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Crush on Doctor - Does he feel the same? [Update: doctor is married]


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 24th November 2016, 8:38 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GunslingerRoland View Post
A good doctor is way harder to find than a good lover.

Don't ruin a good thing.
Haha You know, you make a lot of sense!!!


Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeylo View Post
Doctors are the biggest flirts. They have power and are in a dominating position. You can try but I doubt he will take anything further. I would suggest to pay his fees. Not a good sign,if you want to get the gist!
Yes, I don't like that he's in a dominant position over me - he knows so much about me and I know very little about him.


He'd risk too much to take things further.


But pay his fees? Why? He's the one who wouldn't charge ME. And I don't get the gist. Please explain.


Quote:
Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
BE CAREFUL for what you wish for. Fantasy and crushes are one thing, actually acting upon it in these types of situations is dangerous and ..sorry to say, stupid.

Find another Dr, already it's weird and you're analyzing everything he says and making it personal like he's a true friend. He's your Dr not a friend.
Well, he's acting more personal then one would expect from a doc. And I've already put measures to lessen the attraction (i.e. I'll see him in a month and not in 2 weeks like he wants me to).


I actually had a gp at a walk-in clinic want to give me a gynie exam even though I had my period (his wife was a real gynecologist to boot), but I said "no" because I knew he was being a perve. In any case, I've been examined by male doctors without another person present and never had a problem. In this case, with my doctor, I'll ask to see a female gynecologist.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Shanex View Post
Most doctors I have known are clever (obviously they spent ten years studying), witty, funny and charming so if you add to the equation that says doctor is also handsome, odds are that he's very very pursued.
Chances are he IS pursued because he is a you described and he's very sophisticated.


It's not my goal to date a doctor per se, but someone I find an attraction to *the spark*.
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Old 7th January 2017, 8:18 PM   #17
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UPDATE - My doctor IS married

I read a funny men vs. women poem at the doc's office and had a laugh with the secretary, when I was there the other day.


It was called The Shortest Fairy Tale Ever:
"Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl ‘Will you marry me?’ The girl said, ‘NO!’ And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
The End"


She said she teases my doctor all the time with it because he's married.


I still can't help feeling he's got a thing for me: he wants to see me in two weeks, when he could see me in a month; he shook my hand and rubbed my arm; he wants me to bring in the film script I've been working on so he can see it.


Anyhow ... he IS married.
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Old 2nd March 2017, 1:06 PM   #18
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Update 2

I saw my doctor today. Last time I saw him was a month ago (I had no choice but to see him as my prescription ran out). A month ago, I told him I'd been drinking since Christmas. He wants me to stop. It doesn't mix with my anti-depressants. Dahh I know better, but I've developed a drinking problem ... clearly.


Anyhow, though it was hard to admit, I was honest today and told him that I'm still drinking and that I've lied to people about my drinking (I.e. hiding it, or simply non-admission). So he wanted me to promise him that I would stop. I told him that I could make no such promise because I felt like I'd be lying.


So he wants to talk to me everyday, until our next appointment. The office is closed tomorrow but he checked my number and said he'd call me tomorrow afternoon and Saturday, too, but that he couldn't call on Sunday, then he wants me to call the office on Monday, etc.


This is to check in whether I've been drinking or not ... even if I drink he wants to talk to me. He also wants me to go back to the gym.


This is very kind of him, but is it just the Hippocratic oath or is he going beyond the call of duty because he likes me?
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Old 2nd March 2017, 1:42 PM   #19
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This is very kind of him, but is it just the Hippocratic oath or is he going beyond the call of duty because he likes me?
Rather than mix the drama (real or imagined) of this relationship with your current struggles with alcohol, why not find a new doctor? And given your signs of problem drinking, why not attend an AA meeting or other support group?

Either one of those would be healthy choices...

Mr. Lucky
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Old 2nd March 2017, 1:51 PM   #20
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I personally have never heard a doctor doing this kind of calling up everyday.

You are not well. He could be grooming you.

Take care. Find a new doctor asap.
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Old 2nd March 2017, 1:52 PM   #21
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Thanks Mr. Lucky ...


I don't feel I'm a real alcoholic, so I don't want to go to AA.


He's a very good doctor, and nearby ... I don't want to lose him ...


But, I get what you're saying ... this is probably all in my head (imagined) so I'm creating drama (in my mind) for nothing.
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Old 2nd March 2017, 3:04 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by mikeylo View Post
I personally have never heard a doctor doing this kind of calling up everyday.

You are not well. He could be grooming you.

Take care. Find a new doctor asap.


I haven't heard of a doctor calling every day even on his days off either


But he really wants me to succeed and I did tell him that the counsellor that I talk to told me if I haven't the internal motivation to help myself, then rely on the external motivation of my doctor and her to get through this period, so I can stand on my own two feet.


