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NC at work


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 16th August 2017, 6:52 PM   #76
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Update - 2 months NC

I'm doing so much better! This place was a lifesaver for me.

There are times that I still miss him but for the most part I can't believe I ever got involved with this guy. He is really showing his character (or lack thereof) at work these days. I wouldn't be surprised if he got fired, and I'm not the only one who is noticing.

In some ways I feel sorry for him. I wish I could've helped him somehow because deep down I think he's a very broken and lonely person. I could've been a good friend to him, and I wish he'd been able to see that.
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Old 17th August 2017, 1:05 PM   #77
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Originally Posted by jah526 View Post
I'm doing so much better! This place was a lifesaver for me.

There are times that I still miss him but for the most part I can't believe I ever got involved with this guy. He is really showing his character (or lack thereof) at work these days. I wouldn't be surprised if he got fired, and I'm not the only one who is noticing.

In some ways I feel sorry for him. I wish I could've helped him somehow because deep down I think he's a very broken and lonely person. I could've been a good friend to him, and I wish he'd been able to see that.
that's good. Do NOT let your guard down. When he realizes you are "free" of him, he may try to "reel" you back in. He knows how to play on your emotions. As hard as it is right now, you have to admit you're still in a better place.

Keep going! You're doing great. You will still have some bad days and set backs, but ride them out and focus on you and your growth.
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Old 2nd September 2017, 10:43 PM   #78
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is nc cruel?

It feels like that sometimes. I know through the grapevine that MM is having a hard time. He's barely showing up to work and he isn't speaking to anyone or doing much real work when he is there. He tried to start a fight with someone the other day. I don't think any of this is directly related to me but indirectly maybe he needed my support and attention.

I am really conflicted and I am starting to feel like I'm being cruel. I don't hate him, and while he did and said some hurtful things, I really don't believe he ever intended to hurt me. I know I should let him sort this out or let his wife help him, but I sometimes feel like I was the one person he could really be himself with. Part of me will always care for him, I think, and it hurts to see him hurting and knowing I might be part of the cause.
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Old 3rd September 2017, 12:00 AM   #79
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It feels like that sometimes. I know through the grapevine that MM is having a hard time. He's barely showing up to work and he isn't speaking to anyone or doing much real work when he is there. He tried to start a fight with someone the other day. I don't think any of this is directly related to me but indirectly maybe he needed my support and attention.

I am really conflicted and I am starting to feel like I'm being cruel. I don't hate him, and while he did and said some hurtful things, I really don't believe he ever intended to hurt me. I know I should let him sort this out or let his wife help him, but I sometimes feel like I was the one person he could really be himself with. Part of me will always care for him, I think, and it hurts to see him hurting and knowing I might be part of the cause.
Um no. You aren't being cruel. He was. He isn't your problem anymore. Your well-being is. If he's having a hard time, that's on him.

Yes he did intend to hurt you. This like an abused person who keeps going back to the abuser because he didn't really intend to hurt her/him. The things he did and said were not okay.

Don't undo the growth you've made. If he's feeling low, he's going to contact you soon and this is where you will need to be the strongest. Or mark my words, you will be back in that vicious cycle.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 3:12 PM   #80
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100% dead on here...

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Originally Posted by deadsoul View Post
Um no. You aren't being cruel. He was. He isn't your problem anymore. Your well-being is. If he's having a hard time, that's on him.

Yes he did intend to hurt you. This like an abused person who keeps going back to the abuser because he didn't really intend to hurt her/him. The things he did and said were not okay.

Don't undo the growth you've made. If he's feeling low, he's going to contact you soon and this is where you will need to be the strongest. Or mark my words, you will be back in that vicious cycle.
100% dead on here...

He is not your problem. He is a grown man.

Please realize that and continue moving on with your life...
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Old 4th October 2017, 9:20 PM   #81
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Originally Posted by jah526 View Post
I am really conflicted and I am starting to feel like I'm being cruel. I don't hate him, and while he did and said some hurtful things, I really don't believe he ever intended to hurt me. I know I should let him sort this out or let his wife help him, but I sometimes feel like I was the one person he could really be himself with. Part of me will always care for him, I think, and it hurts to see him hurting and knowing I might be part of the cause.
Jah, he's a grown man. Yes, he may be hurting, but that's neither your fault nor your responsibility. If he's hurting, he can look to his wife for support. Or talk to a friend. Or go to a counselor.

What he can't do (or shouldn't) is go around looking for OW to fill that need, paying no attention to how much it hurts that woman. Think of how much he hurt you. Don't let him do that again. He chose his wife, let her deal with this mess of a human being.

Last edited by FoundMyStrength; 4th October 2017 at 9:27 PM..
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