Did you act crazy during your affair?

[Ahurtgirl]

I know that the reason I acted unlike myself at times during the affair was because of how insecure I felt knowing he had a wife and feared he would chose her over me. Anyone else find they were more emotional and dramatic then your normal self during the affair? It's like he knew how to mess with me and it made me look crazy. So thankful that is over. I couldn't handle the emotional drama he created in me anymore then him saying he ccouldn't deal with it.

[Poppy47]

I know that the reason I acted unlike myself at times during the affair was because of how insecure I felt knowing he had a wife and feared he would chose her over me. Anyone else find they were more emotional and dramatic then your normal self during the affair? It's like he knew how to mess with me and it made me look crazy. So thankful that is over. I couldn't handle the emotional drama he created in me anymore then him saying he ccouldn't deal with it.

 

Ha! xMM used to think I had a fiery temper but I do not. I was "affair crazy".

I was awful to deal with during the A.

 

I am so glad to be living a peaceful life with no drama. I will never go back there.

Poppy.

[Forever broken]

I know that the reason I acted unlike myself at times during the affair was because of how insecure I felt knowing he had a wife and feared he would chose her over me. Anyone else find they were more emotional and dramatic then your normal self during the affair? It's like he knew how to mess with me and it made me look crazy. So thankful that is over. I couldn't handle the emotional drama he created in me anymore then him saying he ccouldn't deal with it.

 

 

Well according to friends I was emotional, something they have never seen in me before. Moreover, I will act all defensive anytime they try to make me see the bull the man was feeding me. Am happy is all behind me now, but am more happy I still have the support of my friends and parents.

[Cyra]

I definitely acted crazy. I was up and down, either elated or devastated, an emotional rollercoaster all the time due to his inconsistent behaviour and push/pull.

I let him make me into someone I didn't recognize and like. I'm normally a calm, level-headed and logical person and during the affair I became the complete opposite, a needy, insecure, emotionally labile wreck.

I was anxious and stressed all the time. I did not know when something was going to set me off, or when he was going to flip.

That is something I definitely don't miss. I may be sad and depressed now but I don't have the extreme highs and lows, so a reasonable peace of mind compared to before. From that aspect I am so glad it is over.

Edited November 2, 2016 by Cyra

[stillafool]

I know that the reason I acted unlike myself at times during the affair was because of how insecure I felt knowing he had a wife and feared he would chose her over me. Anyone else find they were more emotional and dramatic then your normal self during the affair? It's like he knew how to mess with me and it made me look crazy. So thankful that is over. I couldn't handle the emotional drama he created in me anymore then him saying he ccouldn't deal with it.

 

I don't understand this because didn't he already have her when you got together? He didn't have to chose, he already had.

[cocorico]

Colleagues noted that I seemed more "grounded" during the A, more chilled and less driven.

 

There was lots of "crazy-making" stuff happening in other areas of my life at that time, but the A kept me sane

[BeStrong2]

Totally..I was acting crazy years ago when i was in a toxic relationship.. and the worst part was he used that against me and make me feel not good enough.. not up to standard. Thats why he is still with his wife. Is my fault for not being good enough.. n then i blame myself and try even harder to be good enough .. if only I try harder I will b good enough to win him over.

That period was really hell.. I really hv zero self estemn.

Was so pathetic.. but guess wat .. i bounced back. I cut him off totally.

Yes I fall now n then.. still.. but I KNOW..i will never ever be that same pitiful lady again

 

And I know u can and u WILL.

 

U hv that strength in u. Believe it

[HeCantBreakMe]

Um, yeah I did act out of character for me which I will title "crazy" for the good of this post. I was needy, emotional, jealous, and just flat out upset most of the time and when i was happy it usually came in spurts and was often time forced. Sadly enough MM made it a joke that I was 'crazy' he would say it was endearing to him and that he enjoyed it but when i got a little 'too' crazy and would call him out on his sh** that is when it became more bad crazy than good crazy.

 

I am not sure if that would constitute as gas lighting but either way whenever i was emotional or upset about something he made sure to tell me i was acting 'crazy but it is endearing I just need you to tone it down a little bit'. Makes me just SMH.

 

Aww affairs - it is like going to a circus on crack and you think you are enjoying the show when you realize YOU ARE THE SHOW!

[Ahurtgirl]

Glad I'm not alone with how the constant push/pull and testing the xMM put me through created an emotional rollercoaster effect. Things are so much more peaceful without him creating drama in my life.

