oceansaway Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Yup...after 5 months NC...he chimed in. It was my birthday and I figured it was a opening for him to break NC...he did. I replied. I wasn't really surprised. And it is definitely a different feeling this time around. We had been on and off for almost 5 years. I'm just at peace with everything. It was good to chat with him but I refuse to go backwards....and I will not. Just beware...they always come back 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Yup...after 5 months NC...he chimed in. It was my birthday and I figured it was a opening for him to break NC...he did. I replied. I wasn't really surprised. And it is definitely a different feeling this time around. We had been on and off for almost 5 years. I'm just at peace with everything. It was good to chat with him but I refuse to go backwards....and I will not. Just beware...they always come back Oceans: Who initiated the NC? Was there a D-Day? I initiated NC, and there was no D-Day, so after 5 months, the xMM did the same thing with me. Trying to weasle his way back in. It would piss me off, if I cared to give it that much energy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyp32 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Oceans: Who initiated the NC? Was there a D-Day? I initiated NC, and there was no D-Day, so after 5 months, the xMM did the same thing with me. Trying to weasle his way back in. It would piss me off, if I cared to give it that much energy. I was wondering this same things. I'm hoping since we had a dday he won't come back. Im with you Grapes, it would piss me off. Posts like scare me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oceansaway Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 Oceans: Who initiated the NC? Was there a D-Day? I initiated NC, and there was no D-Day, so after 5 months, the xMM did the same thing with me. Trying to weasle his way back in. It would piss me off, if I cared to give it that much energy. He initiated contact because it was my birthday. We never had a d-day. Just many on and off fights over the years...just like many here. In my situation his wife has known of me and us since day one. She doesn't like me or that I am with him but accepts it. She has had affairs also. It is just a messed up situation that I don't want to be part of Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 They only come back if you let them. I hope there are no more little chats in the future... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyp32 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 He initiated contact because it was my birthday. We never had a d-day. Just many on and off fights over the years...just like many here. In my situation his wife has known of me and us since day one. She doesn't like me or that I am with him but accepts it. She has had affairs also. It is just a messed up situation that I don't want to be part of Ah. I see why he came back. Seems they do without a dday. I think I'm safe since we did have one. Hope you're able to stand your ground and not get back into the A Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 He initiated contact because it was my birthday. We never had a d-day. Just many on and off fights over the years...just like many here. In my situation his wife has known of me and us since day one. She doesn't like me or that I am with him but accepts it. She has had affairs also. It is just a messed up situation that I don't want to be part of I was just curious, to see if there is a trend. I have read lots of threads on here about women who had a D-Day and still he came back, after he thought the dust had settled at home. In a way, maybe your situation is less messed up than others. At least she knows and there is some tacit approval. It's not the marriage I would want, but I kind of think that's a level better than the gaslighting, sneaking, lying crapola that we read about on here all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 I was just curious, to see if there is a trend. I have read lots of threads on here about women who had a D-Day and still he came back, after he thought the dust had settled at home. In a way, maybe your situation is less messed up than others. At least she knows and there is some tacit approval. It's not the marriage I would want, but I kind of think that's a level better than the gaslighting, sneaking, lying crapola that we read about on here all the time. He had a Dday and he came back, 5 months as well. I love you, I'm still in a roommate marriage (lie), I am so sorry, she made me stop talking to you, can I have a picture of your boobs. Turned out he had started MC at the same time he came back. His W had let up on the monitoring since she felt more secure, plus he put out finally. No picture for you. And they are spectacular. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Bambi1234 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 No picture for you. And they are spectacular. :laugh::laugh: 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 My husbands OW reached out a couple of times a year (just "hi" or a little 'life update') for over 12 YEARS until the 'perfect storm' gave him mental permission to forever fundamentally change me & my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Yes, confirming that they do always come back. I think that with no DDay, it's quicker. DDay means it may take longer. Sometimes I think it would be best for everyone if there had been a DDay and BW made the family move away so that he couldn't see me at work anymore. I think if push came to shove he would do everything he could to save the marriage, including moving away. And then I would have my peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Cloudcuckoo Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 He had a Dday and he came back, 5 months as well. I love you, I'm still in a roommate marriage (lie), I am so sorry, she made me stop talking to you, can I have a picture of your boobs. No picture for you. And they are spectacular. Absolutely priceless.....:lmao: 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyp32 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Yes, confirming that they do always come back. I think that with no DDay, it's quicker. DDay means it may take longer. I think it's more likely they come back after a dday when they work with their OW. I would think that would make it really hard to stick to NC and move on. For a MM that has a dday and doesn't have to see the OW, I would think the out of site out of mind rule applies and that in most cases, breaking NC just doesn't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Yes, confirming that they do always come back. I think that with no DDay, it's quicker. DDay means it may take longer. Sometimes I think it would be best for everyone if there had been a DDay and BW made the family move away so that he couldn't see me at work anymore. I think if push came to shove he would do everything he could to save the marriage, including moving away. And then I would have my peace. You can have your peace if you look at it differently. You can go meet someone new and live an authentic life - right in front of him! You know that expression, the best revenge is living well? Usually that is crap designed to make people feel better but since you see him, you can actually really do that. You can be happy about someone new, look fabulous and he will have to live it. That is the way I see it since I still have to see him. We won, lemon drop. These guys are not our problem. