LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > The Other Man / Woman

NC at work


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

Like Tree99Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 23rd June 2017, 7:21 AM   #61
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 578
Two things are very apparent to me.

First, you are in a typical affair. You trade sex for attention. He trades attention for sex. You think you can remain friends-thus still getting your attention fixes--but his actions tell you that's not what he will settle for.

Second you mentioned something I took as your concern you are being phased out at work. When handed lemons make lemonade. This is an opportunity to seek a new job while you are still employed. And an opportunity to put MM in your rear view mirror by getting another job elsewhere where you will not see him passing by.

I guess I have a third thought. As I have often posted, Rule 1 for a MM in an A is that it's always easier to try to keep an AP tahan it is to find, groom, and seduce a new AP. The corollary of that rule is the Kenny Rogers postulate: you gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, when to walk away, know when to run... He's making that determination now independent of your feelings.

Help the poor man decide. NC means no contact. Physical or verbal. And includes texting etc. If he figures you are really gone, he'll do the full court press on other candidates and move on from you. That should be your goal if it isn't your goal already. It's the right thing to do. (I don't recall you mentioning his BW or his family situation in your posts).

I hope I haven't violated the guidelines with these 2 x 4's.
jah526 likes this.

Last edited by Bufo; 23rd June 2017 at 7:24 AM..
Bufo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd June 2017, 10:35 AM   #62
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 331
Thanks for your thoughts Bufo. What I think or feel has no impact on his decisions. He already decided a long time ago. He's been grooming this one from almost when it started with me - about a year. He's just ramping up the heat now.

And actually I think this one may know about his situation and be ok with it (he is married with 2 small kids). She is a party girl and an excon. Probably much better suited to his needs.

NC will probably suit him just fine. I'm gone and not causing him any problems. Great for him.
Bufo likes this.
jah526 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd June 2017, 2:44 PM   #63
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 548
You gotta take back control. How can you "end up" at YOUR house if that's not what you want? It's your house! Remember this guy is a sociopath and a sexual assaulter. The sooner he is out of your life, the better. Hugs xoxoxoxo
jah526 likes this.
Birdies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd June 2017, 3:10 PM   #64
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 331
Quote:
Originally Posted by Birdies View Post
You gotta take back control. How can you "end up" at YOUR house if that's not what you want? It's your house! Remember this guy is a sociopath and a sexual assaulter. The sooner he is out of your life, the better. Hugs xoxoxoxo
Yep. I know a lot of this is my fault. I can't seem to say no to him. He dangles the friendship bait and I bite every time. Maybe I'm just that lonely. But what I can do is not respond, and that's what I will do. Pathetic that it had to come to him moving on to someone else to finally end it. Not saying I don't deserve it.
jah526 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd June 2017, 4:00 PM   #65
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 548
You DON'T deserve it. He is a sociopath who preys on people. I'm glad you're feeling strong about not responding. Keep it up!
jah526 likes this.
Birdies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd June 2017, 9:09 PM   #66
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 674
Quote:
Originally Posted by jah526 View Post
Yep. I know a lot of this is my fault. I can't seem to say no to him. He dangles the friendship bait and I bite every time. Maybe I'm just that lonely. But what I can do is not respond, and that's what I will do. Pathetic that it had to come to him moving on to someone else to finally end it. Not saying I don't deserve it.
Don't give him this power. It's not that you can't, it's that you won't. Be strong within yourself. Know you are worth more and deserve better. Every interaction with him gives you that momentary high and then you crash and burn. Every single time.

Easier said than done. But he may have done you a favor moving on. You may not see it right now, but down the road you will be thankful that's not you.

Take care of you. I can say the words you deserve better, but you have to start acting like you do. Stay NC.
cloche and jah526 like this.
deadsoul is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th June 2017, 12:22 PM   #67
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 331
Well, it's over, just like that. I sent him a very short text saying that I was done, we aren't friends, and asked him to delete my number. He sent back an even shorter text saying "Same here too. Deleted."

Which confirms my suspicions that he is involved with this girl.

But eh, it's over. What a waste.
jah526 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th June 2017, 2:29 PM   #68
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 548
You will look back on this and thank yourself for being such a badass and getting this toxic dude out of your life! Proud of you girl!
Birdies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th June 2017, 2:38 PM   #69
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 331
Thanks, Birdies. You have been a great support to me.
Birdies likes this.
jah526 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th June 2017, 2:49 PM   #70
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 674
Quote:
Originally Posted by jah526 View Post
Well, it's over, just like that. I sent him a very short text saying that I was done, we aren't friends, and asked him to delete my number. He sent back an even shorter text saying "Same here too. Deleted."

Which confirms my suspicions that he is involved with this girl.

But eh, it's over. What a waste.
It doesn't seem like it now, but he just did you a HUGE favor. HUGE. When you can get past some of the pain, start looking hard at how dysfunctional this was and how you deserve so, so much better.

If anything, you should probably pity the girl, but she is not your concern. Nor is he.

The day will take a long time to come. But know that it will, where you say, "I'm worth so much more than this." And you will believe it. Set this as your goal and work toward it. It's one of mine.

But right now, allow yourself to grieve. Just take steps to better yourself and you'll find you'll grieve less.

PS. Don't make this a waste. You have some valuable learning and growing to do from this whole experience. And that, my friend, is not a waste.
deadsoul is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th June 2017, 10:15 PM   #71
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 331
Thanks deadsoul. I'm feeling pretty much relieved. The only thing that makes me angry is that I feel like I've made it easy for him. Oh well. At least he knows he won't have me to come back to if and when this new thing goes south.
jah526 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th June 2017, 9:23 AM   #72
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 331
one more question

The bracelet - it's a pretty cheap one and for obvious reasons I don't want it anymore. I had the thought of giving it back to him, leaving it on his desk, but I feel like even that is breaking no contact. I guess I could give it to someone else - maybe his gym instructor? Haha.
jah526 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th June 2017, 11:26 AM   #73
Established Member
 
Adoraxx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 452
Put it in the trash :-). it's what I did with my xMM's (broken) bracelet too and a few rocks that he gave me. I burned his pics and notes and had my own little bonfire there
jah526 likes this.
Adoraxx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th June 2017, 12:44 AM   #74
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 578
Don't give the bracelet to his gym instructor. Why give him ANY reason to contact you. Give it to the Salvation Army or,other such charity so it's gone from your life, just like he is.

I know it hurts now but try to be thankful,that he has moved on. That solves a big problem you've had.
jah526 likes this.
Bufo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th June 2017, 9:43 AM   #75
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 331
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bufo View Post
Don't give the bracelet to his gym instructor. Why give him ANY reason to contact you. Give it to the Salvation Army or,other such charity so it's gone from your life, just like he is.

I know it hurts now but try to be thankful,that he has moved on. That solves a big problem you've had.
I wasn't really going to give it to her. But it did make me laugh, thinking it would make her wonder how special that special gift really was.

It will probably end up at Goodwill.
jah526 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
She broke no contact wishing to work out a solution at work, should I reply? Sam1986 Breaks and Breaking Up 68 12th November 2014 1:27 PM
How do employers view willingness to work interview around work schedule? pink_sugar Business and Professional Relationships 10 17th December 2012 7:14 PM
wait for full-time work or find side work now? Guest Business and Professional Relationships 0 30th April 2006 2:59 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:24 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.