[buglet78]

I don't know if I was any more emotional or dramatic, but I definitely compromised myself. I wanted to cut things off when I found out he was "still" married, but I wanted to "accept him for who he was" (if you want dramatic, I can remember when I actually attempted to end things. He had a nuclear-grade tantrum over it. I thought my house would end up destroyed. I caved in, and things went on).

 

I wanted to stand up for myself against his church (and point out what a hypocrite he was by being "so religious", but having an intense A), but I wanted to "be open minded".

[Southern Sun]

Yes...I felt crazy.

 

Besides the overarching issue of me betraying my husband, my values, my beliefs, my children...lying and trying to justify it all in my head, the actual relationship with xMM turned me into an anxiety-ridden, insecure, confused, objectified disaster.

 

There has to be some sort of FOO stuff at work here...at least in my relationship with xMM. And of course the way he treated me, the emotional unavailability, hot and cold/push and pull behavior absolutely fed my feelings of anxiety and low self-worth. The problem is, I feel that both the affair and MM himself helped create those feelings of low self-worth, though there must have already been a pre-existing need for me to get some validation from him. He compared me to his previous OW; he ultimately used me for sex; he would dump me and come back, over and over. So no wonder I felt insecure and confused.

 

But there is something about this kind of toxic relating that can fuel obsessive thinking...a feeling that the relationship is needed in order to relieve pain. It becomes addictive.

 

So yeah. I felt crazy. I probably acted crazy. I've never been that way in my life.

[Chica80]

Yes very much so.

[goodyblue]

I was a much more alm during the a because if anything got to be too much i could walk away. I am crazier now!! We have been married for some time now though so I think I feel secure enough to show all of me.

[starswewillnavigate]

Only when he broke it off and was push/pull with me. I wasn't crazy with him, but I was on an emotional roller coaster (although I was also going through some difficult times in my personal life, which probably didn't help). I've only just started feeling calm again with my emotions, it has been 3 months since he broke it off. He is still messaging most days but I think I'm out of the tunnel vision mode. Not sure I'd be willing to step on the rollercoaster again.

Edited November 5, 2016 by starswewillnavigate

[Daisy2013]

I don't think so. While I battled with my emotions and did cry a lot, I didn't do anything crazy. No phone calls, drive-bys, or actions that could be percieved as bunny-broiler. When I felt myself feeling I could be heading in that direction, I grounded myself and reminded myself this was what it was, and I was not going to let it get to me. He worked so hard to avoid discovery that it was ridiculous (I mentioned some of those things in another post), and I could have blown him wide open at any time when I was angry or anxious. But, that isn't who I am. So, I stayed level-headed or was so managed down that I accepted whatever I was given with thanksgivig.

[MidnightBlue1980]

I know that the reason I acted unlike myself at times during the affair was because of how insecure I felt knowing he had a wife and feared he would chose her over me. Anyone else find they were more emotional and dramatic then your normal self during the affair? It's like he knew how to mess with me and it made me look crazy. So thankful that is over. I couldn't handle the emotional drama he created in me anymore then him saying he ccouldn't deal with it.

 

Since I saw Fatal Attraction, I made sure to never say, "I won't be ignored!" but I acted very crazy with texting, sending text after text, esp once it ended and he said he was not allowed to contact me as she was monitoring him. At times I went bonkers with the texting. But that's it, I never did anything else.

 

Well, when he came back 5 months later, I did save all the I love yous and roommate marriage texts (which were a lie). And then when he denied saying it all to me, I sent it all back to him as proof. I'm sure it looked totally crazy and like a threat. It really wasn't, more like a warning.

[Grapesofwrath]

I didn't act crazy in the A, outside of some episodes of obsessive googling. You know what really made me crazy? Being involved with a boyfriend who was a serial cheater. The gaslighting drove me 'round the bend. This is part of why I ended the A. I realized that I was participating in the BW's gaslighting and I hated myself for it.

[ShatteredLady]

I didn't act crazy in the A, outside of some episodes of obsessive googling. You know what really made me crazy? Being involved with a boyfriend who was a serial cheater. The gaslighting drove me 'round the bend. This is part of why I ended the A. I realized that I was participating in the BW's gaslighting and I hated myself for it.

 

 

Even before/without a d-day the BS frequently knows that something is very, very wrong in her marriage. I had 9 months of cruelty, gaslighting, insanity.

 

The good news is....No matter now crazy the OW throws around it often pales when compared to the BS's lunacy!!! The MM deserves everything he gets. He can't torture women & then complain that they scream!!

[goodyblue]

Even before/without a d-day the BS frequently knows that something is very, very wrong in her marriage. I had 9 months of cruelty, gaslighting, insanity.

