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Did anyone spend valentines with their men, or ladies... or have a good time with husband or wives instead?

 

I had an all around good day! Got surprised by both!

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Did anyone spend valentines with their men, or ladies... or have a good time with husband or wives instead?

 

I had an all around good day! Got surprised by both!

 

Mine was awful... no more AP and BH isn't really talking to me. I've been wondering how you are doing though.

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jennifernyc84

Mine was awful as well. It's even harder being a single other woman. At least married ones have some type of distraction. I don't know..maybe I'm wrong.

 

xMM sent me a bulls*** gift telling me I'm a great friend. :sick:

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What did each do? Really curious how this works for you!

 

I have never done anything with my MM on valentines before that I can remember it just worked out this time. Both of us were alone all day so we went out for lunch and back to his house to watch a movie .. and then in the evening my husband got home from work early he brought flowers and chocolates and a big smile and he never buys gifts so I was actually really surprised.

 

I know I should feel guilty, but I don't.

My husband gets gifts for every occasion I can think of I just never expect any myself.

 

I also bought coupld dozen roses and dropped a couple off with each of the women in my life around town! Some of them are single so it made their days !

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I broke NC on Valentine's Day. Maybe it was ok though since I was feeling bad about it all and now I am 100% sure that this loser isn't worth any more of my time. He makes my skin crawl.

 

On the plus side, I got a box of chocolates from my lovely brother, who picked out the assortment that he found most disgusting (which he knew I'd love).

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I had a very nice weekend, and Valentine's day with my husband.

 

One year, one month and 9 days after D Day (but who is counting ;) )

 

It's really nice to be able to live honestly again. To love without guilt. To be genuinely thankful for the man I married, and his willingness to reconcile.

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With my husband and my sister. These types of love arnt in shadows and dont have an agenda.

What I had for xMM was an addiction... will celebrate 'national goodriddiance addiction day' with him

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I had a really nice night with my guy. He had asked me several weeks earlier what I wanted to do, which was to get takeout and watch a movie... just take a whole night to spend time together. We had Thai food, a funny movie, couch snuggles, flowers and a card and a sweet gift - it was really really nice.

 

My ex wouldn't have thought about VDay until maybe the day before, although he was always sweet and would make a wonderful dinner for us. I don't think I'd gotten a card from him in years, and I would just buy my own Christmas/birthday gifts so I would get something. I thought about him a lot on VDay and hoped he's doing ok. I wondered if he was spending it with his girlfriend, or if things have changed there. I hoped that he's happy, or as happy as possible given everything that happened. I tried not to think about the exBW too much... I'm sure she was sad and bitter, and I'm very sorry for that.

 

I don't know how anyone could feel no guilt, whether they're in an affair or in the time after the fallout. It's always in the back of my mind, and sometimes in the forefront. Some serious compartmentalizing, I suppose.

Edited by Birdies
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Oh, but I do have to admit I was quite tested the day after Valentine's.

 

I boarded my commuter train to head home after work. I had met my now ex MM on the train - but after D Day, rearranged my schedule to ride a train that didn't go to his station.

 

As I made my way through the crowded standing room only car - there he was. I don't know why he was on "my" train, but I was forced slide by him as I made my way to a less crowded car.... Littterally had to touch him in the process. But managed to not say anything even though I was a bit tempted.

 

Made it to my seat and did my best to put him out of my mind.

 

So, I am not perfect. But I am trying.

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I don't know how anyone could feel no guilt, whether they're in an affair or in the time after the fallout.

 

It's easy enough not to feel guilty if you don't love/care for your other half and you put your own desires above anyone else's.

 

Also, when you get to the point of thinking and convincing yourself you deserve to be happy and feel entitled, I've seen people in affairs actually give themselves a pat on the back for taking control and doing what makes them happen.

 

I spent the evening out having dinner with my husband and our teenage children - I see them as products of our love.

 

We had our self time before and after.

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Sounds like a nice day! But can I ask a personal question - did you have sex with either of them? Or even both of them?

 

No sex with either that day.

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I have never said I haven't felt any guilt during this whole thing, I didn't Valentine's Day for sure because I made sure to focus my attention on who was focussing attention on me at the moment, and I went out of my way to think about the people I love.

 

I love both men and both love me, it was a good day and I'm not going to be cut down about it.

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I have never done anything with my MM on valentines before that I can remember it just worked out this time. Both of us were alone all day so we went out for lunch and back to his house to watch a movie .. and then in the evening my husband got home from work early he brought flowers and chocolates and a big smile and he never buys gifts so I was actually really surprised.

 

I know I should feel guilty, but I don't.

My husband gets gifts for every occasion I can think of I just never expect any myself.

 

I also bought coupld dozen roses and dropped a couple off with each of the women in my life around town! Some of them are single so it made their days !

