BabyDont Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Serious question has any MM here got to the point where they are more loyal to their mistress than their wife? He has started to say I love you all of the time just told me he's starting to feel like he's cheating on me when he's with his wife. No he is not just telling me what I want to hear he actually means I've heard it from friends of his and I also know his wife. He doesn't want to leave her yet I am not saying that he does, not future faking anything . But if he's starting to feel this way is it going to get more intense? I found out they have not been intimate in almost 2 months and she says she refuses to let him touch her until she starts seeing a change in him, I asked him if he was going to change and he said no way. I am single and happy the way things are so I am not sure what I want yet . His wife also sent him to counselling for what she believes is a sex addiction which his counsellor says yes he is addicted he also said he spends more time talking about me with his counsellor than he does about his marriage Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 You know if he's truly a sex addict, you're not his only side piece. And how did you find out that they're not intimate? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 He is just telling you that... Why would you ever want to be with a man who cheats on his wife? If he will do it to her, he will do it to you. Don't be distracted by the "I love you" talk. He loves the attention, he loves the sex, and he loves the excitement of it all. And yes, if he really is addicted to sex, it is highly likely that you are not the only one. Or, if he ever leaves his wife to be with you... which he probably won't... he will then have a position to fill... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BabyDont Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 You know if he's truly a sex addict, you're not his only side piece. And how did you find out that they're not intimate? There were other women in between but wouldn't call them side pieces so much as bumps in the road. I was told about each one, he knows he can share with me. I've dated others too during the same period. I'm not going to give too many details on how I know what, but I even know the last timewas in early December. He Actually down plays just how little they have sex but I know from her to Link to post Share on other sites
HeCantBreakMe Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Wait so you talk to his wife about them?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BabyDont Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 Ditch the cliche answers No he's absolutely not just telling me what I want to hear I get my information from all sorts of angles he does not need to lie to me anyway I am happily single and do not want that to change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BabyDont Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 Wait so you talk to his wife about them?? We run in the same circles. I consider her close aquentence .. she's an oversharer though. The few times that I have been with her and another person or drinking I have been told things I would've never wanted to hear about her relationship. I'm also very close to some of her friends and his best friend is my first cousins who I spend a lot of time with. I often feel like I fly on the wall trying to keep my blindfold down and my ears covered. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 (edited) How in the world do you talk with this woman and her family/friends while you sleep with her husband? I'm sorry, I don't want to be judgmental, but seriously... how do you do that? Somehow, by saying that you are happily single and say that you don't want more, does this somehow justify your behavior... You clearly feel very confident in the fact that he loves you. You like the fact that he talks about you more wih his counsellor than his wife. Does this make you feel like somehow you have the upper hand? This man is a serial cheater with no remorse. And you... I'm afraid, you will deserve exactly what you will get with him... Edited February 11, 2017 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Sex addicts are emotionally unavailable. Emotionally unavailable people chase and fall in love with people who they can't really have full and honest intimate relationship with. They avoid true intimacy by various means such as creating drama, cheating, addictions, etc. Your MM avoids intimacy with his wife by trianglating his marriage with other women. He avoids intimacy and honesty with you by staying married and keeping his wife. If he ever left his wife for you then he would have to find another woman to cheat on you. By reading some of your other posts it seems that you are also somewhat emotionally distant and removed due to traumatic experiences you had when you were younger so no surprise that you too have fallen in love with an unavailable man. Two emotionally unavailable people who think they are madly in love with each other because they are each just out of reach. This won't end well for anyone. To sum up, your MM may feel more loyal to you than his wife but he is not a loyal person so his words don't mean much. He will never be loyal to just one person be it his wife or any of his OW. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BabyDont Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 I don't talk to her about it I just said me and her aren't friends we just hang out with some of the same friends and she shares information that I would rather she didn't . It's more like I'm sitting at the same table while she starts saying the stuff, I don't talk to her about it, I actually get up and leave the table often when it starts. I don't feel that guilty. This woman has had her own affairs, which she has also volunteered and I have not told her husband the things that she says. But I've heard many things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BabyDont Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 The thing about the counseller.. I am very curious why he would go to a counsellor to try to deal with this marriage but mostly talk about me he's told the guy he loves me he's told him all about me. We just think he would focus more on his issues to do with his marriage and I guess I'm that issue ! His counsellor did not tell him to leave me. I have a hard time believing that part Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 I have a hard time believing the whole thing... To each their own, I really don't wish you pain. But, this is a tangled mess of infidelity and based on the information you have shared, nobody seems to be remorseful about the lying and cheating that is occurring. I can't imagine sleeping with a man, spending time with his wife, and then saying "I don't feel guilty." I really hope that you don't develop strong feels and expect that this guy will ever leave her for you... Because that is unlikely. I'm not even sure why you would want that, because he sounds like a selfish, serial cheater never to be trusted. And if they haven't already had children, I really hope they don't bring children into this mess... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Do you love him? You say you're happily single...but he's infatuated and in love with you. Would you be with him if he left his wife? Or are you wanting to be single? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BabyDont Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 Do you love him? You say you're happily single...but he's infatuated and in love with you. Would you be with him if he left his wife? Or are you wanting to be single? I definitely love him. I never said it until he started to constantly but I have felt it for years. Yes I just never wanted to be upgraded to the main woman in his life because I've seen exactly what she gets and I don't want that . If they broke up yes we would most likely end up in an open situation together since neither one of us believe in sexual monogamy all that much I just don't think it's for me I do love him very much and would choose him if it came to that . Have no desire to try to break up their marriage my life is good right now . Link to post Share on other sites
