toofarin Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 [font=arial][/font] Oh where to start... I'm a married man of under five years having an affair with another woman who is also married. We have been conducting our business secretly for about a year now. The two of us are in love with each other and have established an vast amount of feelings for each other. Just recently in one of our "visits" we were engaging in sexual intercourse and the indescribable happened. Her 7 year old daughter woke up from sleep and came downstairs and caught us. She was of coarse shocked and scared by the whole ordeal. She feels as if "Mommy" is going to leave her. She is too young in my beliefs, to understand what sex is and anything else involved with that. She hasn't had the "talk" and is obviously scared by the whole ordeal. This has opened both eyes for us and we plan on calling everything quits based on this tragic experience. What does "Mommy" do to explain the situation and comfort her daughter? Please Help!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 You were doing this in her house with the kids home? scumbag.... that kids is going to have some serious issues. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 That's what you want to think. What you both did was beyond any wod to describe. Very irresponsible behavior that will leave this innocent girl devastated for as long as one may imagine. Link to post Share on other sites
PattyCakes Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 I have been bashed by my views but on this one I totally agree. Having sex within that childs household and having the child walk in is downright selfish. I hope this woman knows she can lose her child this way, in a divorce battle ...if it came to that. Try telling a 7 year old to not say anything. Its an open invitataion to tell the world. Sorry I can not be of any help in what to say to this child. I have never had that experience. Link to post Share on other sites
PattyCakes Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Maybe right now she is. But once she gets older and figures things out she will know what her mother was up to. No matter what you say to her now...in time she will figure it out. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 That's really true. I totally agree. Link to post Share on other sites
notrust Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by toofarin [font=arial][/font] The two of us are in love with each other and have established an vast amount of feelings for each other. If you admit that you are in love with each other and are willing to take the risk of breaking up 2 marriages and hurting people, then why don't you leave your spouses and be together? Are you really in love? I am just trying to understand why people take huge risks because they are "in love". Why are you staying in a marriage if you are in love with someone else? You risk the security of everyone around you, but you are not willing to take the risk of walking away from your marriage? I am not judging. I have been involved in an affair. I am just trying to understand why people do what they do. Good luck to you. If you really are in love with this person, ending it is going to be the hardest thing you have ever done. I know. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Theyre really in LUST not love. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by sami Theyre really in LUST not love. You don't know that.. Link to post Share on other sites
Breathe Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Well, I'm not going to bash you as the damage is already done. You two are adults and you know what is and is not acceptable behavior. However, you have been found out. Don't subject this child to pain and pull her into your web of lies. The mother of the child needs to come clean to her husband before her daughter tells him first. Then she needs to sit down with the child and have some discussions so that she knows not to feel bad and assure her that nothing was her fault - among many other things. Whether or not your tell your wife is your choice. But if this child or wife tell the father//husband, he just may tell your wife before you do. You've done wrong, this is true. Now start making things right by being honest with those that love you both. It's going to hurt them, no doubt - but it's time your two start thinking about others and not yourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 I'd go as far as suggesting that the child be put into therapy. Soon. This is the kind of "emotional trauma" that shrinks are always talking about. Whenever I hear Dr. Drew on the radio talking with drug addicts, domestic violence victims, pregnant teens, etc. There is always some "incident" like this in the past. Mom is the most at fault for letting this go on in her own house. If two adults want to meet somewhere alone, fine. But in the house with the kids home? Mom would have done less damage if she'd giving the girl a beating. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Umm... there's really no nice way to say "Mommy was cheating on Daddy. My banging another man in our house while you are home is really no reflection on you or your father. It's just Mommy being selfish, careless and not caring who she hurts." Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 The other thing is, you both should come clean with your spouses. The 7 year old daughter WILL tell her father. Better it coming from his wife than his own daughter. It's good it ended and I hope you both stick to your word and not let the affair continue in a month or two. I'm not going to bash you either as I'm sure you and your lady friend BOTH feel absolutely horrible and hopefully regret putting yourselves in a situation where you could be caught. The possible upcoming reactions from her husband and your wife, and ofcourse this poor 7 year old, is going to be enough punishment. She needs to be very loving and unselfish now, by putting her daughter first. To be there for her daughter, to hold her and tell her she is never going to leave. What a mess though! For the whole family! I do agree with BB, therapy will help too. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Well, more than likely you've both put your respective marriages in the proverbial s***ter. And potentially messed up an innocent child in the process. This advice is really for your f***kbuddy, more than for you, but she's going to have to tell the husband she's betraying. Hopefully she's not so selfish as to (a) continue betraying him on the sly, or (b) tell her daughter to keep what she saw a secret. Children who keep secrets at the behest of a parent grow up into f***ked-up adults. Just ask my XW. Everybody else is right. Even if that little girl doesn't understand what she saw right now, she'll start to understand in the next couple of years. And she will figure it out. Kids aren't stupid. This has obviously been true since day one of your cheating, but it's even more true now. There are more people in harm's way than just your or your f***kbuddy. Either end the affair, or get out of your marriages. And whatever happens, at least do your spouses the courtesy of being honest with them. Maybe that way you can salvage a smidgen of respect from them down the road, if you're lucky. And maybe avoid getting anally raped in your respective divorces. Link to post Share on other sites
cheatersrsad Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 NOW I've heard it all. First of all, children are like sponges...soaking in their enviornment and what they hear and see daily. Of course she knows something is "not right." She's 7 years old not 7 months. And since many others already told you what a selfish irresponsible man you are...I still had to. Felt good to do it. Wish I could pass it on to "the love of your life" as well. And what gets me the MOST is that you say you both are in love and feel deeply about each other, but are going to end it based on what happened...? Huh? Did I miss something?? Why oh why would you do that when you are in love so deeply? I mean c'mon, you already jeopardized your marriages and had sex in her marital home with her daughter sleeping upstairs..clearly there's no boundaries that you two are concerned about crossing. Plus...it certainly sounds like you two deserve each other and your spouses deserve better. Do us a favor and let your next post be that you convinced your "love" to get her daughter counseling, you both fessed up to your cheating ways and you aren't going to blabber on here about this anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 Try locking the door next time. Yes, she'll have to confess to her husband. Child will need counseling or something. Or she'll be on Jerry Springer at age 12 saying she slept with 50 guys. If this is love and not lust, you should be able to control yourselves until you both leave your marriages. Link to post Share on other sites
onlyhuman Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Sometimes I read and reread, hoping that maybe I misread. I have nothing else to add that hasn't been said. I'm wondering if i'm the only one who truly gets sad reading some of these stories? BigB, you pretty well summed it up! What could be worth it to jeapordize a child? Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Originally posted by onlyhuman Sometimes I read and reread, hoping that maybe I misread. I have nothing else to add that hasn't been said. I'm wondering if i'm the only one who truly gets sad reading some of these stories? BigB, you pretty well summed it up! What could be worth it to jeapordize a child? Yes, it is very sad. People always say that their actions are not wrong as long as no one gets hurt. But someone is always getting hurt. And when it is your child, that is the worst kind of pain. Link to post Share on other sites
onlyhuman Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 The list of people who are going to get hurt here is long. I understand that this is a forum for help, people come here for advice, sometimes its hard to help when people are just so selfish.Maybe before requesting help people should at least act civilized,oh yeah, I must be dreaming. I hope this doesn't deter people who have lost their way and need help to fix the damage thay have caused. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 My Daughter is also 7 years old... with that out there, I cannot imagine how horrible that must have been for her daughter... She may not have understood all that was going on, but trust me when I say that she knew it wasn't okay... This IMO shouldn't be about the Mom *confronting* her daughter... this needs to be about the 2 of you coming clean to your spouses about whats been going on AND the Mom here IMO needs to sit her daughter down and tell her that she's sorry for what she (her little girl) saw.. that Mommy made a not good choice and it isn't her (the little girls) fault. She (the Mom) also needs to reassure the little girl that she (the Mom) isn't mad at her and that she isn't leaving her... bottomline this was a bad decision on MOMS part (and of course yours as well) and that sometimes adults make mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Mom4 Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 This 7 year old child should not have to carry the burden of poor adult choices. She really needs to have open dialogue with both her parents about this unfortunate situation. Nobody has to get graphic but I bet that when she walked in on the two of you Mommy's first reaction was to yell at her ( mostly out of shock I'm sure) She is going to feel like she has done something wrong, upset her mother, be embarrassed. This needs immediate attention. Once it is addressed with her she needs to be reassured that her Parents will never put her in this situation again. She is going to have trust issues and that can lead to depression. I think all adults should stop thinking about themselves right now and act like adults and put this child first. Once the issue is addressed I wouldn't go overkill either. Get her to move forward in a positive way and hopefully she will appreciate the honesty and love her parents gave her in response to this scene. As you can see, I mention HER parents, you should stay out of this! This is the advice I give your MW. Link to post Share on other sites
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