LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > The Other Man / Woman

Stay or Leave [UPDATE: I called his wife]


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

Like Tree356Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 28th January 2017, 4:41 AM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 127
Stay or Leave [UPDATE: I called his wife]

Hello everyone...my story is a bit complicated. Its an affair with my colleague. We are both married. And affair was in full bloom. And in the end. We kindof purposely let both our spouse know about this.

His wife leave him. And i leave my husband. We were together for real. He brings me in and stay with his family. Met his parents and siblings. Non of us got divorced yet..we just separated from both of our spouse since then and our affair seems to be accepted...after a year staying together..we both decided to quit our job and move to another city...life is great.

All friends and new colleagues identify us as husband and wife. Occasionally we back hometown to visit our family on our own. Fast forward 3rd year...his wife suddenly wanted a divorce. He panicked and want to kept her. I understand. It was for the sake of his children. But in a quick time. Suddenly he run out of love for me. He quickly changed and wanted privacy from me.

He was texting with her and calling her every day and night, trying to convince her back that he wanted the family and lied to her that we are no more together. I felt crushed. Everything shattered. I dont know should i stay or leave. Everytime i talk with him. He would say he love me. He said he still love me. He said life isnt the same without me. He wanted to stil be with me.

He is a very passive guy. When she ran away. He didnt chase her back. When she wanted to come back. He didnt do much either. I scared i made the wrong decision. I still in love with him. And we both move into this city with a hope. To rebuild our life together...

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 28th January 2017 at 5:55 AM..
ice3784 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2017, 11:28 AM   #2
Established Member
 
sandylee1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,864
Quote:
Originally Posted by ice3784 View Post

Fast forward 3rd year...his wife suddenly wanted a divorce. He panicked and want to kept her. I understand. It was for the sake of his children.

But he had left and was with you for three years. Why is it for the sake of the children all of a sudden?

He was texting with her and calling her every day and night,
trying to convince her back that he wanted the family and lied to her that we are no more together.

I think this is the point you should have made plans to leave. In front of your face he was begging her. Do you think it's because he's scared she has found someone else and wants to get married?
What has her response been?

I felt crushed. Everything shattered. I dont know should i stay or leave. Everytime i talk with him. He would say he love me. He said he still love me. He said life isnt the same without me. He wanted to stil be with me.

He is a very passive guy. When she ran away. He didnt chase her back. When she wanted to come back. He didnt do much either. I scared i made the wrong decision. I still in love with him. And we both move into this city with a hope. To rebuild our life together...
So he wants her back? Where does that leave you?

I'm a bit confused about what's going on.

If she's prepared to have him back after 3 years, does that mean he'll move back to her in the other city and you go back to being the OW?

If he's wanting her back and doesn't really love her, but simply wants to stop her from moving on, doesn't that tell you what a selfish person he is?

If his wife doesn't want him back, does he expect you to stay with him? Knowing he's only there because she said no.

What a crazy situation.

I'd leave if I were you.
__________________
'Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to'

'If a man wants a woman to be an angel, he must first create a heaven for her. Angels do not live in hell'
sandylee1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2017, 12:02 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 337
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandylee1 View Post

I'd leave if I were you.
I second this. This is a man who is calling his wife and telling her that he's not with you WHILE YOU ARE LIVING TOGETHER. He is a selfish, confused narcissist. You may love him, but there is no point or value being with this man. If he can't make a decision after 3 years of being with you, he won't ever make that decision. Let him go.
FoundMyStrength is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2017, 6:46 PM   #4
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 2,288
Leave.

He was using you as short term entertainment because his wife allowed it. Now that she wants to cut off their future with a divorce, playtime is over.

Affairs suck. Finalize your divorce and find a nice single guy.

Lesson learned
aileD is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2017, 6:55 PM   #5
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 48
so you two moved away - and he left kids? He goes back to visit how often? Are the kids young? Do you have kids?

Yikes, I'm not understanding why you are asking do you stay or leave....he is trying to win his wife back...that would be the big red flashing flag that would tell me to leave him.
Grammie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2017, 7:05 PM   #6
New Member
 
Blunana81's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Charlotte
Posts: 9
gawd this is exactly my situation, pretty much, except our history is a little longer and probably slightly more complicated, but the jist is pretty much the same. MY MM moved out of the wife's home back in august and moved in with me, then at the beginning of January has a change of heart and he wants to go back because he realized he eff'd up. He is already telling her we broke up months ago ( yet his ass was still living with me). Told her that he realized he made a huge mistake the moment he left ( yet stayed for 6 months with me). Told her actually BOTH of us realized we made a mistake.. wait a minute.. I NEVER SAID THAT. So he had been texting her all sort of apologies and admitting to regretting leaving.. how she and their son was the best thing that ever happened to them and that he would neve forgive himself for the pain he caused them both. I found all the messages on his iPad. We had shared pretty much everything, even each other passwords..but apparently one of us was NOT sharing what he felt..so..yeah.....
He's moved back over to his mothers house and I'm looking for a place with a woman i work with. It's not an ideal situation....but it is what it is. I want him to be happy, and i want me to be happy, even if we are not together. just my opinion, but i think you should do the same. Look out for yourself, because if you don't,....who will?
__________________
-=Decide what makes you happy and fight for it=-
Blunana81 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2017, 7:25 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 127
Yes..looks likely i will become the other woman again..if they are together again. It feels so weird. How would the other family member perceive me...they already know me. He told me he have to do this for the sake of the children. He lied to her and flatter her with loving text...
ice3784 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2017, 7:33 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blunana81 View Post
gawd this is exactly my situation, pretty much, except our history is a little longer and probably slightly more complicated, but the jist is pretty much the same. MY MM moved out of the wife's home back in august and moved in with me, then at the beginning of January has a change of heart and he wants to go back because he realized he eff'd up. He is already telling her we broke up months ago ( yet his ass was still living with me). Told her that he realized he made a huge mistake the moment he left ( yet stayed for 6 months with me). Told her actually BOTH of us realized we made a mistake.. wait a minute.. I NEVER SAID THAT. So he had been texting her all sort of apologies and admitting to regretting leaving.. how she and their son was the best thing that ever happened to them and that he would neve forgive himself for the pain he caused them both. I found all the messages on his iPad. We had shared pretty much everything, even each other passwords..but apparently one of us was NOT sharing what he felt..so..yeah.....
He's moved back over to his mothers house and I'm looking for a place with a woman i work with. It's not an ideal situation....but it is what it is. I want him to be happy, and i want me to be happy, even if we are not together. just my opinion, but i think you should do the same. Look out for yourself, because if you don't,....who will?
Thank you...looks like it was pretty similar..i hate this feeling..i dont know what to do...i really went through hell being the other women and once i get through the end of the tunnel...life gets better this happens
ice3784 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2017, 7:35 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grammie View Post
so you two moved away - and he left kids? He goes back to visit how often? Are the kids young? Do you have kids?