Author BabyDont Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 He has said before that when he has cheated on her with other people he's felt more guilty for not being with me than cheating on her. He has not lied to me about anything I know that's very hard to believe on a forum like this where everybody wants to tell us that all they do is lie . Reason me and him work is because he has never had to lie to me . Yes he was definitely a serial cheater before I came along I am sure he lied to every one of them but I called him out a few times that he tried to and since I know so many people around him I got the information anyway I never had to ask for it I never had to snoop we just live in a small town and know all the same people. Plus I don't care. I am not a slut but I definitely explore my options I have fun and I would not want to be with anybody that would tell me that I could not be with somebody else physically to me emotional connection is much more important. But I absolutely would not see a relationship with anybody that did not understand my need for the physical side mean him agree on that completely we are like the same person. He has been with three people since me and him started just told me about each one he tried to downplay the one relationship acting like it only happened once when it happened a few times. He did tell me without me having to ask, but he didn't do so immediately. I think at first he thought I would leave and then he realized that I really wanted to hear and I wasn't getting jealous and I wasn't telling him it was wrong. Just very open with each other but obviously if I was married to him there might be some trust issues I think I would have trust issues with anybody I married which is why I don't plan to. I love him more than I've ever loved anybody else. I do you get jealous at times of emotional connection but never physical he knows that so that's why sometimes I've wondered if he tells me what I want to hear but then I will go out drinking and she'll end up sitting at my table and over share for an hour confirming absolutely everything he's ever said. I kind of want things to stay how they are, but with their relationship going downhill and the things he is saying to me are getting more and more intense I wondering how long it can possibly last now . I guess I just feel like somethings about to give. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 His counsellor did not tell him to leave me. well... sometimes, counseling helps couples to part amicably. the point of counseling isn't always to repair the marriage - sometimes, it helps people leave and do the transition easily. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 There were other women in between but wouldn't call them side pieces so much as bumps in the road. I was told about each one, he knows he can share with me. I've dated others too during the same period. I'm not going to give too many details on how I know what, but I even know the last timewas in early December. He Actually down plays just how little they have sex but I know from her to So you and his wife are friends so confides in your about their sex life, reaffirming what he's told you? When your affair comes out, she will be very upset and feel betrayed by both of you since you and his wife are friendly. Either way, what is the end goal here? For them to divorce, him to leave her and be with you? Or will the affair just go on until there's a dday? (discovery day of the affair). What if he doesn't end up leaving decides to stay and ends the A with you? Do they have children? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 He may not 'lie' to you, but he certainly omits truths from you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 I'd say him and his wife are a perfect match for each other. They both like extra relationships on the side, so with the cost of divorce, he may not see the need to leave her. And I'm not sure how you're saying he's more loyal to you than her at the moment. If it's because of him saying he talks about you in therapy... Well you only have his word for that and I'm not sure why you'd believe that without a doubt. I honestly can't imagine sitting on the same table and being in the same circle of the woman who's husband I was having an affair with.... And when her and the other friend find out, you will be called the name (starting with S and ending with T) that you said you aren't. One more thing women do tell lies about their marriage in the company of others.... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BabyDont Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 No. me and her are not friends. I would never hang out alone with her and if something did come out I would not feel any sense of betrayal on her behalf because we are simply acquaintances I have never tried to befriend her . Just have a lot of the same friends so we hang out at the same places and she gives out way too much information. She has had two affairs but since they are not really known about by very many people she kind of pretend that didn't happen. I want Things to stay how they are. I do not want things to change. I say he's being more loyal to me because of things lately, not of course not just the counselling stuff. It's about huge aspects of his life that he refuses to tell her. Has many many secrets from her. They have two kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BabyDont Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 They do not have an open situation you would never describe them as compatable at all if you knew them. Complete opposites. She says she's not attracted to him, her affairs have been emotional. His were all physical until me. I had wanted this to stay physical too but after 5 years, things change. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 She says she's not attracted to him, her affairs have been emotional. His were all physical until me. I had wanted this to stay physical too but after 5 years, things change. So you are no longer in a physical relationship with him? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Then perhaps you and he are more compatible, as neither of you are monogamous either. He's been a serial cheat and in an affair for five years! You don't think she's sensed his behaviour and that's why she doesn't want sex with him? When you say she had emotional affairs, do you mean she was emotionally invested in the but they were physical as well or purely emotional? I'm not really sure what your overall question is. You feel you are his number 1 and he tells you everything... That can happen when you're sort of partners in crime. If you're happy as you are and still want to be where you are in another 5 years that's your call. Maybe in that time, his wife will find a man she's attracted to and be done, so you can be together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BabyDont Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 So you are no longer in a physical relationship with him? Yes, we are, but it's emotional now that connection is strong and we get together a lot without being physical at all now which never really happened before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BabyDont Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 My question I think originally was is something going to give. Do I have any hope in keeping the status quo for now if you saying I love you almost every day talking to me about his therapist and discussing divorce with his wife and other people. He's being careless now. Letting people know about us, saying he wants to scream it out to the world telling me he wants people to know how I make him feel when I used to be a huge secret and he was very careful about keeping it that way . I am just wondering if things are about to blow up . Wanted them to stay the same . Link to post Share on other sites
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