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyp32 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 We won, lemon drop. These guys are not our problem. Love this Midnight! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeCantBreakMe Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 You can have your peace if you look at it differently. You can go meet someone new and live an authentic life - right in front of him! You know that expression, the best revenge is living well? Usually that is crap designed to make people feel better but since you see him, you can actually really do that. You can be happy about someone new, look fabulous and he will have to live it. That is the way I see it since I still have to see him. We won, lemon drop. These guys are not our problem. YUP YUP YUP!! Agree if you must respond to something they send you after 5 months NC (i suggest no response but if you must) there are TONS of funny GIFS of someone flipping the bird. I say throw the middle fingers up and keep walking. :bunny: 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyp32 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 YUP YUP YUP!! Agree if you must respond to something they send you after 5 months NC (i suggest no response but if you must) there are TONS of funny GIFS of someone flipping the bird. I say throw the middle fingers up and keep walking. :bunny: I'm with you on just not replying an exMM breaks NC BUT sending back a big F you gif would be absolutely hysterical!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 We won, lemon drop. These guys are not our problem. #truestory. Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 He had a Dday and he came back, 5 months as well. I love you, I'm still in a roommate marriage (lie), I am so sorry, she made me stop talking to you, can I have a picture of your boobs. Turned out he had started MC at the same time he came back. His W had let up on the monitoring since she felt more secure, plus he put out finally. No picture for you. And they are spectacular. The bolded = genius. One other thought: MM who come back, sniffing around, after a D-day reveal their real level of contempt for the BS, too. It takes a special kind of a*****e to return to the scene of the crime after being caught, tried, and convicted. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 The bolded = genius. One other thought: MM who come back, sniffing around, after a D-day reveal their real level of contempt for the BS, too. It takes a special kind of a*****e to return to the scene of the crime after being caught, tried, and convicted. This is why we did not monitor each other. This is not a Chinese prison. The door works both ways. I have enough problems with my kids lying to me. I do not need to mother my husband. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 YUP YUP YUP!! Agree if you must respond to something they send you after 5 months NC (i suggest no response but if you must) there are TONS of funny GIFS of someone flipping the bird. I say throw the middle fingers up and keep walking. :bunny: I would send you a happy picture of you and your husband. Not really of course, but you know what I mean. Personally xmm is blocked, well not really, its gmail, but he is not too bright and probably assumes I blocked him on all email addresses. Who has that kind of time, not me. Link to post Share on other sites
bewell Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Yup...after 5 months NC...he chimed in. It was my birthday and I figured it was a opening for him to break NC...he did. I replied. I wasn't really surprised. And it is definitely a different feeling this time around. We had been on and off for almost 5 years. I'm just at peace with everything. It was good to chat with him but I refuse to go backwards....and I will not. Just beware...they always come back They do! I just posted my story. Apparently he can't quit me no matter how hard he tries. He is desperate to even just be friends with me just so he has someone to talk to. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted November 29, 2016 Share Posted November 29, 2016 I'm with you on just not replying an exMM breaks NC BUT sending back a big F you gif would be absolutely hysterical!!! I've been having a mean fantasy lately for if xMM breaks no contact (although I'm thinking he won't). In my fantasy I meet up with him and give him a big hug. While hugging I whisper, "Remember those times you disregarded me and when you blew off my birthday?" Then I give him a swift knee to the nuts and say, "Ignore that, Mother-F'er!" and walk away. Yep, that's where I'm at these days. All the best to you, LS ladies! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
HeCantBreakMe Posted November 29, 2016 Share Posted November 29, 2016 I've been having a mean fantasy lately for if xMM breaks no contact (although I'm thinking he won't). In my fantasy I meet up with him and give him a big hug. While hugging I whisper, "Remember those times you disregarded me and when you blew off my birthday?" Then I give him a swift knee to the nuts and say, "Ignore that, Mother-F'er!" and walk away. Yep, that's where I'm at these days. All the best to you, LS ladies! Lol. I think you and I could be fast friends. I like how you think. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lostgirl186 Posted November 29, 2016 Share Posted November 29, 2016 I know that my now exMM has came back many times in the past.. But I've always been there right in front of him, able to talk to him, etc.. And it's always been within a few days, no more than a few weeks.. Now that he's made the decision to cut abruptly cut me off for good, and has blocked me from any contact and not spoken to me in 4 weeks.. I'm thinking that maybe the always coming back was a game to keep the sex exciting, and once they decide they are done.. Like he has apparently decided this time, then they are just done. It's easy for them to pick up like it never happened and leave us to pick up the pieces. Maybe that's just my way of thinking bc I can't vent to him and in angry..or because we've never gone this long in almost two years without contact.. But, maybe when they're finished getting what they can get out of us, they don't come back? Link to post Share on other sites
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