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Yes we really are in high school....


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Someone wrote in a different thread the other day something about how we are like children "high schoolers" in A.

 

There seem to be a lot of new people....but for those of you who know my story....The last couple of weeks had just been feeling like the end. The end of things.

 

I kept asking myself why am I doing this, why am I here. Last week MM and I talked. He said something about how I wanted to be rescued. But he couldn't rescue me. "you deserve more blah blah same old...."

I said yes maybe in the beginning yes. I wanted to be rescued I wanted out, I wanted out of my situation out from where I was. But not anymore. things changed and you're not that anymore you are so much more. I don't want to be rescued. I want a partner someone to share my life with and that cant and wont be you. I said I know I always come back but not this time.

 

Despite still seeing him at wrk and still occasionally talking. It's not the same. Because my heart is not in it. There's no future. And the wall has been building.

 

I actually went on a date Sunday. It was fun. I'm not looking for a relationship or anything serious but I'm moving forward.

 

One of my male co-workers who I've told a bit about A. Convinced me to sign up for OLD. So I did. It was the end of the day we were all done sitting around. So I'm looking at profiles. "swiping" Its fun and different and weird but whatever we are moving forward.

MM walks in and hears what is going on. Walks away.

 

I get a text later. "it was weird watching you swipe" You look cute with your new haircut and sass.

 

In that moment ya it totally felt jr high and high school again....Can I just gloat a little. Because that's what it felt like. I really wanted to say weird: Weird was everyone talking about your honeymoon and how happy you looked when you came back, while my heart was breaking. Weird was having to make up excuses why I didn't go to a party that everyone threw you "because we are such good friends". Weird is everytime I had to say hi to your wife and pretend like I was totally ok while feeling the most awful ***tty feeling knowing this awful thing I was doing. Weird, ya we can talk weird!!!

 

Instead I just said: thx.

 

I don't know what this new phase is....but I'm feeling pretty good.

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FoundMyStrength
Someone wrote in a different thread the other day something about how we are like children "high schoolers" in A.

 

Haha, yes, this was true of my A as well. One of the things that most struck me as high school was the staring. My xMM and I worked together in pretty close proximity, and before things got started, I would just notice him staring at me. Not nonstop, but fairly frequent throughout the day. I hadn't had that happen since high school. Those unrequited crushes who you would notice staring at you across the classroom out of the corner of your eye.

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Haha, yes, this was true of my A as well. One of the things that most struck me as high school was the staring. My xMM and I worked together in pretty close proximity, and before things got started, I would just notice him staring at me. Not nonstop, but fairly frequent throughout the day. I hadn't had that happen since high school. Those unrequited crushes who you would notice staring at you across the classroom out of the corner of your eye.

 

Oh yes. xMM and I would always give each other F*** me eyes across the room because at that point he was working a lot in my lab.

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19 when she started working for him. 20 and one month when the A started. 21 when it ended. He's 40

 

Yeah this is my life

 

WELL, neither one of them wasted any time there.

 

Poppy.

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WELL, neither one of them wasted any time there.

 

Poppy.

 

Yeah. Gross. And apparently she had been with "a lot of guys--like a lot" before my H (a direct quote from him).

 

But mommy thought she was a virgin. Another "trust issue" they had...that's another thread but yeah...he was like "she lied to her parents so easily...she could lie to me"

 

Duh

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HeCantBreakMe
Yeah. Gross. And apparently she had been with "a lot of guys--like a lot" before my H (a direct quote from him).

 

But mommy thought she was a virgin. Another "trust issue" they had...that's another thread but yeah...he was like "she lied to her parents so easily...she could lie to me"

 

Duh

 

Well, I cannot throw any stones at your husband due to my own affair. Sorry to hear all of this though Aile- sounds like you are doing better though.

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Well, I cannot throw any stones at your husband due to my own affair. Sorry to hear all of this though Aile- sounds like you are doing better though.

 

 

We are. Thank you. Once you have some distance you can start to see things a little clearer

L

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