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Crush on Doctor - Does he feel the same? [Update: doctor is married]


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 2nd March 2017, 9:34 PM   #46
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Family doctor??

I was under the impression this was a psychiatrist.

Something's odd here. Maybe they do things differently in your country, but here a family doctor calling every day to check on you is....... Something ain't Right.


Hi there,


This is Canada. I've never heard of it here, either.


In fact, I was a little taken aback when he suggested it, but he seems to be a spontaneous sort of person and perhaps spoke before thinking things through....


Or was he being opportunistic?


I hate to admit my dirty thoughts, but like I said before I will not initiate first ... AND ... it's starting to occur to me that maybe I'm some sort of addict who's replacing the booze with the prospect of a romantic (ne'er mind how illicit) relationship!!!

Last edited by ja123; 2nd March 2017 at 9:37 PM..
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Old 2nd March 2017, 10:27 PM   #47
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I'd call you an intellect. I don't think you're crazy, actually I think you maybe right about everything. Not 100 about, but I'd put my money on you.
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Old 2nd March 2017, 11:19 PM   #48
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Just to add, in general, I don't know whether my counselor's advice about relying on external motivation is the best advice.


Right now, I'm fantasizing about my doc and imagining telling him that I didn't have a drink on March 3rd...


Plus, I'll go to the gym.


He'll be proud of me and so will I.
This is all so wrong I don't know where to begin.

This doctor should have referred you to someone for your drinking problem. He's putting his license on the line by setting up this informal 'check in every day' thing.

Do yourself a favor. Get a new doc, and get into AA as others have suggested. Your sponsor will fill the role that this doc is offering to play.

And.......he's married. You may find that your alcohol problem worsens as your dirty thoughts go unfulfilled. Get rid of him.
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Old 3rd March 2017, 7:42 AM   #49
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This is all so wrong I don't know where to begin.

This doctor should have referred you to someone for your drinking problem. He's putting his license on the line by setting up this informal 'check in every day' thing.

Do yourself a favor. Get a new doc, and get into AA as others have suggested. Your sponsor will fill the role that this doc is offering to play.

And.......he's married. You may find that your alcohol problem worsens as your dirty thoughts go unfulfilled. Get rid of him.
Midwest:


Today's first thought: it's as clear as day that he likes me. He could've referred me elsewhere. He's a sophisticated man who seems to have a good work/life balance, knows what he wants and knows how to get it, and knows what he doesn't want, too.


If he didn't like me, then he wouldn't have made the offer to call at home.


But like Jen said previously, he also reserves the right to pull the plug ...


So, I could end up getting hurt.


Put his license on the line? Surely he's not that na´ve (???)


************************************************** *


I guess I'm an addict and I can't let go of this romantic fantasy just yet as I cut the booze. But several of you have made really good points and I'll let this all sink in. Thank you!!!


I'll update this post later when he calls. (IF) he calls ...
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Old 3rd March 2017, 8:31 AM   #50
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I notice you've been a little obsessive about this physician, and that's why I asked if you have a sound support system from friends and family. Do you exercise or meditate?

You might want to share with your psych about your sexual desire for your physician. I'd also like to reiterate that your psych should be the more appropriate professional to treat your addiction and depression.

I also don't understand how calling you daily can monitor your alcohol consumption; it's not like you can't lie to him!


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Midwest:


Today's first thought: it's as clear as day that he likes me. He could've referred me elsewhere. He's a sophisticated man who seems to have a good work/life balance, knows what he wants and knows how to get it, and knows what he doesn't want, too.


If he didn't like me, then he wouldn't have made the offer to call at home.


But like Jen said previously, he also reserves the right to pull the plug ...


So, I could end up getting hurt.


Put his license on the line? Surely he's not that na´ve (???)


************************************************** *


I guess I'm an addict and I can't let go of this romantic fantasy just yet as I cut the booze. But several of you have made really good points and I'll let this all sink in. Thank you!!!


I'll update this post later when he calls. (IF) he calls ...

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Old 3rd March 2017, 8:36 AM   #51
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Think you are going to get hurt which i`d hate to see Ja.
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Old 3rd March 2017, 3:37 PM   #52
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I notice you've been a little obsessive about this physician, and that's why I asked if you have a sound support system from friends and family. Do you exercise or meditate?

You might want to share with your psych about your sexual desire for your physician. I'd also like to reiterate that your psych should be the more appropriate professional to treat your addiction and depression.

I also don't understand how calling you daily can monitor your alcohol consumption; it's not like you can't lie to him!
The psych only involves himself with medication recommendations ... he doesn't do therapy.


I'd be too afraid to admit I have a crush on my doc. This is a delicate situation and I don't want to cause trouble for him professionally.




My doc IS trying to get me to go to the gym regularly, as a part of getting better.


Since my move here, I'm still in transition, if you will ... and have found all my regular friends married, etc, and not wanting to hangout or get together.


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Originally Posted by Haydn View Post
Think you are going to get hurt which i`d hate to see Ja.

Thanks, Haydn ...