 

The good news is....No matter now crazy the OW throws around it often pales when compared to the BS's lunacy!!! The MM deserves everything he gets. He can't torture women & then complain that they scream!!

 

Yeah, he does deserve whAt he gets, as long as the two women don't turn on one another to blame and he just breaks out the popcorn and watches the show. Ugh.

[Chica80]

I think what makes you so crazy is the feelings and emotions are very intense, very real. Its hard to understand that deal with that.

 

Then there's the constant ups downs rollercoasters, uncertainties. The constant build ups and crashes. Its a really high climb to the top and not knowing if there is going to be a safety net at the bottom when you crash.

[aileD]

I don't think there are any sane people in affairs.

 

-MM clearly are crazy for going outside of their marriage

 

-OW are crazy to get involved with a married man and wracked with guilt and pain and hope and despair at the same time

 

-BW are driven crazy by the betrayal and all the pain that comes along with that

 

Infidelity is not fun

[MidnightBlue1980]

I don't think there are any sane people in affairs.

 

-MM clearly are crazy for going outside of their marriage

 

-OW are crazy to get involved with a married man and wracked with guilt and pain and hope and despair at the same time

 

-BW are driven crazy by the betrayal and all the pain that comes along with that

 

Infidelity is not fun

 

To us women, MM are crazy. But to them, it's the best of both worlds. As females, we cannot understand it. Men are quite frankly, a different species. Look at this board, packed of mm who constantly come back, they love the ow thing.

 

The reality is, if you are a married woman, you need to be on guard at all times as your husband is one step away from infidelity. They are like children, and they need certain things - obviously this varies between men but generally they need (1) bjs on a daily basis (2) sex in general (frequently, anal, etc) (3) attention, (4) made to feel special (like a "man" or adoration) and (5) respected like a man - some of this is outside our control but a man must feel like a man.

 

On a secondary nature, men want their mommy - a maid, cook, governess, etc. Someone to wash their underwear and give them hugs. You must also look good. Keep in shape, makeup, decent clothes (no sweats), do not get fat or sloppy, do not look too old, good hair, etc. You may think your man accepts you but behind your back (or to your face) he makes fun of you for being fat, sloppy, lazy.

 

Basically they want a hot mama to suck their d*ck in the bedroom and their mama in the kitchen. You can protest all you want but if you don't do it, there is always someone else who will.

 

Until we women stop being their to pick up the slack when their wives cry bullsh*t, this will never stop. Or raise your sons to be different.

[goodyblue]

To us women, MM are crazy. But to them, it's the best of both worlds. As females, we cannot understand it. Men are quite frankly, a different species. Look at this board, packed of mm who constantly come back, they love the ow thing.

 

The reality is, if you are a married woman, you need to be on guard at all times as your husband is one step away from infidelity. They are like children, and they need certain things - obviously this varies between men but generally they need (1) bjs on a daily basis (2) sex in general (frequently, anal, etc) (3) attention, (4) made to feel special (like a "man" or adoration) and (5) respected like a man - some of this is outside our control but a man must feel like a man.

 

On a secondary nature, men want their mommy - a maid, cook, governess, etc. Someone to wash their underwear and give them hugs. You must also look good. Keep in shape, makeup, decent clothes (no sweats), do not get fat or sloppy, do not look too old, good hair, etc. You may think your man accepts you but behind your back (or to your face) he makes fun of you for being fat, sloppy, lazy.

 

Basically they want a hot mama to suck their d*ck in the bedroom and their mama in the kitchen. You can protest all you want but if you don't do it, there is always someone else who will.

 

Until we women stop being their to pick up the slack when their wives cry bullsh*t, this will never stop. Or raise your sons to be different.

 

Wow. Frankly, I am totally okay to do all of these things for my husband except a couple. I was fat when he met me, this is it sweets. Also anal, just not my thing. But the rest, why wouldn't I want to do that stuff, considering the things he does for me.

 

I don't think that is what affairs are about at all. I think neglect can be part of it but it certainly isn't all. Some men just feel entitled, stay away from those bast+rds.

[starswewillnavigate]

MB - I don't think that's the main motivation at all for a lot of men. "Because I can" was what an ex boyfriend who cheated on me constantly said to me, as simple as that and that's being now married to his dream girl. I'm definitely not as slim or attractive as xMM's wife, so it wasn't about her losing shape.

[solonely9]

Not during the A, but a bit after DD. One minute, I was all supportive and understanding and the next, I would turn mean on him. I cried and begged, too. I also did the mandatory excessive texting and calling. It lasted a few days only tho. I do regret this a lot, but, at that moment, I was really desperate.