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The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 17th February 2017, 8:32 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by AutumnMoon View Post
I have never done anything with my MM on valentines before that I can remember it just worked out this time. Both of us were alone all day so we went out for lunch and back to his house to watch a movie .. and then in the evening my husband got home from work early he brought flowers and chocolates and a big smile and he never buys gifts so I was actually really surprised.

I know I should feel guilty, but I don't.
My husband gets gifts for every occasion I can think of I just never expect any myself.

I also bought coupld dozen roses and dropped a couple off with each of the women in my life around town! Some of them are single so it made their days !

Congratulations on having a great Valentines day. Don't let people judge you for enjoying your valentines day. You're a lucky gal, two men, your husband and married other man are lucky to have someone as special as you.
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Old 17th February 2017, 10:35 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by AutumnMoon View Post
No sex with either that day.
Ok thanks! This is my morbid curiousity with these situations! I could never have sex with my husband while having sex with my AP! Amazes me women have sex with two men in same day or whatever!!
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Old 17th February 2017, 10:50 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by Jemima1234 View Post
Ok thanks! This is my morbid curiousity with these situations! I could never have sex with my husband while having sex with my AP! Amazes me women have sex with two men in same day or whatever!!

I won't lie, it's happened before. But I think only a couple times in 5 years. I do try to keep thing in their boxes.. like a man I guess. The times that's happened I actually did feel very guilty. Actually had a full panic attack about it once.. the first year.

My husband is away, a lot.
More than he's home, so it's not something I have to think about very often.
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Old 17th February 2017, 12:00 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by AutumnMoon View Post
You do not know anything about my husband. My husband knows pretty much everything about me except for the fact that I'm actively in an affair, he knows my thoughts knows how I feel, he knows what I want out of life.
That's quite a huge "except" though, don't you think?

Your husband is being deceived in the most fundamental way by you. So much for honouring your vows, huh.

Getting back to the topic, I guess that it is impressive in a way that you were able to take the flowers and candy from your husband after spending afternoon w OM, without exhibiting a shred of guilt. But I'm not seeing how this is worth celebrating over.
You'll thank me for saying that later.

Last edited by Imajerk17; 17th February 2017 at 12:10 PM..
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Old 17th February 2017, 12:37 PM   #20
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If it's no big deal to your husband, why don't you just have an open marriage? What about your affair partners wife? Is she down with all of this?

I didn't love my exMM. It was all about sex for us. We very specifically kept emotions out of it. Like you I really didn't feel guilty when I was in the midst of it. Unlike you, I definitely didn't feel guilty about having sex with both of them.

And what DID make me feel guilty was when my husband was kind to me, when he looked at me in a loving way, when he paid me a compliment - I would think, oh honey, if you only knew..... Mentally I had given myself the label of "bad person" at that point.

These days, I know I have the capacity to be a bad person , my behavior during my affair surprised even myself. I have that little devil on my shoulder that can take over - so I am now conscious of keeping it at bay.

From my perspective, I can't understand loving two at once. Nor not feeling a twinge of regret when your spouse shows you love - knowing that your love is divided, and that you are not honest with him.

Last edited by RecentChange; 17th February 2017 at 12:40 PM..
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Old 17th February 2017, 2:28 PM   #21
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had a great day thanks. Underwear and lovely bath stuff. best of all H made ( first time in his life) some bread which we ate with cheese and wine in the evening - in bed! Felt loved and valued and special. So did H. good day
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Old 17th February 2017, 2:29 PM   #22
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I wish it could last forever we talk about that all the time I don't know that I've actually could .
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Old 17th February 2017, 7:01 PM   #23
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I come across hard here and I realize that sometimes when I read back my posts but I don't really apologize for it. I am not judging anybody I'm not being rude I'm just telling the truth how I see it for myself.

I don't think it is fair to over and over again give the same cookie-cutter advice that I should feel much more guilty than I do, and then always when that doesn't work there's some kind of threat about how WHEN we get caught his wife will forgive him and they will stay together but my husband won't forgive me and I will be kicked out and left alone with nobody to love me, My kids will be forever traumatized.

I've heard the lines before and I'm sorry but it just doesn't scare me because in my situation that isn't what would happen.

I know the risk and I am very very careful, nobody knows what's going on between us and I only come here sometimes to post I read a lot because it helps keep me feeling sane is very conflicting when you love two people. Doesn't mean I don't want it I do. I admit it.
There is many women and men post here who have left the other person and went back how is that any better we have just stayed together I admit I want him we don't try to end it.
I really actually don't care to be compared to anybody else, does every single situation is different and I don't catch any person who has a hard time leaving somebody that they love.
Me and my kids have a good life my husband has a good life he's just very rarely home I don't know if you know what it feels like to have your spouse gone, mostly without internet access, three weeks at a time, to come home for five days and leave again on the fishing trip for seven.

But I do. And it is hard. I am selfish in this one area of my life that could ruin the entire thing and I'm well aware of it I've put a lot of thought into it and I am taking that risk willingly and will admit to it if it ever comes to that.
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Old 17th February 2017, 7:27 PM   #24
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I don't think you come across hard here -- I think you come across as merely having a completely different situation than 99% of the rest of the folks here (by the way, there are plenty of days I have dreamed of managing both relationships happily!!) back to your original question...VDay was HORRIBLE! Horrible. Nothing from H or the kids (not even a card!), nothing from xMM (didn't really expect anything), and you know what? The realization that I'm somewhere in the middle of these two situations mentally finally propelled me to get myself into IC.

Are there people in your life who know about your situation? Are they supportive? If so, you are incredibly lucky. I've got to navigate this without any help, but I'm grateful for a ****ty Valentine's Day to finally get that ball rolling. Can't wait to post next year that VDay was a GOOD DAY -- whatever that means at that point
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Old 17th February 2017, 7:37 PM   #25
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Mine wanted to see me the day before Vday. It's also his anniversary. Have seen him the last several years on that day. No gifts or anything. Don't celebrate this holiday.
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Old 17th February 2017, 11:28 PM   #26
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No advice giving, this is the OW/OM side of the board, TBH, while I might not approve of your situation, it is your situation and when or if you need or ask for advice I might add to the replies. For now, I appreciate your honesty on here, I like you don't make excuses or blame anyone, far too often posts blame the BS, far too often people post saying one thing and doing another.

My VD was spent with my H, we did much the same as every other day, I am of the mind that love should be shown 365 days of the year and not just one day. In fact, I would hate to get flowers and a card just because the calendar says he should. So, we spent the day much the same as each day, we did dance to our song, but we do that anyway and we drank champagne watching the stars, which we often do. I just love that we show love no matter what the day.
I have a MM, he is my husband, my best friend, soulmate, lover and keeper of my heart. I reciprocate.
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Old 18th February 2017, 5:23 AM   #27
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I don't know how this became a bake on Autumn thread, but we had a good day. Flowers, gifts, dinner with the fam.

Also on that day I learned that h's ex has gone through the money she received in the divorce!! I am so glad she is not our problem.
The flu also came our way but thankfully waited until the day after valentines.
It's the anti-socialite, not-so-christian -
That'll talk more sh*t than bitter and old women. -Mac Lethal
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Old 19th February 2017, 4:31 PM   #28 Moderator Moderator
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Due to a complete inability to stay on the intended topic this one will remain closed ~T
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