Well, here it is 5 :15 p.m. now, and he hasn't called in the afternoon like he said he would. Go figure...
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Old 4th March 2017, 7:03 PM   #53
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My doc hasn't called. So, maybe he figured it was too personal to do.


I'm confused as to why he would've proposed it in the first place.


Quite frankly, I'm angry at him and will NOT call his office on Monday like him asked me to.


In fact, I'll be pushing my appointment back from 2 weeks to a month. I just don't want to see him.

I haven't had a drink for about 48 hours now! Minor withdrawal symptoms, but I'm doing it!
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Old 5th March 2017, 12:42 AM   #54
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Find another Dr and forget this one. Stop focusing on him and focus and fix you! You have enough going on to worry and obsess or play games with him. And that IS what you're doing, hoping to punish him for not calling you, hoping he'll worry and come find out. It won't work and it'll back fire on you making you feel worse.

Good that you haven't reached for a bottle of booze. Keep going and please, consider AA, even if you need to go to another town, do it.
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Old 5th March 2017, 1:23 AM   #55
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@Thanks whichwayisup


I guess I felt like playing games with him because that's what I feel he's done with me.



Let's face it, he has!!!

If I push back my appointment, I'll have time to ask the psych to become the prescribing doctor ... that'll give me time to find a new family doc which can take 6 months to a year.


If psych asks why, I'll just admit I have a crush on my doc (without mentioning the whole phone call suggestion that my doc made, as I don't want to get him into trouble with his colleague).




Question:
In any case, do you think I should call his office on Monday to let him (or his secretary) know that I haven't been drinking? (and everyday thereafter, as he suggested?)


My feeling is that if I don't call on Monday, he'll know he's pissed me off, or he might try calling me as he's out of range from wife and kids when he's at the office.


I honestly don't feel like calling at all and that's not to punish him ... that's just because I want to disengage from this situation a.s.a.p.

Last edited by ja123; 5th March 2017 at 1:32 AM..
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Old 5th March 2017, 2:24 AM   #56
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I'd also like to mention that doc would like to see me every 2 weeks or me to come in when I'm feeling down ... I decided to see doc one a month to get my pills because is only prescribes for a month. And NOT to go more often.


The reality is that he could prescribe for a month with renewals! He doesn't have to keep me on such a short leash.


When I was there this past Thursday, he made a point of saying "It's 30 days since we last saw each other. (he said with a coy smile) Tell me what's happened in 30 days." So, it's like he's counting the days for crying out loud ... he could've just asked me what is new since our last appointment.
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Old 5th March 2017, 2:35 AM   #57
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I'm sorry, but he's not even going to notice if you don't call Monday. He may have come to his senses. So there's no need to keep up the game playing.

Yes, he can certainly give you a 30 day scrip with refills. Have him give you that so you have enough to get you through WHILE YOU LOOK FOR A NEW DOC! Or get the psych to do the prescribing. In fact, that's a better idea, since you're dealing with substance abuse.

This guy, and your reaction to him, is creepy, not to mention unprofessional.
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Old 5th March 2017, 3:01 AM   #58
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Not sure you should be jumping to the bad doc taking advantage of the situation scenario straight away.

My (educated) guess would be that you remind him of a patient with a similar history of denial with alcohol addiction he felt he let down somehow in the past, and he's trying to keep a close eye on you to ease his conscience. Or maybe he just wants to help make you see sense.

Actually calling you would have been crossing the line, which he didn't.

I agree that you should stop seeing him however, especially if it's going to affect how you deal with your addiction.

Last edited by PrettyEmily77; 5th March 2017 at 3:15 AM..
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Old 5th March 2017, 8:40 AM   #59
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Thanks whichwayisup and PrettyEmily


So, the consensus is that I should stop seeing him.


Should I still call his office on Monday to let him (or his secretary) know that I haven't been drinking?


I don't feel like calling.


Edit: I'm not going to call. I'll call at a later date to cancel my 2 week appointment and say I'll rebook, but I won't ...

Last edited by ja123; 5th March 2017 at 8:46 AM..
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Old 5th March 2017, 10:59 AM   #60
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@Thanks whichwayisup


I guess I felt like playing games with him because that's what I feel he's done with me.



Let's face it, he has!!!

If I push back my appointment, I'll have time to ask the psych to become the prescribing doctor ... that'll give me time to find a new family doc which can take 6 months to a year.


If psych asks why, I'll just admit I have a crush on my doc (without mentioning the whole phone call suggestion that my doc made, as I don't want to get him into trouble with his colleague).




Question:
In any case, do you think I should call his office on Monday to let him (or his secretary) know that I haven't been drinking? (and everyday thereafter, as he suggested?)


My feeling is that if I don't call on Monday, he'll know he's pissed me off, or he might try calling me as he's out of range from wife and kids when he's at the office.


I honestly don't feel like calling at all and that's not to punish him ... that's just because I want to disengage from this situation a.s.a.p.
I doubt he's going to think anything. He has tons of other patients and to think that his thoughts revolve around you and you think he thinks of you as much as you think of him just shows how warped things are right now.

I'm in Canada too and it shouldn't take you 6 months to a year to find a new family DR.
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