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feeling depressed ****Updated**** Telling his wife


crazyinlove27

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crazyinlove27

So this is my story from start to finish.

I met MM the beginning of December last year. Well I started messaging him then. We met two weeks later.

I had just split up with my partner of 10 years and for a joke I went on Ashley madison.

I messaged this guy. Only him and no one else. Well that's how it started.

We were messaging on there all night and then the next day we started messaging on a messaging app.

We were flirty. I mean I didn't expect to fall in love with him.

So after two weeks of talking everyday we decided to meet up. We hit it off straight away. We had a coffee went for a drive, we didn't sleep together as I was unsure.

When I got home I thought there was no way he would want to see me again. How wrong was I? We continued to talk everyday.

Due to work commitments with me I couldn't meet up with him for another 2 weeks. When we could meet up we decided for him to stay the night. It was amazing, the chemistry between us just everything was amazing.

That night he said he wanted us to be exclusive and that was it.

The next time we seen each other he said to me that he couldn't go on much longer the way we were as he likes me too much.

It got serious that quick.

Fast forward to April and my friend decided to pretend to be a cute girl and started talking to him. Well cut long story short my friend told him that it was really her and that she was going to tell me if he didn't. He messaged me straight away and confessed everything. I was angry/upset and he told me he was messaging other women.

I decided to give him another chance as at this point we really were in love. This is where our problems started.

 

I started getting really paranoid. Accusing him all the time of messaging other women. Checking his WhatsApp his Facebook to see when he was last active. Arguing with him when he went out(which was regular). He promised me he wouldn't do it again.

 

So fast forward to about 4 weeks ago. I finds out I'm pregnant. Books a doctors appointment to have a termination. At this point I haven't told him.

The Tuesday after I find out I was pregnant I checked his Ashley madison account and it says active 2 days ago. Well I flip obviously. He rings me and we argue he then says well we are over now. I then tells him I'm pregnant as I thought he had a right to know.

We decide again to give it another go and he offers to show me his account when he sees me next.

So the next time he comes up we have sex and he mentions the account. I wasn't going to ask. So he shows me. There's no messages. His story was that he went on there as he was pissed off with me but I knew that wasn't true as he had put new photo's on there. I then tells him to go on to the full site as I want to see if he's sent anyone the key for his pics. He's shaking at this point and then admits he was messaging other women on there.

I was devastated. We both cried. I shouted. This went on for about 3 hours.

He left then with me saying I needed time to think about us.

The next day I decided to give him another chance. Don't ask me why. But I blame pregnancy hormones.

Anyway I had the abortion last Thursday. We were fine. Or so I thought. He finished it on Monday morning. I'm devastated.

We still talk/ message everyday. Can I add that in 11 months we haven't had a day where we haven't spoke. We message constantly.

 

He says he's doing it for my own good as he can't leave his wife and kids.

We are still trying to remain friends but I want him back so badly.

What do I need to do to try and forget him.

I'm struggling to get out of bed some days.

 

Thank you to anyone who reads it all the way through.

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Forever broken

No judgement from me because I used to be the third person in someone's marriage.

 

However, this guy lives his life like he's single. Throughout the story I forgot he was married till at the very end. He's living a very dangerous life. He had already brought you pain and sadness. Don't sit there for him to bring you diseases. You cannot expect to trust a married man you met on a dating site especially Ashley Madison to be faithful when he has a wife at home.

 

Am sorry but everything you wrote tells me you need to cut all communications with him. This guy is bad news and not that any married guy can be good news but this one is a disaster.

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You were in a very very vulnerable position.

 

Keep away from relationships until you have healed from you relationship and from the A.

 

You really need to get off Ashley Madison too.

 

It isn't possible to trust a married person on a dating website.

 

Hope you look after yourself and don't fall into depression.

BEst Wishes,

POppy.

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I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing such emotional distress and pain. Deciding to terminate your pregnancy must have been arduous. You didn't tell us how he responded? I think I have an idea but his reaction should be very telling to you.