Not sure why he can't call Sunday ... wife, maybe ... it does seem strange, but then I am to stat calling his office on Monday and he told me if he's not available then to tell his secretary whether I've had a drink or not.


Grooming me? Well, it's definitely making it more personal now that he'll be calling at home.


I didn't tell him the full details of what I did when I was drinking, last time I saw him, but I did tell him I'd met up with a couple of guys and that there was alcohol involved. He told me he didn't think I was ready for a relationship...




I also saw a pysch that he sent me to, and I was honest with the psych about the drinking and risky sex, so I'm not sure what the psych told him.
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Old 2nd March 2017, 3:09 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by ja123 View Post
Thanks Mr. Lucky ...


I don't feel I'm a real alcoholic, so I don't want to go to AA.


He's a very good doctor, and nearby ... I don't want to lose him ...


But, I get what you're saying ... this is probably all in my head (imagined) so I'm creating drama (in my mind) for nothing.
I hear denial is the first sign that you are. I think he is just being kind. He did tell you to leave the message with his secretary if he isn't available not that he would call you back. This man is married so I would suggest you get those dancing sugar plums out of your head.

Last edited by stillafool; 2nd March 2017 at 3:12 PM..
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Old 2nd March 2017, 3:15 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
I hear denial is the first sign that you are.
This might be true for people, but I don't feel it's true of me because I haven't been drinking that long ... just heavy intense spurts over the last 2 years.


I used to work as a bartender and never had a drinking problem, then.


I think I'm drinking now because I'm not co-dependent anymore, but have unfortunately become the "dependent" now.


I could just as easily be addicted to something else, perhaps, but there's something about the alcohol that makes me feel good and strong.


Honestly, I've feel like a fraud if I went to an AA meeting. Those people really need help, so I don't want to waste their time.


This is a phase that I just need to get over.
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Old 2nd March 2017, 3:23 PM   #25
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You need to get to AA, as well as finding another Dr. IF he IS liking you back, knowing he's your Dr and married, HE could be FIRED and never practice again for what he's doing, even more so since you're vulnerable and in a position where you're not making good choices (drinking while on meds and having no intention of changing that)!!

Anyway, let's just assume he's doing this because as a Dr he cares about his patient and wants to help - You'd be mixing up everything and assuming this and that, because of what you feel for him instead of focusing on yourself and getting healthy again.

Find another Dr. You've been through the wringer with one affair, why do this to yourself all over again?
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Old 2nd March 2017, 3:26 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by ja123 View Post
This might be true for people, but I don't feel it's true of me because I haven't been drinking that long ... just heavy intense spurts over the last 2 years.


I used to work as a bartender and never had a drinking problem, then.


I think I'm drinking now because I'm not co-dependent anymore, but have unfortunately become the "dependent" now.


I could just as easily be addicted to something else, perhaps, but there's something about the alcohol that makes me feel good and strong.


Honestly, I've feel like a fraud if I went to an AA meeting. Those people really need help, so I don't want to waste their time.


This is a phase that I just need to get over.
People can become alcoholics later in life, right now you ARE one and it doesn't matter that you worked in a bar. You're in total denial and using booze as a crutch, masking what is truly going on inside of you.

YOU NEED HELP and are no better or worse than anybody else in AA. There are different types of alcoholics!
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Old 2nd March 2017, 3:27 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by mikeylo View Post
I personally have never heard a doctor doing this kind of calling up everyday.

You are not well. He could be grooming you.

Take care. Find a new doctor asap.
And this Dr is totally taking advantage of a weak woman in a bad place. Shame on him. He should be reported...Makes me wonder how many others he's done this to...
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Old 2nd March 2017, 3:57 PM   #28
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I find it odd that he would take up the task of monitoring your alcohol consumption upon himself, considering you are seeking help from a counselor/psychologist already. It's also quite strange that he would waive your fees all the time. And what's up with his suggestion that you are "not ready for a relationship"? He has totally crossed his boundaries.
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Old 2nd March 2017, 5:06 PM   #29
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I'm sorry but what are you thinking messing with the idea of a married man anyway.

This whole thing is very uncomfortable.
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Old 2nd March 2017, 5:18 PM   #30
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@whichwayisup


I drove out tonight, ostensibly just for a drive, I got to where the liquor store is and I turned around. I was very proud of myself.


Then, I turned around again and went back. I bought a mickey. So, I'm drinking now.


I will re-read what you wrote and think about it.


I'd like to see how it goes with my doc before going to AA. One thing for sure is that I can't go to the local AA here as I may know people. People may know me.


I still don't consider myself an alcoholic, but I have the makings of one.


Talking with the doc daily (or his secretary) is a chance to head it off.


But, there is something unusual about his offering to call me. I'll take it for what it is for now and see whether things progress.
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