 

 

Congratulations on having a great Valentines day. Don't let people judge you for enjoying your valentines day. You're a lucky gal, two men, your husband and married other man are lucky to have someone as special as you.

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No sex with either that day.

 

Ok thanks! This is my morbid curiousity with these situations! I could never have sex with my husband while having sex with my AP! Amazes me women have sex with two men in same day or whatever!!

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Ok thanks! This is my morbid curiousity with these situations! I could never have sex with my husband while having sex with my AP! Amazes me women have sex with two men in same day or whatever!!

 

 

 

I won't lie, it's happened before. But I think only a couple times in 5 years. I do try to keep thing in their boxes.. like a man I guess. The times that's happened I actually did feel very guilty. Actually had a full panic attack about it once.. the first year.

 

My husband is away, a lot.

More than he's home, so it's not something I have to think about very often.

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You do not know anything about my husband. My husband knows pretty much everything about me except for the fact that I'm actively in an affair, he knows my thoughts knows how I feel, he knows what I want out of life.

 

 

That's quite a huge "except" though, don't you think?

 

Your husband is being deceived in the most fundamental way by you. So much for honouring your vows, huh.

 

Getting back to the topic, I guess that it is impressive in a way that you were able to take the flowers and candy from your husband after spending afternoon w OM, without exhibiting a shred of guilt. But I'm not seeing how this is worth celebrating over.

Edited by Imajerk17
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If it's no big deal to your husband, why don't you just have an open marriage? What about your affair partners wife? Is she down with all of this?

 

I didn't love my exMM. It was all about sex for us. We very specifically kept emotions out of it. Like you I really didn't feel guilty when I was in the midst of it. Unlike you, I definitely didn't feel guilty about having sex with both of them.

 

And what DID make me feel guilty was when my husband was kind to me, when he looked at me in a loving way, when he paid me a compliment - I would think, oh honey, if you only knew..... Mentally I had given myself the label of "bad person" at that point.

 

These days, I know I have the capacity to be a bad person , my behavior during my affair surprised even myself. I have that little devil on my shoulder that can take over - so I am now conscious of keeping it at bay.

 

From my perspective, I can't understand loving two at once. Nor not feeling a twinge of regret when your spouse shows you love - knowing that your love is divided, and that you are not honest with him.

Edited by RecentChange
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had a great day thanks. Underwear and lovely bath stuff. best of all H made ( first time in his life) some bread which we ate with cheese and wine in the evening - in bed! Felt loved and valued and special. So did H. good day

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I come across hard here and I realize that sometimes when I read back my posts but I don't really apologize for it. I am not judging anybody I'm not being rude I'm just telling the truth how I see it for myself.

 

I don't think it is fair to over and over again give the same cookie-cutter advice that I should feel much more guilty than I do, and then always when that doesn't work there's some kind of threat about how WHEN we get caught his wife will forgive him and they will stay together but my husband won't forgive me and I will be kicked out and left alone with nobody to love me, My kids will be forever traumatized.

 

I've heard the lines before and I'm sorry but it just doesn't scare me because in my situation that isn't what would happen.

 

I know the risk and I am very very careful, nobody knows what's going on between us and I only come here sometimes to post I read a lot because it helps keep me feeling sane is very conflicting when you love two people. Doesn't mean I don't want it I do. I admit it.

There is many women and men post here who have left the other person and went back how is that any better we have just stayed together I admit I want him we don't try to end it.

I really actually don't care to be compared to anybody else, does every single situation is different and I don't catch any person who has a hard time leaving somebody that they love.

Me and my kids have a good life my husband has a good life he's just very rarely home I don't know if you know what it feels like to have your spouse gone, mostly without internet access, three weeks at a time, to come home for five days and leave again on the fishing trip for seven.

 

But I do. And it is hard. I am selfish in this one area of my life that could ruin the entire thing and I'm well aware of it I've put a lot of thought into it and I am taking that risk willingly and will admit to it if it ever comes to that.

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sunrise_sunset

I don't think you come across hard here -- I think you come across as merely having a completely different situation than 99% of the rest of the folks here (by the way, there are plenty of days I have dreamed of managing both relationships happily!!)...so back to your original question...VDay was HORRIBLE! Horrible. Nothing from H or the kids (not even a card!), nothing from xMM (didn't really expect anything), and you know what? The realization that I'm somewhere in the middle of these two situations mentally finally propelled me to get myself into IC.

 

Are there people in your life who know about your situation? Are they supportive? If so, you are incredibly lucky. I've got to navigate this without any help, but I'm grateful for a ****ty Valentine's Day to finally get that ball rolling. Can't wait to post next year that VDay was a GOOD DAY -- whatever that means at that point :)

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Mine wanted to see me the day before Vday. It's also his anniversary. Have seen him the last several years on that day. No gifts or anything. Don't celebrate this holiday.

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