AutumnMoon Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 I don't know if I need advice here but could be a good supportive discussion maybe.. but I came here today, and the top threads are really not positive. People seem to not be happy. I do sometimes sign on to pass time, to see who I relate to, keep myself from double triple messaging him. But overall I'm content with my situation. Not much to complain about. I love him. He loves me. Neither ready for divorce. Anyone else? Are you happy? Sorry if I've posted this before. I think it often. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 Sorry, nope. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Doublegold Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 Yes, I am happy. Long term Affair, very long term. There is no "fog". I enjoy our time together, enjoy my time alone. That may be because I was married a long time, and never was on my own except for the past years. I like it. Sometimes it is difficult. But I truly love him, and I have never doubted his love for me. We like one another, and just enjoy being with one another. Talking, sharing our day, we have never run out of things we want/need to share. He is the one person I always think of when something good or bad happens, he is my touchstone. The times I have gone NC for various reasons and he once during IC were extremely difficut for both of us. Much harder then the Affair itself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 You know, I was happy in the affair and really don't apologize much at al for it. It was what I needed at the time. I don't think I loved him, but I felt some affection for him. I think I could have probably continued for the rest of his life, but one day it just hit me all that he would lose if we were caught. We never would have had a relationship, I have no doubt his adult children would not want me in his life or their life. I think he would have survived losing his wife and material possessions, but would have been lost without his kids. So, the what if scenario made me realize he would more than likely end up divorced and end up with someone else eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
truffles000 Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 Happy but hoping everything will be better. In a relationship with a married man for more than 2 years. He has filed for divorce a few months ago and we just moved in together. Everything went smoothly until his wife found out about me last month and started harassing me through my social media accounts and email. He used to be in the military, he married her because he got her pregnant and couldn't imagine his child being raised by an uneducated woman. He tried to make it work but she is emotionally unstable (we are suspecting bipolar as her emails are ranging from offering me friendship to calling me a whore). Btw, his family (other than his wife) knows about me and is okay with our arrangement. I'm hoping everything will be better soon. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted May 2, 2017 Author Share Posted May 2, 2017 (edited) They are never there only for the kids. At least I know we aren't. It's like we can't imagine rocking the boat when thinks are 'ok' I think that happens to a lot of people, because things are fine, your marriage isn't horrible, you stay. I do love my husband. I know he loves his wife, we are just so much the same and them so different from us you can't help but reach for greener grass, not knowing for sure all The real work to keep it that way. Maybe it's the fear of the unknown. But we are both putting off divorce right now and may for years because we are scared to make that leap. my situation is a little bit more complicated, hard now for us to be together even if we did leave our marriages to make anything official. For now, I'm happy. I have no regrets. Edited May 2, 2017 by AutumnMoon Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 I think if you are both married, then it might be easier to find some kind of happiness. The MM/single OW scenario is more difficult. I can say that I was happy for periods of time, but we always broke up at some point, got back together and went through the whole thing several times. Poppy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rebelnoir Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 I think if you are both married, then it might be easier to find some kind of happiness. The MM/single OW scenario is more difficult. I can say that I was happy for periods of time, but we always broke up at some point, got back together and went through the whole thing several times. Poppy. Agreed. We were happy whilst the A was ongoing. Ridiculously happy. And although there were issues we always managed to get back to that place. If I wasn't single and didn't want a life with my partner then maybe we could have continued like that (at least until somebody found out...). It's good until it's not good, you know? Somebody finds out, somebody doesn't do what they say they will... MM and I tried to plan for so many eventualities and outcomes, and in the end none of it happened how either of us imagined. Another thing I guess is that people will probably only tend to post here when they need advice, and they need that because something bad is going on. I know I never had any inclination to post on a forum when I was happily 'in love'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
denwickdroylsden Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 While in the A bubble yes, was happy with it. The minute I emerged though, anxiety set in. Fear of getting caught, etc. Which is what happened. Not my first time around the block. Things are better now away from it all. Link to post Share on other sites
IwasJeannie Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 I was until I was discarded like garbage without so much as a phone call. I know not all MM are like mine but the happiness I used to have is not worth the pain I'm feeling right now. I knew this wouldn't end well because they rarely do but ignored that advice, I wish I could rewind a couple years and I'd give up every single moment with him. Those moments are not worth my shattered heart, my self esteem, and my sanity. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 NOT ME!! Oh my gosh I was so NOT happy being in an affair. I literally think i was happy for like 8 weeks, then i was like... choose. I was a horrible mistress. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted May 2, 2017 Author Share Posted May 2, 2017 I'm sorry to hear that ladies. Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 I'm sorry to hear that ladies. Yep, if a relationship works for you and satisfies your needs, great. If not, get the heck out!! Life is too short Link to post Share on other sites
