Savannah2 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 (edited) So he left today for a cruise. Just him and his wife. I'm sure he will have a grand time. I have been in tears. He messaged me three times today before they left. I didn't open them so I don't know what it said but I'm sure it's something like.. he's sorry and he will miss me. I told him last night I couldn't talk to him today I knew it was going to be very tough day for me. I've kept my word and have not talked to him. I'm proud of myself for that. It's something I've always threatened but never followed through. I'm guessing even he's probably surprised I did not open his messages. I just didn't want to see his messages saying the same thing he's said to me every time he goes on vacation with her. His words don't mean anything to me anymore. Edited March 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 (edited) [] Find someone who wants to take YOU on a romantic vacation. You will NEVER HAVE THAT if you stay intwined with this other woman's husband Edited March 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Quote of redecated content deleted and off-topic content redacted and member moderated 14 Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 I know this is not what you want to hear but having been in your shoes, and knowing how these things end more often than not, badly... please use this as an opportunity to walk away from him today. You will save yourself longterm misery. If he is still going on vacations with his wife, he's not going to leave her and you will be hurt. Please, as someone who was with a MM for 4.5 years, take my advise, leave him today, go immediate no contact and save your dignity. If only I could go back in time and take the advise I am giving you. Start reading on how the wife views the other woman, if it helps you get a better perspective. The OM will also view YOU as a home wrecker once it's all done, even if he pursued you from the start. Get out now. Seriously, I know what you are feeling. It will be the hardest thing you have ever done but it will save you from future tears and pain. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 So I opened his messages after I knew he no longer had cell service on the ship. He started with a good morning message and said he understood why I was ypset and said I'll talk to you Monday when I have my cell service. He then sent another message at 12:00 after he saw I hadn't opened the morning one he sent at 8:00. The 12:00 message had a little different tone I think. He said, really, you aren't even going to check your messages? Then he said good night sweet dreams because we say that every night to each other when we sign off and I won't be able to talk to him while he is on the cruise. Why is he throwing it back on me for not checking his messages? Isn't he supposed to be on vacation with his wife? Why is he so concerned with me opening his messages? I think he's not used to this from me. I always waiting hook line and sinker for him at his beckon call and this time I wasn't. Maybe he thinks he's losing control of me. Maybe he finally is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Patrice Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Then promising to sneak around and call you. Block him, he has made a choice. Then irritated that you don't answer his messages. Get out of this, pronto! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 (edited) So he left today for a cruise. Just him and his wife. I'm sure he will have a grand time. I have been in tears. He messaged me three times today before they left. I didn't open them so I don't know what it said but I'm sure it's something like.. he's sorry and he will miss me. I told him last night I couldn't talk to him today I knew it was going to be very tough day for me. [] Savannah, you need to actually DO something here. It is very painful to stand by and watch someone deliberately sabotage and ruin their own life and for what? #42 I do feel like our physical interactions are lacking intimacy. The only time we are together physically is a few stolen moments here and there at work. Clothes are always on because we are always worried about someone walking in and getting caught. He won't meet me outside of work. Edited March 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content and member moderated. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Eight Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 I read this now and a few months ago I was reading the same texts from a MM, same exact situation and nearly the same damn texts. Yuck. Except the MM I was involved with was not only vacationing with his wife, but also going on trips with female coworkers, without his wife. What an idiot I was. Oh he missed me...right. But that doesn't stop them from going does it? Think about that. You, pining away for him. How nice for him! PLEASE listen to me: END IT NOW. The first month or so will suck. A lot. BUT. You will come out the other side and read what you wrote and wonder how the F*** you had such little respect and value for yourself. He is a selfish, cake-eater. And he will not stop doing what he is doing until YOU do. You have a choice. Life and love are not supposed to make you feel like this. For the love of God end it now. Today. Go through the pain and you will be so much stronger and better without this horrible, mentally unhealthy relationship. I can tell you (along with hundreds here) it will not get better nor will it get any easier if you keep going on. Save yourself. Stop abusing yourself. Get rid of him. