but time to sorta make out with a guy 30 (thirty) years older than you? And this guy won't kiss your lips, but will lick your breasts and then tells you he is going to find his wife's G spot? And that alone wasn't enough for you to dump this piece of poop?

 

Honey, he doesn't "love" you. Not a single thing you wrote shows the actions of a man who loves a woman. He is horny and he gets turned on that a younger woman wants to have sex with him. And not to belabor a point, but he's JUST NOW trying to find his wife's G spot? And for whatever reason, he felt the need to TELL YOU he was going to find his wife's G spot? Again, this isn't the WORDS or ACTIONS of a man who loves you.

 

Your posts make me think you are very young - as in early 20's, but you state you have 5 kids and I am assuming it was 5 births vs 1 multiple birth. But your words/behavior/actions make me think you are very, very young because I have a hard time understanding how a more mature/older woman would ever tolerate someone they believe they love saying what he says to you. As someone else said, he is SHOWING YOU WHO HE IS - believe him.

 

How do you find so much time with 5 young children to spend with this old guy? And yes, I say he is an old guy cause I am an old female. :D

 

I do not understand at all why you are pursing anything with this guy. It makes me feel so sad for you - so sad that you value yourself so little to think it is not completely wrong for this guy to do what he does to you - what you allow him to do to you. You have the power to say "enough" and that you won't put yourself through this anymore. You have the choice to continue to make yourself miserable. There is nothing making you continue to seek out this guy nor spend time with him. PLEASE get some counseling to find out why you would allow this guy to do these things to you (get you turned on and then walk away) and say these things to you. Do it for yourself and more importantly, do it for your children. Like someone else also said, WHEN this blows up, and it will, your children will be collateral damage and hurt so much. If you feel the need to continue to stay involved with this guy, then please walk away from your kids so they do not have to live with the stress and anxiety when this comes to light. Separate from your spouse, start supporting yourself and go do whatever you want.

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What he's doing is called triangulation.

It has nothing to do with love and romance and everything to do with his need for validation and control. Plus, he enjoys manipulating both you and his wife.

This guy has "bad news" written all over him. You envy his wife? I feel very sorry for her.

If you let him, he is going to inflict a world of pain on you. Run fast, run far.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangulation_(psychology)

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You have 5 young children, but time to sorta make out with a guy 30 (thirty) years older than you? And this guy won't kiss your lips, but will lick your breasts and then tells you he is going to find his wife's G spot? And that alone wasn't enough for you to dump this piece of poop?

 

 

 

Your posts make me think you are very young - as in early 20's, but you state you have 5 kids and I am assuming it was 5 births vs 1 multiple birth. But your words/behavior/actions make me think you are very, very young because I have a hard time understanding how a more mature/older woman would ever tolerate someone they believe they love saying what he says to you. As someone else said, he is SHOWING YOU WHO HE IS - believe him.

 

I am 33

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