 

I believe you when you say there was a quick connection and forming of a bond with this person. But, that doesn't mean that it's strong enough for your relationship to move forward and more importantly, to ever be healthy.

 

I am going to make a general assumption here and say anyone on Ashley Madison is looking for the elusive ideal "no strings attached" affair _ sex on the side, some good times, escapism, nothing more, nothing less. Keeping this in mind, it's unreasonable for you to expect anything more from him. I think it's perfectly natural that he was communicating with other women. That's what he wants to do. He doesn't sound like a good guy at all, even if he came clean by showing you his chat history or whatever, but he has shown you loud and clear his true colors and it's now up to you to seem them.

 

I agree with the earlier posts _ it's best for you to stop contact with him. I can guarantee nothing more will come out of this except more anguish for you. It's easier said than done, but it's doable.

 

Stay strong and good luck.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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crazyinlove27
I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing such emotional distress and pain. Deciding to terminate your pregnancy must have been arduous. You didn't tell us how he responded? I think I have an idea but his reaction should be very telling to you.

 

I believe you when you say there was a quick connection and forming of a bond with this person. But, that doesn't mean that it's strong enough for your relationship to move forward and more importantly, to ever be healthy.

 

I am going to make a general assumption here and say anyone on Ashley Madison is looking for the elusive ideal "no strings attached" affair _ sex on the side, some good times, escapism, nothing more, nothing less. Keeping this in mind, it's unreasonable for you to expect anything more from him. I think it's perfectly natural that he was communicating with other women. That's what he wants to do. He doesn't sound like a good guy at all, even if he came clean by showing you his chat history or whatever, but he has shown you loud and clear his true colors and it's now up to you to seem them.

 

I agree with the earlier posts _ it's best for you to stop contact with him. I can guarantee nothing more will come out of this except more anguish for you. It's easier said than done, but it's doable.

 

Stay strong and good luck.

 

Sorry for delay I didn't think anyone would read my story.

He was very nice and supportive when I told him I was pregnant. I can't say anything bad about him and that.

 

I wouldn't have expected anymore from him apart from sex but he was the one that mentioned us being exclusive.if he didn't I certainly wouldn't have been.

 

We have messaged every day since the split. I think that's the only reason how I'm coping. He's rung me a few times.

The thought of not messaging him makes me feel sick. I don't think I could cope with that. :'(

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GollumsNightmare

Run. Run as fast as you can AWAY from this player. He is offering you crumbs -not an opportunity for a real life together! He would not make a good life partner. He is definitely not father material for a precious child!

 

You deserve more than to be just ONE of a MM's affairs, don't you think?

 

This is not love. This is a twisted MM's fantasy of staying married and having as many affairs as possible.

 

Kick him to the curb. Find a good counselor and figure out why you were willing to accept such a demeaning position for yourself.

 

I wish you only the best!

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crazyinlove27
Run. Run as fast as you can AWAY from this player. He is offering you crumbs -not an opportunity for a real life together! He would not make a good life partner. He is definitely not father material for a precious child!

 

You deserve more than to be just ONE of a MM's affairs, don't you think?

 

This is not love. This is a twisted MM's fantasy of staying married and having as many affairs as possible.

 

Kick him to the curb. Find a good counselor and figure out why you were willing to accept such a demeaning position for yourself.

 

I wish you only the best!

 

 

I've got such low self esteem that I think no one else would want me. If I'm honest it gave me a buzz that he chose to have an affair when he was married. Stupid I know. Made me feel special .

We wanted to stay friends but I can't stop thinking about him as we still message constantly.

 

He didn't sleep with anyone else (or so he says).

He's had multiple affairs before me but I feel like I was different to him.

 

Has anyone gone NC?? I definitely need help.

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Why did you expect him to be faithful to you when you went on a website for cheating husbands in order to find him?

 

SMH. I am sorry for your pain, it's never joy to terminate a pregnancy.

 

But just stay away from this guy. He's bad news.