Yikes, I'm not understanding why you are asking do you stay or leave....he is trying to win his wife back...that would be the big red flashing flag that would tell me to leave him.
Yes we both had kids. The youngest was 2. He is trying to win his wife back cos she wants to divorce...
ice3784 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2017, 7:38 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by FoundMyStrength View Post
I second this. This is a man who is calling his wife and telling her that he's not with you WHILE YOU ARE LIVING TOGETHER. He is a selfish, confused narcissist. You may love him, but there is no point or value being with this man. If he can't make a decision after 3 years of being with you, he won't ever make that decision. Let him go.
Im in doubt to leave him. I dont know why im holding on hope...perhaps im still in denial..
ice3784 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2017, 8:22 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,037
Happens all the time. The fun is over and he's going back to the real world.

Not complicate at all. Pretty typical for the most part.
Marc878 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2017, 10:00 PM   #12
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 2,288
Quote:
Originally Posted by ice3784 View Post
Yes..looks likely i will become the other woman again..if they are together again. It feels so weird. How would the other family member perceive me...they already know me. He told me he have to do this for the sake of the children. He lied to her and flatter her with loving text...
He's not lying to her-he's lying to you
aileD is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2017, 10:52 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 3,434
I will never really understand why a woman would trust a man who has proven to a lying cheat...

He cheated on his wife with you, but now he's decided to go back to his family. I'm sorry for your pain, but there's not really much you can do. For your own best interest, leave him and find someone who will love and commit to you, because this man can not do this when he has a family.
BaileyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2017, 11:19 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Deidre's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: ...Somewhere else
Posts: 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by ice3784 View Post
Hello everyone...my story is a bit complicated. Its an affair with my colleague. We are both married. And affair was in full bloom. And in the end. We kindof purposely let both our spouse know about this.

His wife leave him. And i leave my husband. We were together for real. He brings me in and stay with his family. Met his parents and siblings. Non of us got divorced yet..we just separated from both of our spouse since then and our affair seems to be accepted...after a year staying together..we both decided to quit our job and move to another city...life is great.

All friends and new colleagues identify us as husband and wife. Occasionally we back hometown to visit our family on our own. Fast forward 3rd year...his wife suddenly wanted a divorce. He panicked and want to kept her. I understand. It was for the sake of his children. But in a quick time. Suddenly he run out of love for me. He quickly changed and wanted privacy from me.

He was texting with her and calling her every day and night, trying to convince her back that he wanted the family and lied to her that we are no more together. I felt crushed. Everything shattered. I dont know should i stay or leave. Everytime i talk with him. He would say he love me. He said he still love me. He said life isnt the same without me. He wanted to stil be with me.

He is a very passive guy. When she ran away. He didnt chase her back. When she wanted to come back. He didnt do much either. I scared i made the wrong decision. I still in love with him. And we both move into this city with a hope. To rebuild our life together...
I would definitely leave this guy, and start over fresh without any guy in your life, because you don't love your husband. It will hurt, but this guy sounds like a jerk who wants to have two women in his life. Don't be that other woman, and I feel sorry for his wife, too.

Hugs and be strong. I'd end this, and go no contact with him. No texting, block his number, etc. He isn't worth it.
__________________
~ Be true to you ~
Deidre is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2017, 11:21 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Deidre's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: ...Somewhere else
Posts: 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by ice3784 View Post
Im in doubt to leave him. I dont know why im holding on hope...perhaps im still in denial..
Most likely, because you're afraid of the unknown. The unknown will be better than being treated badly by him. He will only ever see you as a side thing, never someone he will commit to.
Deidre is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Did you contact your MM's wife? [UPDATE: More Drama] Ahurtgirl The Other Man / Woman 49 20th March 2017 9:48 PM
Abusive wife for the 5th time should I stay or leave? ferrari121 Separation and Divorce 26 10th October 2013 4:14 PM
Leave wife for younger woman or stay? TNguy Separation and Divorce 23 13th August 2012 12:46 PM
Update, "Wife wants to leave, no longer "in love" with me" hopeful26 Separation and Divorce 14 16th February 2008 1:10 AM
do i stay with my wife or leave for my lover? debbiegary Infidelity 0 26th October 2006 2:56 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:45 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.