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 He's using you, and you're letting him. I'm sure he's happily screwing his wife and having a romantic time on the cruise, while looking forward to a little side action from you when he returns. It's a classic scenario - and rarely ends well for women who date cheaters and expect not to be cheated themselves. Gain some respect for yourself and end this - he certainly doesn't have any respect for you, his wife, or probably for women in general. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoo Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Babe, you're worth so much more. It's hard, when we consider ourselves "inlove". But the question is, what are you in love with? Do you love the nervous feeling you getting? You can find it somewhere else. If you love him, let him be happy with her. If you love you, find the strength to let go so that your future will be filled with happiness. Commitment. Love. A family. Or whatever you wish tha you cannot and do not receive from him. What do you want? Are you getting it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Why did he send the follow up text? He wants to make sure you are staying on his leash. Time to free yourself girl, you have ALL of the power to do so, just aren't using it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 For the way you are throwing away your life on him, he must go a vacation with you to the moon, every year. If you dont stop giving... why will he stop taking? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Joie Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 (edited) He is using you and not even putting that much effort into it. [] Please find someone who can take you on a vacation. Best Wishes Edited March 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 So he left today for a cruise. Just him and his wife. I'm sure he will have a grand time. I have been in tears. He messaged me three times today before they left. I didn't open them so I don't know what it said but I'm sure it's something like.. he's sorry and he will miss me. I told him last night I couldn't talk to him today I knew it was going to be very tough day for me. I've kept my word and have not talked to him. I'm proud of myself for that. It's something I've always threatened but never followed through. I'm guessing even he's probably surprised I did not open his messages. I just didn't want to see his messages saying the same thing he's said to me every time he goes on vacation with her. His words don't mean anything to me anymore. Somehow you need to either accept that he's staying married and living life with his wife on ALL levels and be okay with it and just enjoy your time with him as the OW in his life or END IT and find a single guy who will love only you and you won't have to share him with anybody. As long as you choose to be in his life, this is how your life is. Sorry that you're hurting and I hope you wake up and realize you're worthy of a true love who respects you and puts you first. It just won't be with him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 (edited) So I opened his messages after I knew he no longer had cell service on the ship. He started with a good morning message and said he understood why I was ypset and said I'll talk to you Monday when I have my cell service. He then sent another message at 12:00 after he saw I hadn't opened the morning one he sent at 8:00. The 12:00 message had a little different tone I think. He said, really, you aren't even going to check your messages? Then he said good night sweet dreams because we say that every night to each other when we sign off and I won't be able to talk to him while he is on the cruise. Why is he throwing it back on me for not checking his messages? Isn't he supposed to be on vacation with his wife? Why is he so concerned with me opening his messages? I think he's not used to this from me. I always waiting hook line and sinker for him at his beckon call and this time I wasn't. Maybe he thinks he's losing control of me. Maybe he finally is. He has been doing what he wants this entire time and he momentarily was annoyed that you weren't playing along like you usually do, then he had to be sweet again just to keep you []. I really hope you can get the strength to break free. You'll never find happiness with him Edited March 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 (edited) []Shortly after my xMM got back from a vacation with his wife, he emailed me a lovely quote from a book expressing his feelings for me. For a day, it touched my heart, it was such a beautiful, loving passage. And then it made me physically ill to imagine him spending those days with his wife. Romantic dinners, holding hands, looking in each other's eyes, making love, talking about the future, reminiscing about their years together. In other words, being spouses. And all I got was a stupid quote from a book. Screw him. Edited March 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Deleted content redacted and topical content retained 12 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 (edited) Savannah, He will continue going on vacations with his wife and he's safe in the knowledge that you'll be waiting [for him]. [] He isn't the problem you are, because you allow it. [] It ends when you say it does Edited March 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content and member moderated 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 I just wish I could break free from the hold he has over me. He has me wrapped around his finger and he has to know it. I just wish for the day I feel nothing for him. I feel so out of control.. like I can't help my feelings for him and the feelings are so strong and powerful. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 (edited) Every day we make choices. And every day you CHOOSE this for yourself. When are you going to decide that you are worth more than this? When are you going to choose to end the cycle. When are you going to choose to take control over your life? [] [] Edited March 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 I second this. Please give this some thought. Shortly after my xMM got back from a vacation with his wife, he emailed me a lovely quote from a book expressing his feelings for me. For a day, it touched my heart, it was such a beautiful, loving passage. And then it made me physically ill to imagine him spending those days with his wife. Romantic dinners, holding hands, looking in each other's eyes, making love, talking about the future, reminiscing about their years together. In other words, being spouses. And all I got was a stupid quote from a book. Screw him. Yep, I asked my husband why he said such sappy things to our OW when he's not a sappy person. He said, for whatever reason it's all part of the game. That's a terrible thing to do, play games. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted March 18, 2017 Author Share Posted March 18, 2017 I told him that I couldn't talk to him today because it was too tough for me knowing he was leaving for vacation with her. I didn't ghost him, he was aware that I wasn't going to be on the app we use to talk today. He was the one who acted annoyed that I actually did what I said I would and not talk today. I don't see that as manipulation on my part but I do admit that I was surprised that he acted like it bothered him I didn't check his message Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 (edited) You did check after he left, you knew he'd see you didn't check prior to his leaving- hoping to put a damper on at least part of the trip. Be honest with yourself, it will bring healing. Edited March 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact full quote of immediately preceding post 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 Why is he throwing it back on me for not checking his messages? Isn't he supposed to be on vacation with his wife? Why is he so concerned with me opening his messages? I think he's not used to this from me. I always waiting hook line and sinker for him at his beckon call and this time I wasn't. Maybe he thinks he's losing control of me. He's angry with you because you are supposed to be pining for him, waiting for any little breadcrumb he drops... He doesn't like not being the one in control, the one holding all the cards, with a devotee waiting anxiously for his every word or offering of affection. He wants to know that you will be there waiting when he gets off the boat and sends his wife home to unpack and do the laundry... This is your opportunity to walk away. Dear girl, I hope someday you will find a man who will want to take you on the cruise, not leave you in port... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Joie Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 (edited) I do admit that I was surprised that he acted like it bothered him I didn't check his message I don't think it actually bothered him that you didn't check your messages. I think it bothered him that he has to waste 10 more seconds to send you another follow up text. [] Edited March 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content 5 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 I just wish I could break free from the hold he has over me. He has me wrapped around his finger and he has to know it. I just wish for the day I feel nothing for him. I feel so out of control.. like I can't help my feelings for him and the feelings are so strong and powerful. But you're not doing ANYTHING to change your feelings for him. You've not cut him off and made it impossible for him to contact you. You're weak around him, he knows that and knows how to manipulate you to do what he wants. Please find the love and respect for yourself!! Get to counseling and learn how to fight your feelings and work through the pain of letting go. This man is POISON for you! He has no respect for you at all. He doesn't love you, he loves what you DO for him, that's it. It makes me sad that you're hanging onto someone who really doesn't love you at all. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 I told him that I couldn't talk to him today because it was too tough for me knowing he was leaving for vacation with her. I didn't ghost him, he was aware that I wasn't going to be on the app we use to talk today. He was the one who acted annoyed that I actually did what I said I would and not talk today. I don't see that as manipulation on my part but I do admit that I was surprised that he acted like it bothered him I didn't check his message Do you see he's trying to guilt you? Make you feel bad? Playing a game? That's NOT love at all. He isn't treating you well at all. He's giving you table scraps, just enough to make you feel wanted and needed by him. But that's a false sense of security - that's how you have to look at it. Find your strength, get help and get out of this affair once and for all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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