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I've got such low self esteem that I think no one else would want me. If I'm honest it gave me a buzz that he chose to have an affair when he was married. Stupid I know. Made me feel special .

We wanted to stay friends but I can't stop thinking about him as we still message constantly.

 

He didn't sleep with anyone else (or so he says).

He's had multiple affairs before me but I feel like I was different to him.

 

Has anyone gone NC?? I definitely need help.

 

Of course he is having affairs, thats why he's on AM. He's probably had 100 of them with many different girls and women. He isn't your friend and yes he is sleeping with others too. I bet his wife thinks he's a wonderful husband and father and has no idea what a rat she's married to. Is it worth it to you to lower yourself like this just to have man?

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I've got such low self esteem that I think no one else would want me. If I'm honest it gave me a buzz that he chose to have an affair when he was married. Stupid I know. Made me feel special .

We wanted to stay friends but I can't stop thinking about him as we still message constantly.

 

He didn't sleep with anyone else (or so he says).

He's had multiple affairs before me but I feel like I was different to him.

 

Has anyone gone NC?? I definitely need help.

 

Sorry that you met this guy on AM and you really need to go NC, even though you will miss him. He will only bring you pain, he already has. Being in the situation with him only hurts your self esteem more.

 

I am a MW and I met a guy on AM that I thought was nice and he was romantic and nice to me at first. We would talk on an APP and he would text and talk on the phone sometimes. He said that he his wife was selfish and they didn't get along and that they had talked about divorce. We slept together fairly fast and after that he pulled back and was hot and cold with me. I asked him nicely how he was feeling and he got angry with me. I realized that he has issues and within a few weeks I decided that it was over for me and I didn't want to deal with him and his bad treatment of me. I didn't get on the APP again or talk to him. I missed him at first and was lonely, but felt relieved that it was over.

 

Think about it and you'll realize that he's not good enough for you and you deserve better. He's not treating you the way that you want to be treated and you'll be happier not having to deal with him. Feel sorry for his wife being stuck with him.

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crazyinlove27

I put my story up a couple of weeks ago. Well I've just found out that he was messaging there women while I was going through the abortion. I've decided I'm telling her tomorrow. End of.

 

I can't wait to wreck his life.!!

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What else would you expect from someone who would cheat on his wife?

 

While vindictively forcing a DDay might make you feel great for a moment, you need to realize that many married couples stay together after an affair. If you tell your MM's wife about the affair as a way to get back at him, you will certainly feel foolish if it turns out that they end up staying together.

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crazyinlove27
What else would you expect from someone who would cheat on his wife?

 

While vindictively forcing a DDay might make you feel great for a moment, you need to realize that many married couples stay together after an affair. If you tell your MM's wife about the affair as a way to get back at him, you will certainly feel foolish if it turns out that they end up staying together.

 

I'm just so angry at the moment. But even if they did stay together she would make his life hell and he deserves that . I just want him to hurt the way I am hurting.

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Why? Didn't you know the job was dangerous when you took it? Do you truly aspire to be as ****ty a person as he is? Really? Let it go, take care of yourself, and let fate take care of him. It will.

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dreamingoftigers
What else would you expect from someone who would cheat on his wife?

 

While vindictively forcing a DDay might make you feel great for a moment, you need to realize that many married couples stay together after an affair. If you tell your MM's wife about the affair as a way to get back at him, you will certainly feel foolish if it turns out that they end up staying together.

 

It's not a hard and fast rule

 

Plus the wife deserves to know that she's being exposed to STIs.

 

Good for you OP.

 

I hope she finds a better life and partner.

Please include ALL OF THE PROOF that you can find including texts, photos, call records whatever.

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dreamingoftigers
Why? Didn't you know the job was dangerous when you took it? Do you truly aspire to be as ****ty a person as he is? Really? Let it go, take care of yourself, and let fate take care of him. It will.

Maybe she is the fate that's taking care of him.

 

MM brought this on himself and the truth and the light is generally better than being kept in the dark and having sht shovelled on you.

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dreamingoftigers
Why? Didn't you know the job was dangerous when you took it? Do you truly aspire to be as ****ty a person as he is? Really? Let it go, take care of yourself, and let fate take care of him. It will.

 

And really?

 

Telling the wife the truth about what he's inflicting on her life does not make the OP a sh*tty person.

 

Most of us BSs WANT to know the truth.

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HeCantBreakMe
I put my story up a couple of weeks ago. Well I've just found out that he was messaging there women while I was going through the abortion. I've decided I'm telling her tomorrow. End of.

 

I can't wait to wreck his life.!!

 

I don't agree with your reasoning but she has a right to know. Provide eveidencw and don't do it anonymously . Also answer her questions and then get out of their life .. he will hate you so be ready.

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She may have a right to know, but OP has no duty to be the one to tell her. The thing about MWs is that they love their husbands, and they hate the OWs, especially the ones who had the temerity to get pregnant by their husbands. You think this wife will be grateful? OP is going to get completely sh*t upon by the BS and ultimately, the WS will contact her again to continue the drama. No good deed goes unpunished. He is not the OP's problem, or at least, he shouldn't be. All this will do will heap more misery upon her.

 

She should have minded her own business from the beginning, and right now is still not too late to start. The OP should turn around and walk away while she's properly motivated. She has no friends in this situation, and she's never going to be the hero of this story.

 

There is no right or wrong here, we don't know enough to truly decide. However, we do know that she has no interest in his relationship with his wife. All she has is self-interest, and it is in her self-interest to disappear from this guy completely.

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It's not a hard and fast rule

 

Plus the wife deserves to know that she's being exposed to STIs.

 

Good for you OP.

 

I hope she finds a better life and partner.

Please include ALL OF THE PROOF that you can find including texts, photos, call records whatever.

 

I agree that the wife deserves to know but not for the reasons that the OP is exposing the affair.

 

While I agree that not all couples stay together after an affair, it's certainly not uncommon for that to happen; particularly when there are young children involved.

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I agree that the wife deserves to know but not for the reasons that the OP is exposing the affair.

 

While I agree that not all couples stay together after an affair, it's certainly not uncommon for that to happen; particularly when there are young children involved.

 

 

Yes she only wants to expose the affair to the BW for revenge.

 

 

What is there to revenge?

 

 

Did you know he was married?

 

 

Were you forced to not use contraception?

 

 

Do you regret the death of your child and need to blame the AP?

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You own YOUR part in the affair and don't put all the blame on him, you chose to have an affair with this woman's husband so please don't act like a victim in all this. Answer her questions, apologize for your part in the affair and helping him betray her. Most of all, she is the innocent one in all this and so respect her and don't be mean to her.

 

Take a day and calm down, collect your thoughts and then tell her. Going at it while you're hysterical isn't good.

 

Also, your previous thread you loved him and wanted him back so are you 'sorry' for the affair? Or is this a way of splitting them up in hopes he'll come to you if she kicks him out of the house?

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We are to support and encourage posters, no matter there circumstance. so here is my supportive words. Seek mental counseling. I sincerely believe that a person with such irrational behavior needs modified.

You volunteered thru Ashley Madison to be involved. You volunteered to intercede on marriage. take that volunteering attitude to a more community level. and check in to a place that will help you.

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I'm just so angry at the moment. But even if they did stay together she would make his life hell and he deserves that . I just want him to hurt the way I am hurting.

 

This is unwise - it's unwise to act while holding onto to this much anger.

 

 

YOU participated. YOU also did this. When you talk to his wife start the conversation by owning YOUR actions - YOUR behavior.

 

Keep in mind you are harming her greatly. Have some compassion.

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dreamingoftigers
We are to support and encourage posters, no matter there circumstance. so here is my supportive words. Seek mental counseling. I sincerely believe that a person with such irrational behavior needs modified.

You volunteered thru Ashley Madison to be involved. You volunteered to intercede on marriage. take that volunteering attitude to a more community level. and check in to a place that will help you.

 

Don't forget to include his Ashley Madison profile.

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