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Crush on Doctor - Does he feel the same? [Update: doctor is married]


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 17th May 2017, 12:19 AM   #121
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I'm sorry, but you're coming across as quite delusional and out of touch with reality. You think he has a shoe/foot fetish because he mentioned your shoes once? Come on. And where did you get the idea he was turned on by supposedly hearing of you having risky sex? This is crazy and you need help.
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Old 17th May 2017, 12:24 AM   #122
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And why did you call him Pygmalion? I've read the play but I have no idea what you mean. It's just too odd.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 12:31 PM   #123
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Originally Posted by deadsoul View Post
You will not be emotionally unavailable. You can tell yourself that all day. But you will become attached. And the "if it's kept a secret..." part....? You're better than that. You don't want to take that risk.

You are at that crucial point where you could step away from this and this may be the point you look back on some day and wish you took a different path.

I wish you luck, OP. It sounds like you have it all figured out.
You are right, Deadsoul .. I become emotionally involved.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 12:34 PM   #124
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Your doctor will never have a personal relationship with you because he would lose his license to practice medicine. A personal relationship with a patient would undeniably be against the code of ethics.

Not going to happen because he would lose his ability to practice medicine - nevermind the fact that he is married. If you were my patient, I would be encouraging you to find another doctor because your professional relationship is very unhealthy.

You really should move on. I wish you luck as you work with your psychiatrist to focus on your own mental health and the issues you are dealing with in your life.
I am looking for a new family doctor ... I might have to see him one more time, but I don't want to have a professional relationship or a personal one with him ... I've seen the light.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 12:35 PM   #125
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I agree with what has been posted so far. He does not want to have an affair with you, and even if he did, he would not do it as it would ruin his career. You are fantasizing and it's not real.

Please get some mental health care. You do need it.

I'm a physician, and in my case, I can assure you that after 30+ years of practicing, this doesn't happen. No one who cares about their career would let it happen. If people in this profession wanted to have an affair, there are a million-plus others available to them -- they do not have to resort to their patient population, and they never would. It would be like committing suicide.
Thank for the feedback ... please read above post to Bailey.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 12:42 PM   #126
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I'm sorry, but you're coming across as quite delusional and out of touch with reality. You think he has a shoe/foot fetish because he mentioned your shoes once? Come on. And where did you get the idea he was turned on by supposedly hearing of you having risky sex? This is crazy and you need help.
You have to admit, sitting close to the patient directly and using a steady gaze, then telling her that if she "wore red boots instead of black, then that would show confidence", is really weird.

Plus, he glances at my feet the way other men glance at breasts.


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And why did you call him Pygmalion? I've read the play but I have no idea what you mean. It's just too odd.
I called him Pygmalian when he was becoming too bossy in my goal-setting. These goals are something that I really have to want, not just say I want them to please him. It was as though I was being groomed to be his statue or his Ms. Doolittle.

It was quite demeaning and controlling his tone, quite frankly.

But, he toned it down when I called him that.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 1:04 PM   #127
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My crush was unhealthy, but he still led me on I believe

So, I'm at the end of the road with this doc.

I haven't announced it yet and might have to see him one more time ... but I'll try to avoid even that.

During my last two appointments with him, when I got back from the city where I lived with a sorta-boyfriend, I mentioned that I ran into this guy by accident and we hooked up.

I also mentioned that this guy, 13-years younger, and I were close-enough even to have visited a swinging club together.

He seemed to get angry when he said, "So THIS [my seeing this guy] has been going on for quite some time."

So he forced me to get weighed. He never took my weight before, I always laughed and said "No way." He also took my blood pressure.

I cried and said sorry. He said, "Why are you sorry". I said,"For bringing up difficult matter." He said, "It's difficult. It's difficult to be a doctor."

Anyhow, I feel my doc made too much of a personal investment in me.

I had an appointment with psych and asked the psych to take over the prescribing. When psych wanted to know why, I just said I haven't achieved my goals and feel I've let my doc down. He (the psych) said he'd be fine to take over prescribing, but that I should perhaps talk to my doctor so as to get reassurance that I haven't let him down. Pysch said, "I have about 300 patients and I can't imagine how I would practice if I thought they'd let me down; surely, your doc feels this way, too." I just nodded.

So, that's where I'm at ...

Not planning to go back to my doc at all, really ....

I have got to get a new doctor somehow and fast.

I do not want a relationship, personally or professionally, with my doc.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 3:02 PM   #128
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So, I'm at the end of the road with this doc.

I haven't announced it yet and might have to see him one more time ... but I'll try to avoid even that.

During my last two appointments with him, when I got back from the city where I lived with a sorta-boyfriend, I mentioned that I ran into this guy by accident and we hooked up.