Doublegold Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 (edited) "They are never there only for the kids. At least I know we aren't. It's like we can't imagine rocking the boat when thinks are 'ok'" Just speaking for myself--I would NEVER of divorced when my children were under age 18. Never. I stayed for them. Once my youngest was out of College, I made a life for me. Edited May 3, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited out personal response to other member ~ V Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 (edited) To get closer to the topic, I'm certainly not wracked with guilt, I'm just unhappy because of the messy situation and that we're not together. If I gave into temptation and we had a physical affair I expect I'd feel happier very very briefly and THEN feel absolutely awful and guilty. Edited May 3, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited out interpersonal content ~ V 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 So your family/children are more important than the one you love and procreating with them? spending every second with them? sharing every bit of food with them? Because you think one eliminates the other? Its good that both parties feel this way Link to post Share on other sites
Birdies Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 (edited) Enter sanctimony, stage left. Anway - I was happy in many moments of the affair - all the moments with MM, and also many times with my husband when we were with friends or family. The "outer layers of the onion" of our life were really pretty good and happy, it was just the very center that was difficult. But ultimately I was always thinking ahead to how the A needed to end, and the guaranteed heartbreak that would come with it. Or the potential for exposure, and the devastation that would cause. So no, I was never ultimately happy with the situation. I certainly wouldn't recommend it to anyone! Edited May 2, 2017 by Birdies 3 Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 um happy?.. yeah for the first two weeks, everytime he came back after NC.. then it was always me doing the checking up and jesting him...that made me revolt against myself on what exactly I was chasing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Doublegold Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 (edited) [] Some women don't want to be divorced. No matter the state of the marriage. She knows. And that is the all I will say on the subject. Edited May 3, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited out personal attack content ~ V Response to deleted content redacted ~W Link to post Share on other sites
WarriorBabe Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 (edited) They are never there only for the kids. At least I know we aren't. It's like we can't imagine rocking the boat when thinks are 'ok' I so understand this statement, however, I cannot imagine tying someone's else's life up and 'pretending' to my family that I am happy. Showing a facade for the sake of the kids is not healthy at all. At least in my perspective. Somewhere deep inside, happiness with a bs is not present, when you are living 'ok' and wanting to be with someone else. That is not happiness. Someone else is miserable no matter how you sugar coat it, when you are in an A, married or single and the bs is not aware of it. The betrayer is miserable living a lie day after day. Edited May 3, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote ~W 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted May 3, 2017 Author Share Posted May 3, 2017 (edited) Just speaking for myself--I would NEVER of divorced when my children were under age 18. Never. I stayed for them. Once my youngest was out of College, I made a life for me. Me either. What I mean by my only staying for the kids is there is a lot of other things involved. An entire life built. Lots of people say they're at their partner is only in it for the kids I just think it's a lot more than JUST for the kids. It's a whole history, property, family, friends, parents .. pets .. obviously financial considerations. Just so many reasons people stay and tell themselves it's only for the kids. Edited May 3, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited out previously deleted content ~ V Repair quote ~W 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted May 3, 2017 Author Share Posted May 3, 2017 So your family/children are more important than the one you love and procreating with them? spending every second with them? sharing every bit of food with them? Because you think one eliminates the other? Its good that both parties feel this way What does this even mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted May 3, 2017 Author Share Posted May 3, 2017 (edited) They are never there only for the kids. At least I know we aren't. It's like we can't imagine rocking the boat when thinks are 'ok' I so understand this statement, however, I cannot imagine tying someone's else's life up and 'pretending' to my family that I am happy. Showing a facade for the sake of the kids is not healthy at all. At least in my perspective. Somewhere deep inside, happiness with a bs is not present, when you are living 'ok' and wanting to be with someone else. That is not happiness. Someone else is miserable no matter how you sugar coat it, when you are in an A, married or single and the bs is not aware of it. The betrayer is miserable living a lie day after day. I don't know what facade I have up. I love my husband too. I'm happy at home too. is obviously incomparable because our connections are completely different, but I would've never started this if my husband was around and I hadn't been in a very vulnerable place. But it started and I love them both. If the kids were grown I'd probably choose the second guy because he's my exact match but that doesn't mean my happiness with my life is fake. None of us a miserable. If one was it would be my AP who most considers divorce but he's content with things right now too. Edited May 3, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote ~W Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 Gently, are you in counseling yet? Your need to convince strangers of how happy you are by posting a substantially similar thread about once a month to gain attention and a platform is concerning. I am hoping that you have someone to discuss these deeper issues of your need so you can have sustainable happiness in the years to come. I know for me, having a long term plan and a good grip on what makes me tick has been key. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted May 3, 2017 Author Share Posted May 3, 2017 Gently, are you in counseling yet? Your need to convince strangers of how happy you are by posting a substantially similar thread about once a month to gain attention and a platform is concerning. I am hoping that you have someone to discuss these deeper issues of your need so you can have sustainable happiness in the years to come. I know for me, having a long term plan and a good grip on what makes me tick has been key. Thanks I'm not trying to get attention, just like everyone else I like to relate to people who might understand some of what I'm going through. My life is not perfect, but I'm happy more than I'm not. I am not trying to convince anyone of anything. I'm well aware what my issues are I didn't ask you about them and I don't choose to talk to someone like you about them, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts