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Stay or Leave [UPDATE: I called his wife]


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 29th January 2017, 12:35 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by Deidre View Post
I would definitely leave this guy, and start over fresh without any guy in your life, because you don't love your husband. It will hurt, but this guy sounds like a jerk who wants to have two women in his life. Don't be that other woman, and I feel sorry for his wife, too.

Hugs and be strong. I'd end this, and go no contact with him. No texting, block his number, etc. He isn't worth it.
You are right..i dont really have any feeling left for my husband. He turn back to his wife. I dont even have the feeling want to be with my husband anymore. Its just terrible..i wanted to leave this MM, but the 3 years relationship is so real..with the bond with his family...i just so heartbroken...
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Old 29th January 2017, 12:39 AM   #17
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I second this. This is a man who is calling his wife and telling her that he's not with you WHILE YOU ARE LIVING TOGETHER. He is a selfish, confused narcissist. You may love him, but there is no point or value being with this man. If he can't make a decision after 3 years of being with you, he won't ever make that decision. Let him go.
I know what you are saying is the fact. I lied to myself and believe what he said, its for the sake of the kids. I just dont know how to leave without hoping to save this relationship. We both put a lot of effort on this. He did let his wife left and didnt chase her back...
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Old 29th January 2017, 8:03 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
Happens all the time. The fun is over and he's going back to the real world.

Not complicate at all. Pretty typical for the most part.
This is my first time facing this kind of situation. I thought the affair is real. Thats why i allow my self to separate from my husband to he with him. He allow his wife to leave the house with the children. Then he brought me in. It was so real. He could have leave me and chase her back that time but he didnt. Am i just a fool for him..im confused what he wants..and im even more confused how fast he changed recently...we are still staying together but we arent intimate anymore...
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Old 29th January 2017, 8:26 AM   #19
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You may want to get some plans in place for your future or you may be left out in the cold very quickly and unfortunately by the sounds of it easily too. Don't allow someone to leave you hanging in the air like this, quite selfish on their part IMO. This really hurts I know.
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Old 29th January 2017, 8:57 AM   #20
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I bet your husband was just as confused. Have you considered counseling?
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Old 29th January 2017, 12:10 PM   #21
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You've gotten good advice here. Believe his actions, not his words.
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Old 30th January 2017, 4:01 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by CuriousQD View Post
You've gotten good advice here. Believe his actions, not his words.
Will i ever regret leaving him ?
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Old 30th January 2017, 4:22 AM   #23
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Will i ever regret leaving him ?
Nope. But you will regret all the energy you've expended on him (IMHO). Take care of you.
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Old 30th January 2017, 12:54 PM   #24
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Will i ever regret leaving him ?
Yes, at times. I have moments where I regret every major decision I've ever made, where I wonder if another choice might have been better.

But you can only go with the evidence you have at the moment, and his actions tell you that you should run for the hills.

I have been lucky in having 2 major loves in my life, both of whom are still friends. xMM was my 3rd, and unfortunately he and I will never be friends. Love will come around again. It is not a once-in-a-lifetime thing. It's hard to see it now, but your MM is not the only one out there for you.
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Old 4th February 2017, 1:05 AM   #25
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Stay or leave - still attached with MM

Hello everyone, another update after the turmoil..after many arguements and bad days, im still here staying with him. We are living in a very weird and awkard situation. Sometimes before sleep or before dinner he will text his 'wife' then he will then act as if nothing and continue his moments with me. He said he wants to be with me, and will lost his direction without me. Im confuse and of course partially my heart wants me to stay. I had invested a lot in this man and he did acknowledge me by bringing me to met his parents and family during the moment when she was separated from him.
Buy it doesnt change the fact that she is coming back. And he accepted her for the sake of the children. He changed his phone password so that i wont looked into their conversations, he said it was to protect my feelings.
He make it clear that he can be irresponsible and just leave me like that. But he didnt. Despite me and him has no ties. Thats his arguement point to make me stay in his life.
I dont know. I scare the day will come that he will b sleeping with her again. I have been through those dark days earlier and i dont want to become the other women again. And she..she believe him the second time. She really thought im no longer with MM. She will be hurt if she found out again. Small voice inside my heart told me that i should call her...im not sure...what will happen. If i call her...
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Old 5th February 2017, 11:32 AM   #26
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You won't tell her the truth because you are scared he will leave you.
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Old 6th February 2017, 7:46 PM   #27
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You are right. I want to tell her. So that she will leave us alone. I dont know. What am i doing. I know he is a type that will just take whatever given. Thats why he is fine when she decided to leave nor she decided to come back. Thats why im afraid to leave too. He will just let me leave....what should i do...
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Old 7th February 2017, 12:40 AM   #28
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You are right. I want to tell her. So that she will leave us alone. I dont know. What am i doing. I know he is a type that will just take whatever given. Thats why he is fine when she decided to leave nor she decided to come back. Thats why im afraid to leave too. He will just let me leave....what should i do...
He is dicking you both you around. Partial truths, omitting truths and a bit of lying too.

Does he truly make you happy? From what you've said so far and the feeling I get from your posts is, you're miserable. Scared to let go, scared of the unknown, scared of being on your own without a man. I say END it with him and walk away. Rely on your friends and trusted family members to help you through this. And get counseling.

This guy is selfish and if he could continue having two women meet all his needs, that's the road he's going to take. He isn't committed to you at all and he's not committed to his wife either. They have kids together so they are tied to another on some level for life, you don't have kids with him, you aren't his wife therefore there's no reason for you to hang onto him. Cut your losses, grieve and cry it out. If you stay, you lose. He'll hurt you and you'll be in a constant state of anxiety and wondering if you can trust him.
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Old 8th February 2017, 8:44 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
He is dicking you both you around. Partial truths, omitting truths and a bit of lying too.

Does he truly make you happy? From what you've said so far and the feeling I get from your posts is, you're miserable. Scared to let go, scared of the unknown, scared of being on your own without a man. I say END it with him and walk away. Rely on your friends and trusted family members to help you through this. And get counseling.

This guy is selfish and if he could continue having two women meet all his needs, that's the road he's going to take. He isn't committed to you at all and he's not committed to his wife either. They have kids together so they are tied to another on some level for life, you don't have kids with him, you aren't his wife therefore there's no reason for you to hang onto him. Cut your losses, grieve and cry it out. If you stay, you lose. He'll hurt you and you'll be in a constant state of anxiety and wondering if you can trust him.
Thank you...i have to admit the truth of your words. Everyday im stuck reading my own post waiting for more comments telling me what i should do. Yes. At the moment my life is miserable. I fell like i am defending a stupid relationship. Im hurthing myself and the wife too. I know she had no choice to accept him back, truly, for the sake of the kids. I just felt like i had commited a lot and i shouldnt let go. I started as a secret. And if this continues..he gonna fix his relationship with his wife and i will again be a secret as he told her i am no longer with him...it does feel miserable..to see someone u love giving u up...
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Old 8th February 2017, 9:02 AM   #30
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You've had a lot of history with this man ice, but he has had more with his wife.

It's highly unlikely if you tell that she will give him the boot once and for all. If she's willing to reconcile after 3 years, he will go back. Or worse, play you both. Well, kind of like what he's doing now.

You may not be strong enough to walk away now (I so get that) but there will a day where one player in this card game throws in their hand....and it won't be him. You know what you have to do.
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