I also mentioned that this guy, 13-years younger, and I were close-enough even to have visited a swinging club together.

He seemed to get angry when he said, "So THIS [my seeing this guy] has been going on for quite some time."

So he forced me to get weighed. He never took my weight before, I always laughed and said "No way." He also took my blood pressure.

I cried and said sorry. He said, "Why are you sorry". I said,"For bringing up difficult matter." He said, "It's difficult. It's difficult to be a doctor."

Anyhow, I feel my doc made too much of a personal investment in me.

I had an appointment with psych and asked the psych to take over the prescribing. When psych wanted to know why, I just said I haven't achieved my goals and feel I've let my doc down. He (the psych) said he'd be fine to take over prescribing, but that I should perhaps talk to my doctor so as to get reassurance that I haven't let him down. Pysch said, "I have about 300 patients and I can't imagine how I would practice if I thought they'd let me down; surely, your doc feels this way, too." I just nodded.

So, that's where I'm at ...

Not planning to go back to my doc at all, really ....

I have got to get a new doctor somehow and fast.

I do not want a relationship, personally or professionally, with my doc.
You feel like your doctor made too much of a personal investment with you...

Honey, look in the mirror. Your behavior has been totally inappropriate. You have shared things about your personal life that are totally inappropriate to share with your doctor.

But now, you blame him for being unprofessional and inappropriate?

If I was your doctor, I would be doing a happy dance that you had decided to find another physician... I couldn't transfer your file fast enough...
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Old 22nd September 2017, 3:10 PM   #129
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You feel like your doctor made too much of a personal investment with you...

Honey, look in the mirror. Your behavior has been totally inappropriate. You have shared things about your personal life that are totally inappropriate to share with your doctor.

But now, you blame him for being unprofessional and inappropriate?

If I was your doctor, I would be doing a happy dance that you had decided to find another physician...
Thank you for your feedback, but I disagree. Sharing personal stuff is a part of the therapeutic process. If he weren't up for it, then he shouldn't have presented himself as having psychological training in his country and offered to see me all the time when I wasn't feeling well. (BTW, I felt great anxiety over having met my sorta-bf out-of-the-blue in the subway in a city of 3 million people.)

It's for him to be neutral and keep his opinions to himself.

Psych said that, apart from diseases, so long as it's mutual and no one is being hurt, then I have a right to my sexuality. Though, he did ask a few other questions as to frequency, to ensure I'm not a sex addict. AS for my drinking, I told psych I'm going to AA, but I slip sometimes. He said to take one day at a time and not to beat myself up about it but keep going to AA.

And I'm actually doing a happy dance for having come to my senses and actually dumping this doc like I was told on here previously.

Last edited by ja123; 22nd September 2017 at 3:43 PM..
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Old 22nd September 2017, 5:54 PM   #130
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His behavior was completely inappropriate and unprofessional! Good riddance! The sooner the better.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 6:23 PM   #131
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His behavior was completely inappropriate and unprofessional! Good riddance! The sooner the better.
Thank you!!! Wish I had listened to you earlier ... but, at least I've come to my senses now!

My friend, who also knows about my sex life, also said he was inappropriate and just that it was "odd" that he said, "It's difficult to be a doctor." If he were a serious professional, he should've asked whether I need an STI test.

Anyhow, thank you so much for all your advice! I reread the entire thread more than once, believe you me, to try to wean myself off this crazy-scenario that was in my head.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 7:04 PM   #132
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Thank you!!! Wish I had listened to you earlier ... but, at least I've come to my senses now!

My friend, who also knows about my sex life, also said he was inappropriate and just that it was "odd" that he said, "It's difficult to be a doctor." If he were a serious professional, he should've asked whether I need an STI test.

Anyhow, thank you so much for all your advice! I reread the entire thread more than once, believe you me, to try to wean myself off this crazy-scenario that was in my head.
You learned a confusing and painful lesson, never crush/fantasize about your family DR! Anyway, it's good that you see how things are now and you are making healthier choices that will only benefit you in the long run.
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Old 23rd September 2017, 2:32 PM   #133
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Should I write a formal letter to withdraw from his patient list?

Or, should I just not go back (without officially terminating the doc/patient relationship) and call psych to fax next prescription to pharmacy?

See, I need another prescription in the interim, 'till I see pysch again.
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Old 23rd September 2017, 2:56 PM   #134
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Therapist said I should keep doc, just in case I need him, as it's very hard to get a doc here.


I'm leaning toward writing the letter to really make the break. Anything else is just, well, keeping the door open in my mind... I shouldn't fantasize about walking in a year from now several pounds slimmer wearing red boots... just to say without words: "Eat your heart out, baby" and "f-off while you're at it!"
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Old 23rd September 2017, 3:00 PM   #135
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Did you mention that to your therapist?
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